


The Lives We Leave Behind

by DarknessBound



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Actor Dean Winchester, Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anonymous Sex, BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Bodyguard Castiel (Supernatural), Bratty Dean Winchester, Castiel is So Done with Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, Closeted Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Likes It Rough, Dean Winchester Loves The Impala, Dean Winchester is a Little Shit, Death Threats, Derogatory Language, Eventual Happy Ending, Gay Dean Winchester, Homophobia, M/M, NSFW Art, On the Run, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), POV Castiel (Supernatural), POV Dean Winchester, Pierced Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Castiel (Supernatural), Rescued From Potential NonCon, Slow Burn, Spoiled Dean Winchester, Tattooed Castiel (Supernatural), Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:54:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 83,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27687217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarknessBound/pseuds/DarknessBound
Summary: Being America’s Sweetheart has its challenges, the biggest one being the fact that Dean can’t trust anyone but his bodyguards that are literally paid to keep him alive. Finding love is nearly impossible because the whole world thinks he’s straight, so he settles for secret hookups that never quite fill the void. But when Dean decides he’s had enough and outs himself, he receives a series of death threats that change his entire life. Thrown from opulence to roughing it in the backseat of a ‘67 Impala with no one but his most infuriating bodyguard as company, Dean learns that sometimes... the ones best suited for us come in surprising packages.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester/Other(s)
Comments: 416
Kudos: 523
Collections: The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Call It Pretending

**Author's Note:**

> First, I'd like to give a HUGE shoutout to I_Am_The_Blue_Sunshine. They did art for every single chapter of this fic, beta'd it, and just generally dealt with me. I'll never be able to thank you enough. 
> 
> Ketch22 and CeliPuff alpha'd this - I actually think it was their first time with me? I wrote this fic right after Playing It Safe (so... it's months old) and I'm glad I'm finally getting to share it (and Havoc's origin story!) with all of you. 
> 
> Thanks for sticking around even after the end of the show, I've got lots more coming :)

**Dean**

“Dean! Look over here!”

“Smile for us, Michael!” _My name is Dean, fuckhead._

“Where’s Jo?” 

Dean snorted to himself, but smiled for the damn pictures. _Where’s Jo? I dunno, probably with her actual man._

He noticed a hot guy near the front without a camera and wondered how the hell he got so close, but he wasn’t complaining. It was rare Dean got that kinda eye candy at these things. _Conventions are great, but there are never any hot dudes. Too bad the world thinks I’m straight, I’d let that dude ben—_

“Dean, we love you!” 

_Goddamn, she was loud!_ He waved. “Love you too, sweetheart.” He turned toward his bodyguard and noticed the straight-laced asshat was standing ridiculously close. _Tryna have your photo taken, Asstiel?_

Dean looked around for an escape and then locked eyes with Cas again. _Stupid eyebrow thing, now I’m really fucking ditching your ass._ He looked past Cas and frowned, faking a nervous look and the second Cas turned to check it out, Dean ducked into the crowd.

He was immediately swallowed up by the hoard of thirsty women, but Dean never minded having a few hands on him as long as they stayed above the belt. A girl with tears in her eyes pulled him in for a selfie and he gave his best _Michael Havoc_ blue steel, trying not to stare too much at the hottie still inching his way closer. 

His bodyguard was hovering like an asshole but made no move to pull Dean out, which he took as the greenest of green lights to carry on with what he was doing. He winked at Asstiel and blew kisses to the crowd, turning his back on Hottie a half second before he reached Dean and stuck his hand out. 

The guy ended up with a handful of ass instead of dick, muttering something about how he’d show Dean what a ‘real man’ looked like — and the next thing Dean knew, creepo was face down on the ground with his arm bent at a painful angle behind his back by 200lbs of ex-Marine. He chuckled to himself as he watched the groping douchebag squirm. _Yeah, you showed me what a real man looks like… just wasn’t you, pal._

Cas didn’t look fazed as he dug his knee into the dude’s side, but Dean knew better. He shrugged off the girls still clinging to him and screaming his name, and dipped backstage before he could get his ass chewed out in public. 

Jo was scrolling on her phone when he plopped his pretty ass down. She glanced up, her eyes traveling over him. “Huh. From the sound of things out there, I figured they finally mauled you.”

“Nah. Officer Grumpy took care of it.” Dean pulled out his phone to check on Havoc. 

Jo was still eying him. “Why do you go in the crowds if you don’t want to be touched? I always wondered.”

Dean glanced up. “It isn’t that I don’t wanna be touched. I don’t mind that, I mind when someone grabs my dick. My dick is sacred.” 

She scoffed and leaned in, glancing around before speaking. “How are things with Jask?”

“Alright. He’s babysitting Havoc for me at m—”

Jo jumped up and went to sit in his lap. “Show me him! I can’t wait to meet him.” 

Dean was used to her being in his lap. They _did_ have a reputation to uphold, after all. He pulled up his photos and scrolled through, showing her the hundreds of bulldog puppy photoshoots. “Isn’t he the best?” 

“Yes! Oh my god I want to hug that little fat body!” She snatched his phone for a closer look. “I want a dog.”

Dean chuckled. “Get one. How are things with Drake? He still okay with… this?” He motioned to her on his lap.

“Yeah. He still doesn’t want to be in the public eye, which is understandable. It’s kind of nice to have that safe place you know? I can go to his house and just be... me.”

“I get that. That’s why I love my damn cabin. I just don’t have anyone to share that with.” He wrapped an arm around her.

She handed his phone back. “What about Jask?”

“Things are good, I mean… he has a key now. But… things aren’t going much further. For one, we have to be a damn secret. And for two, he plays baseball and their seasons are like two years long. Mix that with _our_ damn schedule and we hardly ever even talk unless we’re both in LA.”

She was about to respond just as Cas was making his way back, and _boy_ did he look pissed. _Shit…_ Dean tapped Jo’s thigh and she moved out of the way, knowing Dean was in trouble. “Good luck!” Jo ducked away so she wasn’t caught in the crossfire.

“Hiya, Cas. Thanks fo—”

Cas might’ve been a couple inches shorter, but when he wanted his presence to be known… he made it known. “It’s been four years. Are you _ever_ going to stop trying to make my job harder?”

“I was plannin’ on it being your ‘five years as my bodyguard’ gift, but now I think we should go for ten.” He grinned, knowing exactly how to get under Cas’ skin.

The bitchface his bodyguard pulled off was legendary. “You’re your own worst enemy. This is exactly why I tell you not to go into crowds like that.” He raised a single eyebrow and tilted his head, pinning Dean to the spot. 

_Geez... I forgot how hot this dude actually was. Maybe I should see how much it would take for him to pin me down with more than that damn eyebr— Oh shit, he asked me something._ “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

Cas rolled his eyes and lowered his voice. “Need I remind you that I’m not above physically restraining you every moment you’re not required to be somewhere?”

 _Wait, what?_ “What’s that now?” Dean stood up from his chair. “Think you’re strong enough, buddy?” _C’mon Cas, prove it. I dare you._

Something a lot like promise flashed in Cas’ eyes but he stood down, clenching his jaw. “I could break you in half, _boy._ You’re lucky my job is to protect you.” And just like that, Cas clasped his hands together in front of him and resumed that stupid wall-decoration pose.

Dean let his eyes roam over his body, but forced himself to look away. Now was _not_ the time to get a boner. He cleared his throat and slyly adjusted himself. “Life’s a bitch, bitch.” Cas’ bitchface could win awards but his eye roll was one of a kind.

~~~~

“Give her a smooch for the camera, Dean!” a photographer called out as they sat on stage. 

_Why? So you can jack off later, ya creep?_ “C’mere beautiful.” Dean planted a lingering kiss on Jo’s cheek, making her blush. She was great at that fake blushing shit. Dean sucked at it. His blushes were all natural. “Wasn’t a question, but there ya go.” He pointed at the girl approaching the microphone. “Got a question for us, darlin’?”

She cleared her throat, looking as nervous as they always did. Jo smiled reassuringly at her and she seemed to relax. “So w—what’s next for Michael and Olivia now that Olivia’s back from France?”

“Michael wants to get laid,” Dean joked, earning himself a push from Jo. “Joking... joking.” _Wouldn’t touch her with my dick if they paid me._

Jo spoke up for them. “They missed each other, so yeah, what he said, and more. Olivia wants to just relax a little, but we all know Michael won’t let her.” She ruffled Dean’s hair affectionately. “Always a pain in her ass.” 

_Wish I had a pain in_ **_my_ ** _ass._

The girl looked like she wanted something further but was gently guided away as another took her place. This one didn’t wait for a go-ahead. “Dean, tell us about Havoc. It’s adorable that you named him after your character, but we need more pictures! He’s so cute!”

“Ah... Havoc.” Dean beamed and shifted in his seat. “He’s amazing. Definitely wreaking havoc all over my house.” The crowd laughed. “He’s lucky he’s so damn cute. I’ll post more pictures as soon as I get home to him.”

Ashton Charles — the douche that played Dean’s equally-douchey rival Rex — came out and smacked Dean in the back of the head. “God, Winchester. You really know how to bore a crowd.” He winked, grabbing a chair and flipping it around to sit backward as the room erupted in cheers. “Sorry, am I party-crashing?”

“Your face bores the damn crowd,” Dean teased.

Jo slid off Dean’s lap and put her hand over Ashton’s eyes, laughing as she signaled to the next person in line. “Sorry, sweetie. Go ahead.”

It was a young kid, maybe fifteen — young enough he had no business watching soap operas, but who was Dean to judge? “Again, this is for Dean. Um… it’s been a couple of years since you’ve branched out from _The Lives We Leave Behind._ Are you planning on doing another movie anytime soon?”

 _No._ “I mean, who knows what the future holds. This show keeps me on my toes, so it’s hard to find time to do other projects. But, I don’t mind.”

Ashton glanced behind them and nodded toward the side of the stage, then clicked his tongue and stood up. “Alright everyone, give it up for Ms. Olivia Mell and Mr. Michael Havoc!” He waited for the applause to die down enough to speak again. “Sorry, you guys are stuck with me now, but I promise I’ll be more fun than those two lovebirds.” 

They made their way off the stage, and Dean immediately pulled out his phone. He was distracted earlier and didn’t get to check on Havoc. _J was supposed to send some damn snapchats or somethin’!_ He dialed and by the third ring, he was slightly annoyed.

Jask answered, giggling like a little kid. “Shit, sorry… your damn puppy likes to lick.” 

_So do I._ “The hell man, you haven’t sent one damn picture. I miss him.” Dean looked around. “Kinda miss you, too.”

“Then hurry your ass up and get home, to both of us. You spend way too much time at those conventions.” Jask made kissy noises and there was a shuffling sound. “Hang on, D.” A second later, Dean’s phone buzzed in his hand and a picture of Jask curled up on the couch with tiny, fat Havoc came through.

“Adorable.” He stared at the phone a moment longer with a lovestruck grin. “Damn, he’s so cute. You’re feedin’ him the good stuff, right? No people food.”

Jask laughed quietly. “No people food, scouts honor. How much longer are you gonna be? I miss that ass.”

Dean glanced around and made sure it was just Cas near him. “Ass misses you too, J. Leavin’ tomorrow mornin’. I’ll text you when I touch down so you can put Havoc away, he shouldn’t watch what you’re gonna do to me.” He bit his lip at the visual.

“Roger that, D. See ya tomorrow, and I promise to send more pics. Of me _and_ the dog.” 

Cas cleared his throat and nodded his head toward the opposite end of the hall, where a couple of Dean’s coworkers were gathering.

“Alright, thanks. Talk tomorrow.” Dean hung up and slid his phone in his pocket. “Fucking starving. Let’s go get room service, ya grouch.”

Nothing about Cas’ expression changed as he followed Dean to the room, and as always, he held out his hand for the key. Dean handed it over with an eye-roll and Cas went in first to make sure there weren’t any surprise guests. He was silent for a moment, then those blue eyes peeked around the door. “Clear.”

“Roger that,” Dean said in a deep voice. “Affirmative, we’re all clear, Cole. Do you copy?” he fake-talked into his watch.

Cas heaved a breath and moved out of the way to let him in. “Very funny, Dean. Cole should be back anytime, though. He was checking in with your handlers.” He walked over and looked out the window, muttering to himself before turning around and standing at attention by the door.

“I’m hilarious.” _Fired those handlers, though. Can’t trust anyone these days._ Dean walked over and grabbed the menu, picking out his dinner. “What you wanna eat?”

His eyes flicked toward Dean and he pinched his brows together. “I don’t eat while on duty. You know this.”

“The hell _is_ that, man? It’s food. You can loosen your corset for dinner.” _No job would keep me from food._

Cas didn’t move. “Can’t occupy my hands like that, they need to be free in case you get yourself in trouble… again.”

Dean chuckled, imagining Cas stopping a fight so he could wash his giant, sexy hands — not that Dean’s noticed. “Dude was tryna cop a feel, huh? Asshat. All he had to do was ask.”

“That’s not funny, Dean. It’s dangerous enough that you allow Morningstar so much... freedom.” The muscle in Cas’ jaw flexed and he pointedly stared at the door. “Most of your fans are harmless, some of them... are quite the opposite. I’d just appreciate it if you had a little more regard for your own well-being… and the bones of other people.” A ghost of a smile crossed his face at that, but the fucker shut it down almost immediately. 

Dean frowned, most of his fans _were_ harmless. _Why should they get deprived of selfies for the one-in-a-thousand creep that comes along?_ “I know it’s your job to care when we’re out there. But, you don’t gotta pretend in here.” He picked up the hotel phone and ordered enough food for a basketball team and then laid back on his bed. “So... you like breakin’ bones, huh? Maybe I should keep it up for you.”

Cas pulled his eyes away from the door and stared at Dean for a long moment. “You’re the actor here, Dean. Not me. I realize I can be... detached sometimes, but I do care about you. I wouldn’t have made it four years in your employ if I didn’t.” His watch chirped and he glanced at it, then opened the door as another one of Dean’s bodyguards walked in. 

“Everything good here?” Cole asked.

 _Yeah, sure it has nothin’ to do with that one-of-a-kind salary you get paid._ “Just peachy, Cole. You know this guy.” Dean walked over and put an arm around Cas. “Life of the party. You hungry? Cas won’t eat the food I made and I was slavin’ over the stove all night.”

Cole shrugged a little and waved his hand in front of Cas’ face, grinning like an asshole. “Probably why I get paired with him all the time instead of the other two, I’m the fun one. Hell yeah, I’ll take some food.”

Cas ignored that and looked directly at Dean, raising an eyebrow. “You’re touching me.”

Dean backed up with his hands raised. “My bad, _soldier.”_ He turned away — knowing _exactly_ how Marines feel when they’re called soldiers — and started stripping his clothes. “Gonna shower, let me know when the food gets here.” He ducked into the bathroom before he slid down his jeans. _So... I’m not allowed to touch him. Didn’t say I couldn’t touch_ **_myself_ ** _while thinkin’ about him._ Dean jumped in the shower to do just that. Seeing Cas angry was just too damn hot. He couldn’t help but wish that one day _he_ was the one getting slammed and pinned by Cas. _It’s just sex, why the hell not?_

**Castiel**

Cas tilted his head back against the wall and let out a breath, no longer _as_ on guard now that Cole had joined them again. He could still feel the lingering touch on his shoulder where Dean’s hand had been; hell… he’d probably feel it for days. 

He heard the water turn on and closed his eyes, trying not to picture Dean in the shower and running his hands all over that gorgeous body. Dean had been wrong; it wasn’t that Cas had to pretend _to_ care about him — he had to pretend he _didn’t._ It had taken all of three hours for Cas to fall stupidly, unreasonably in love with Dean, and if he was telling the truth… he’d protect him for free if that wouldn’t raise about a thousand red flags. 

“Long day? Sonny filled me in on the groper.” Cole sat down in a chair, always much more laid back about his job than Cas was.

He nodded, snapping out of his thoughts. “He wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last. I don’t understand why Dean feels the need to keep putting himself in those situations. One of these days... someone’s going to end up getting more than just a couple of bruises.”

“Wouldn’t be the first or the last there, either. Dean likes making people happy, but he doesn’t know the line.” Cole eyed him. “I think he just knows how safe he is with you. He doesn’t have to think twice about his impulses when you’re around, at least in his mind.”

Memories of his first month on the job came flooding into his mind, and the reminder that he’d already had to save Dean’s life once made him uneasy. “Maybe I’m just overly cautious after what happened in Plano. I understand the fact that he loves his fans, but some of them love him a little _too_ much and he needs to remember that. Not to mention, I swear he does things just to make my job harder. I didn’t survive two tours for him to act like a child all the time.”

“Yeah well... you know those child actors. They live in a different world, Novak. They don’t know what the real world is like. You do a good job keeping him in line. I think I have too much fun with the guy, personally, but don’t tell Sonny.”

Cas shifted from the wall just to stretch out a bit. He kept his eyes on the bathroom door, fidgeting with his tongue despite the fact that he took his tongue ring out when on the clock. Days like this, he wished he didn’t. “Don’t apologize, he needs it. It’s not like he has any friends, he’s been burned too many times and I just never found the balance between friend and protector.”

“That balance is hard. It helps that him and I are the same age, too. You’re just more mature than us.” Cole chuckled. “I wish he had more friends though, he never lets his walls down anymore.”

“Well, I’m ancient compared to the two of you, and he lets his walls down plenty with Jaskier.” A very familiar pang of jealousy raced up Cas’ spine, but he was so used to it that he didn’t let it outwardly show. 

The food Dean had ordered arrived a moment later and Cole and Cas picked through it, making sure it was safe for consumption. Cas nudged Cole. “Go tell him.” _I can’t go anywhere near that bathroom right now._

Cole grabbed a fry and walked over to let Dean know, but covered his eyes the second he reached the door. “Dean! Towel!” 

Cas heard Dean laugh obnoxiously. “Hey man, enter at your own risk.” 

“I need bleach for my poor eyeballs.” Cole walked back over shaking his head. 

It took every ounce of training Cas ever received to stay rooted to the spot and not try to peek. Part of him instantly regretted not being the one to tell him, but he also had a feeling it was for the best that it hadn’t been him. He cleared his throat and nodded to Cole. “You wouldn’t exactly be an effective bodyguard if you bleached your eyes, so I’d advise against it. Are you staying with him tonight, or am I?”

“That is true, but his _package_ isn’t in my job description.” Cole went to grab another fry. “I got it, I know he drove you crazy today, take the night.”

Cas nodded appreciatively and checked his watch again, setting an alarm for the morning before he forgot. “I’ll see you both bright and early then, you can sleep on the flight back.”

“Sounds good. Stay away from _that_ bathroom,” he joked as he went to sit in a chair. “I’ll update Sonny on our positions.”

Maybe he hesitated a moment longer to see if he could say goodbye to Dean, but the diva still hadn’t come out of the bathroom. He sighed quietly and offered a wave to Cole. “I’ll report in early, and if you need me, my room is just across the hall.” 

He left, doing a quick sweep of the hallway before making his way into his own room. Finally, he loosened his tie, then shrugged off his jacket, folding it carefully over the back of the chair. 

Thoughts of Dean crept in as he relieved himself of the rest of his suit and cracked his neck. _What did Cole see? What would I have seen?_ And then worse, thoughts of Jaskier Morningstar, the insufferable Dodgers pitcher that got to have everything Cas wanted but would ever admit out loud. _Great. As if sleeping in yet another hotel wasn’t bad enough, I get a red-eye flight on a cramped jet, and get to deal with that asshole first thing in the morning._

Cas fell back on the bed with his pants still on but unbuttoned, and folded his hands over his chest.

_Long days, long nights... lather, rinse, repeat._

~~~~

Sonny must’ve still been asleep when Cas rose and got dressed, because he ignored back to back communications. Cas wasn’t surprised, the man was overworked as it was. They all were, but at least there were four bodyguards assigned to Dean which meant they could switch off despite him needing 24/7 protection. Sonny trusted no one else to help juggle them.

He packed his small suitcase and made his way across the hall, knocking the pattern that would let Cole know it was him.

Cole’s voice was muffled, but Cas could hear him talking before he cracked open the door, and relaxed. He moved aside to let Cas in and shut the door behind him. “Fucker won’t get outta bed.”

 _Shocker._ Cas should’ve been prepared for the sight of Dean half naked with sleep-tousled hair and a grumpy expression, but it didn’t matter how many years he’d been around... that wasn’t a sight someone just ‘got used to.’ He walked over, pulling the covers off of Dean. “Wheels up in thirty. If you want to get coffee first, we need to leave now.” 

Dean rolled onto his back and groaned. “Five minutes, Mom.” He reached around for his blankets but couldn’t find them, pouting as one eye peeked open and he huffed a complaint. “Mornin’ to you, too.”

“Do you need me to carry you? Up, come on. We’ll stop at that coffee chain you like, but we need to hurry.” Cas’ heart was threatening to walk a tightrope and he needed Dean to cooperate, but also… this wasn’t his job. He scoffed and turned back toward Cole. “Where are his handlers?”

Dean grunted and sat up. “I’m up. Geez.” He stood, then adjusted his boxers as he walked towards the bathroom. 

Cole was packing up Dean’s suitcase, shaking his head as he disappeared and turned on the faucet. “He’s spoiled as hell. Parents should’ve spanked him.” It was a tasteless joke, but Cas could see Cole instantly regretted it, not that it did much to quell the wave of anger that swept through him. “That was a shit joke, sorry about that.” Cole looked towards the bathroom nervously, seemingly happy Dean didn’t hear.

 _Yes, it’s hysterical that nearly his entire family died in a fire._ Cas busied himself with trying to reach Sonny again so he wouldn’t be tempted to show Cole exactly how _un_ funny he really was.

Cole finished with the packing in silence, which was best for everyone, and Dean came out a few moments later. He was still in his boxers, but at least he looked coherent now. “Alright, coffee. Need coffee.”

They checked out quickly, taking the back exit to avoid the throng of fans hanging out in the hotel lobby trying to catch another peek. _It’s barely six am, you’d think they have to sleep sometime._

Dean’s impatience with people on his payroll — or people in general — ensured they didn’t have a driver, so Cole pulled the limo around and Cas loaded up the luggage. The longer he went without hearing from Sonny, or Dean’s handlers, the more suspicious Cas got that his job was about to become even more taxing. 

When they were safely on their way to the small airport, Cas worked up the nerve to actually ask. “Dean, is there something we should know about your handlers? I only saw one this weekend, and that was for about seven seconds.”

“That was probably right before I fired them then.” Dean responded, not glancing up from his phone.

Cas blinked at him, stuffing down the swell of irritation in his chest. It was hard enough to have a life of his own outside of Dean, even just as his bodyguard and personal taxi, but adding in the roles his handlers filled... _I shouldn’t be surprised._ “Oh? And what did they do to offend you?”

“They posted Instagram photos in the jet. They literally signed a contract, saying they wouldn’t post about anything to do with me. Plus, I don’t need a babysitter.”

That seemed like a stretch, but they had a long flight ahead of them and Cas didn’t feel like starting an argument. “Okay. I’m sorry they did that, I know how badly it frustrates you when you find out you can’t trust the people close to you.”

“Can’t trust anyone, man.” Dean tossed his phone and ran a hand down his face. “Doesn’t matter who it is, there’s always someth— never mind.” He glanced out the window with a sigh.

 _Right. All anyone ever is to Dean is a hired hand, no matter what they do to prove otherwise._ He watched Dean for several moments, until Cole spoke up. 

“You can trust us. Hell, you have to... not much choice, there.” Cole stopped the limo on the tarmac and glanced back at Cas. “You riding with Princess or do you want cleanup duty?”

Part of him wanted cleanup duty, but he’d made Cole stay with Dean overnight, so fair was fair. “I’ll fly back with him. I’ll touch base when we land.”

Dean scoffed and grabbed his phone to put it away. “Princess. If I was a princess, I wouldn’t have to settle for shitty plane coffee. And I know I can trust _you_ assholes.” He opened the car door and got out.

Cas and Cole exchanged a look, and Cas prepared himself for another long, uncomfortable flight. 

~~~~

Takeoff wasn’t terrible. Dean hated flying, so he was tense and even more agitated than he already had been — but they made it into the air in one piece, which was all Cas could really ask for. He, on the other hand, loved flying. He’d given serious consideration to the Air Force before ultimately becoming a Marine, but this was one part of the job he never minded. 

Silence stretched, until Dean took a photo of Cas staring out the window. “Nerd. Are you even human, Cas? Why do you like flying?”

He rolled his eyes with half a mind to take Dean’s phone to delete it, but part of him was flattered. “I don’t know. I find it fascinating that something as large as an Airbus or a Boeing 747 can be airborne in the first place. And it’s... calming, I suppose. To know that I’m leaving the rest of the world on the ground.” He glanced back out the window and smiled at the clouds.

“Kinda like bumblebees, huh? How do those thin ass wings carry around their fat little bodies?” Dean smiled down at his phone and then set it aside.

Cas grinned, looking back at him. “They can flap their wings approximately two hundred times a second. And, not many people know this, but they actually flap from front to back, not up and down, which creates little mini-hurricanes that help keep them aloft. Like this.” He moved his arms back and forth, parallel to the ground and then blushed, clearing this throat. “Or... something.”

Dean watched him and chuckled. “Show me again. Like this?” He did it wrong, and when Cas reluctantly started doing it again, Dean quickly opened his camera to record him.

“Stop that.” Cas frowned and crossed his arms, silently cursing himself for being more at ease on the jet than anywhere else. The threat to Dean was virtually non-existent in the air, which relaxed him in a way that he never could be on the ground. “It’s just rude.”

“Fine.” Dean laughed loudly as he watched the video, loud enough that Cas was sure the damn pilot heard. “I won’t show anyone, but I’m keepin’ it.”

He sighed, knowing no matter what, no one told Dean Winchester what to do. The video would exist until Dean got tired of laughing at him. “Glad I could amuse you, Dean.”

“Don’t get shy, it was adorable.” He pocketed his phone and laid his head back, playing with the dog tags he always wore. Cas assumed they were his father’s, but never asked. It never felt like a good time for that discussion. “I’ve known you four years, and I had no clue you knew shit about bees... or anything that wasn’t breakin’ bones. What else do you like?”

Cas was generally uncomfortable with that question, mainly because he didn’t have a good answer that didn’t make him seem like a psycho. “Guinea pigs are nice.” He shrugged, knowing absolutely everything he could think of would bore the life out of Dean, and that was the last thing he wanted.

“Guinea pigs? You want one?” Dean pulled out his phone and started scrolling again. “Havoc needs a friend, you’re always at my house. Get one.”

That seemed a little domestic to Cas, which only served to remind him that Dean was going home to someone other than Havoc. “Yes, except I’d rather not have Jaskier Morningstar watching my pet while I’m away.” 

Dean looked up with a frown and then closed out his phone, setting it aside. “What’s wrong with Jask?”

"Nothing." _Everything, from his unnecessarily long hair to the fact that he gets you while I stay at arm's length._ Cas tried his best to steel his facial expression, but he had a terrible feeling that he didn't quite hide the jealousy in his eyes.

To Cas’ surprise, Dean brushed it off. “Whatever, Havoc seemed happy enough. Is there food on this flight?” He rubbed his belly, and Cas found himself happy that food was the one thing that could always distract Dean.

Now if only _he_ could distract himself from Dean. 


	2. Take It Like a Friend

**Dean**

Dean couldn’t understand why Cas didn’t like Jask. He was pretty obnoxious, but he’d never been rude to any of Dean’s bodyguards. _Maybe he’s jealous? But why? He’s never shown interest before... and he has that aardvark fuckbuddy anyway._ “What about your boyfriend? Catch or whatever.” _More like_ **_not_ ** _a catch._

“It’s Ketch, not Catch, and he has a first name.” Cas sat up straighter, fidgeting with his tie. “He’s fine. I haven’t seen him in awhile, and he’s also not my boyfriend... technically.”

“Yeah, Aardvark Ketch. That dude. Better watch it, Cas, might _Ketch_ somethin’ with that one.” Dean eyed him with a smirk, wondering just how much he cared about the guy.

Cas shifted in the seat and clenched his fists, releasing them slowly. Otherwise, that damn expression didn’t change. “His name is Arthur, and the only thing I’ll be catching from him or with him... is a break from _you.”_

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes. “I’m a fucking joy to be around.” _Asshat._ “Who’s the bottom, anyway?”

“The... aardvark, as you put him.” Cas smirked, standing up and tugging on the front of his jacket to smooth it out. “Not that it's any of your business, but I’m actually a hard top.”

 _Bet you are._ “Huh... thought you liked having sticks up your ass, since you carry around an entire oak tree.”

“Probably because you fire so many people that my job never ends, and therefore I never get laid.” Cas raised a single eyebrow, looking down at Dean. “And... I’d ask you the same question in return, but neither one of you have exactly made a secret of it.” He nodded toward the back of the cabin. “I’ll get you that food.”

Dean normally would respond with something snarky, but the dick walked away before he could come up with something clever. _Whatever._ Dean was a bottom and he wasn’t ashamed. He got double the damn pleasure.

Cas returned a couple of minutes later and handed Dean a small tray of food. “If I’m going to be your butler now, too... I’ll expect a raise; I need different suits to differentiate the napkin-folding from the bone-breaking.”

Dean rolled his eyes again. _Course, they always want more money._ “Fine. I’ll let them know. Thanks.” He started eating, staring down at his plate. At least he’d been distracted enough that the flight was ending soon, he missed his fucking dog, and even more, he missed his damn bed. He had the most comfortable bed in the world, no one would convince him otherwise.

“It was a joke, Dean. What you pay me is more than sufficient.” Cas got quiet as he sat back down, moving to the seat closest to the window this time. 

“Hmm.” He took another giant bite of food and tried not to stare at Cas. It was hard not to, the guy was definitely a looker. It was obvious Cas couldn’t stand him, but if Dean was completely honest, he felt safest with him. He would pay anything to keep him.

The rest of the flight was quiet, and landing was a bitch, but Cas always tried to hurry his shit up and get Dean off the jet as soon as possible. He took care of the bags and swapped off with the latest limo driver. The guy really _did_ do everything.

“Thanks for all that.” Dean wasn’t sure if he’d ever thanked Cas for all he did. “You should take some time off, you deserve it.” _Not to mention that break you need from me._

Cas flicked his eyes to the rearview mirror like he was waiting for a punchline. “I don’t take vacations, Dean. You know this. My life is my job, and my job is you. Therefore, you are my life.” He paused, focusing back on the road. “Not to mention, I wouldn’t know anywhere to go that isn’t a war-torn nation or a convention center.”

“Alright, then. Well... we can take one together then, pick a place.” He opened his phone and started texting his manager about Cas’ salary. Maybe he _was_ joking, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve it. Dean decided he wouldn’t even tell him about the raise. Cas would find out eventually.

They stopped at a red light and Cas turned in his seat. “Are you serious? You realize I’d still have to be working, unless we brought Cole and either Benny or Jody.”

“Why would you have to be working? We can wear sunglasses and hats, no one would know.” _Yeah right, this dude would never take a day off._ “Fine, Benny can come. Cole would suck up all the fun, and you’re the one that needs it.”

Cas turned down Dean’s long driveway. “Because, you can’t be without prepared protection. Someone in uniform needs to at least be in the vicinity.” He parked out front and licked his lips slowly, slowly turning his eyes back to Dean. “If you need a vacation, take one. I’m sure Jaskier would be thrilled.”

“Nah. He has shit to do.” Dean hopped out of the car and grinned. “Come meet Havoc, Cas.” He led the way inside, instantly making kissy sounds. “Where’s my boy?!”

Havoc jumped out of Jask’s arms and scrambled to Dean faster than his legs could carry his little fat body, and he fell forward more than once in his struggle. Jask stood as well, smiling widely and making his way over as Havoc jumped up, trying to lick Dean’s face.

Dean went down on his knees to scoop him up, letting him kiss him. “There’s my little licker... and Havoc too.” He winked at Jask and stood up. “How was he?”

Jask didn’t answer right away, he pulled Dean in and kissed him deeply as Havoc jumped all over Cas’ feet, growling playfully. 

“Dean.”

Dean kissed back, showing him just how much he missed him too, and Cas’ voice was probably the only thing that could have gotten his attention. He chuckled at how Havoc was pulling on his pant leg. “You better say ‘hi’ to him. He needs the attention, or he’ll die.” _Kinda like his daddy._

Cas screwed up his face but bent down, awkwardly patting Havoc’s head.

“C’mon, Get in there. He can feel that’s fake. Let him get some licks.” Dean was probably enjoying this too much, but seeing Cas nervous with a puppy was just hilarious.

“This isn’t in my job description, Dean.” Cas reluctantly picked the puppy up and held him to his chest, grimacing as Havoc licked all over his jaw. 

Jask grabbed Dean’s hand and kissed his cheek. “I haven’t seen you in weeks. I know you love your puppy, but... come here.”

Dean forced his eyes away from that adorable scene and let Jask pull him in. “Yeah? What you plan on doin’ about that?” _If I’m not bent over in the next five minutes, ima ask the damn bodyguard._

Jask nearly lifted Dean off his feet as he pulled him toward the bedroom. “Havoc is your life too, Cas. Love him,” Dean called back as they disappeared down the hall. “I missed my damn bed.”

Jask chuckled and tossed him on top of it. “You know, if I wasn’t so confident in myself, I’d be worried you missed everything _but_ me.” He teased, pulling at Dean’s shoes.

“Whatever, J. You know I missed you… That dick mostly, but I kinda like the body it’s attached to as well.” Dean sat up and pulled at Jask’s pants. “Hurry up, been too damn long.” 

“I got you, D.” 

~~~~

Dean sat in his living room with Benny and Jody, planning the next charity event. They were boring, but basically in the damn job description of being a celebrity. Jo would be his date, of course, but all that did was remind him of his lack of _actual_ dating. He had two days with Jask before he had to leave town and hit the road with his team, and that was weeks ago. 

“You’ve been grouchy lately.” Jody stated, making Benny huff a laugh and clear his throat.

Dean rolled his eyes. “I have? All of you have, too.” He was sure it had to do with the extra load they all carried on their backs now since he fired the handlers, but he wouldn’t admit that. 

Jody gave him that _can’t bullshit me_ face and continued on. “Why won’t you let us find new handlers?” Dean sat up straighter with a frown, but kept his mouth shut when she continued. “I get why you fired the old ones, I’m not talking about that, but why can’t we find new ones? We’re stretched thin, Dean.”

Maybe she was right. He had raised all their salaries, but that didn’t make up for their lack of sleep and stress levels. “I dunno. Don’t trust anyone, Jody. Sick of people selling photos of my shit or selling a story about me. It’s never ending, I… I only trust you guys.”

“Course you can trust us, cher. But you can trust others too, and we have to hire new handlers.” Benny spoke up. _Fuckers aren’t gonna let up._

Dean leaned forward on the table, “Fine… what about one? I thought I was doing well keeping up with my own shit.”

Jody laughed at that. “Son, you’ve helped, but you still don’t know the half of it. Our jobs are 24/7. Even when we’re off, we’re still here. Maybe not physically, but we’re still taking care of all the day to day. We just need a little help. I’d suggest we hire two, but I know how hard that damn head is and we’ll take what we can get. Ben, let Sonny know.” 

Benny nodded and left the room to make the call and Dean eyed Jody warily. “Can you be in the interviews? You’ll be able to tell who I won’t like.”

“I will be there in person, but I never know who you will or won’t like. You’re impossible to gauge with those things. I thought you and Gabriel would get along, and look at how that turned out.” 

“Ugh, maybe you don’t know me. You thought I’d get along with that clown? Asshole was late every day and ate all my damn snacks. Fuck that guy.” Dean stood up and popped his back. “Guess I’ll go pack, will Jo meet us before or after the plane ride?”

“After. It’s Drake’s birthday that night. They’re having breakfast and celebrating early so she can meet us there before the show.” Jody closed up her laptop and stood. 

“His birthday? That sucks. She wanna stay home? We can lie and say I’m sick so neither of us are goin’, or I can just go and say she’s sick. I don’t know, she should be able to be with her man.” Dean felt bad for her; she always had to put her life on hold for their appearances. He did too, but he wasn’t the one that had a life. 

“You know it isn’t good to be seen apart, the media would have a field day.” Jody hugged him as always and grabbed her things. “See you in a couple days, Cas and Cole will be here in the morning.”

“Jody… can I bring Havoc? He can stay in the hotel.” 

She gave him a sad look and shook her head. “That isn’t fair to him, being cooped up in a hotel. He’ll be fine at my house. I’ll send pictures.” She turned and walked towards the door, calling out for Havoc. 

“Alright Jody, take care of him.” Dean gave him a hug and kiss goodbye, and went to lay in bed to pout. The house was so quiet he was sure he wouldn’t get much sleep. Benny was who-knows-where, so Dean wasn’t alone… regardless of how lonely he truly felt.

~~~~

“It’s been weeks Cas, weeks. I can’t sit around waitin’ on Jask when I have limited time as is. How do _you_ get laid? How’d you meet the aardvark?” Dean paced his hotel room after the event, stripping off his dumb fancy suit. It had been too damn long since he released some tension, and it was really showing in his mood.

Cas shrugged, watching Dean closely. “I met Arthur a long time ago. Maybe you should try online dating, unless there’s someone else you know personally that you want that type of relationship with.”

 _You offerin’, Mr. Novak?_ Dean grinned to himself, he wouldn’t really ask him that. “Alright.” He pulled off his shirts and grabbed his phone. “Like a hookup app? Not that one...” He continued to search. “Think I can fuck some of ‘em and _not_ show my identity?” _A guy can dream._

It was stupid obvious Cas was staring at his body. “Dean, you’re more famous than the President. No, I don’t think anyone would be able to bend you over and not know exactly who you were.”

“Definitely not more famous than the President, Cas.” He moved to stand so Cas could have a better look. Did Dean mention he loved attention? “Ima still try, though.” Dean chose a site with good ratings and pressed download, setting it aside to take off his slacks. “Think it will ask if I’m a top or bottom?”

Cas’ eyes roved over his body. “The good ones do, they won’t match you with someone you’re not compatible with.” He cleared his throat and looked toward the door. “Are you sure it wouldn’t be better to wait for Jaskier?”

“Why? He’s out fuckin’ too. We had _the talk_ before he left.” Dean rolled his eyes, hoping he could hide how bitter he was about Jask wanting to stay open.

There was a moment of silence before Cas nodded. “I see. Yes, they’ll ask you what you’re looking for in a partner, and that’s part of it.”

“Lookin’ for someone to fuck me like they hate me, but actually love me.” Dean had to laugh at that. “Like someone could actually love me.” He turned toward the bathroom, sliding off his boxers before closing the door, letting Cas get a perfect view of his ass.

He took his time washing everything under the hot water. At least the hotel had good water pressure. When he finally came out with his towel tied around his waist, he grabbed the phone and opened the app. “I can’t see anyone until I make the account.” _Of course. Can’t a guy just get fucked by a rando occasionally?_

**Castiel**

Cas was finding it difficult to breathe. There was no doubt in his mind he’d be able to fuck Dean like he hated him despite the fact that he was irrationally in love with him, but that wasn’t exactly a fact he could broadcast. “Just make it anonymously. I’ll handle vetting.”

“Awesome.” Dean slid his tongue across his lips slowly. “Username...” He huffed a laugh and started typing quickly.

Part of him was curious, but he wasn’t sure if asking was a good idea. Cas decided the less he knew the better, and folded his arms in front of him as he leaned against the wall. “I’ll have Jody print out more of those... agreements. How many _encounters_ do you think you’ll have because of this?”

“Dunno. Guess we’ll see soon, I’m all signed up.” He set the phone aside and searched for some clothes.

Cas’ attention was split evenly between Dean’s gorgeous body and the phone he’d left unattended. It would be an insane breach of privacy to look at Dean’s profile, not to mention unprofessional, but the curiosity was already burning in his gut. 

That towel was barely hanging on, the fabric dipped away from his lower back and stretched beautifully over Dean’s ass. Cas checked his watch a half a dozen times to distract his eyes _and_ his hands, which were all aching to devour the man in front of him. “I… wish you the best, then.” 

“Thanks.” He pulled up some boxers under the towel, but let it drop before his ass was covered. It was like the little shit was taunting Cas.

As he’d done so many times over the past few years, Cas pointedly looked away. Dean was an attention whore, and that was putting it mildly, and Cas had no illusions about it. He was simply the only one in the room that could give Dean what he craved. 

It was his own fault for making it so easy.

~~~~

Cas stared at Dean’s chosen conquest with irritation. The guy looked like an asshole — despite the fact that he’d been entirely pleasant, if not a little weirded out that Cas was shoving a contract in his face. “You’re hooking up with someone famous. You’ll need to leave all electronic devices here and be escorted to the hotel where the encounter will take place. The lights will be out the entire time to protect his identity as much as possible, and you _will_ use a condom. Lastly, if you utter a word of this to anyone—” Cas paused and leaned forward, pressing his palms flat against the table and drawing out his words — “you’ll have me to deal with, and I can assure you, I won’t be so pleasant next time. If you agree, sign at the bottom.”

The man was hesitant but reached for the pen. “Is it even worth it? I won’t ask who it is, but... does he at least have a nice ass?” He sighed on the line and slid it over, pulling out his personal belongings.

“I might be biased, but yes. He has one of the nicest asses I’ve ever laid eyes on, and that’s saying something.” Cas picked up the paper and glanced at the signature before slipping it in his briefcase. “When you’re ready, we’ll go. The hotel isn’t far from here. He’ll already be prepped, he doesn’t like to waste time.”

“Like this guy already. You look familiar, though.” He eyed Cas a second and then shrugged. “Do you provide the condom?”

 _Shit. This is why Dean should hire more than five people to run his entire life._ Cas let the well-rehearsed lie roll off his tongue without missing a beat. “I have more than one job, it’s possible you’ve seen me with one of the many people I provide services for. And yes, the condom will be provided. There will also be water and some snacks in the hotel’s lobby that you’re free to help yourself to once you’re finished.”

“I like this gig.” He walked with a pep in his step. “Get to fuck a nice ass _and_ get snacks. No ties after? _Pfft._ If this ass is what you say, this guy can call on me anytime.”

Cas fought the urge to roll his eyes as they got into the car. “One more thing, but you’ll already know this if you read the contract you signed. I’ll be in the room, if he so much as says the word ‘wait’ and you don’t listen, you’ll be escorted out immediately. I won’t interfere otherwise, and you likely won’t remember I’m even there after the first thirty seconds.” 

The thought of having to listen to Dean getting fucked by a stranger was eating Cas alive, but there was no scenario in which Cas would allow Dean to do this without a bodyguard in the room. There were too many variables, too many things that could go wrong for Cas to be comfortable waiting outside. _I’ll just have to get over it, and the second my shift is over, I’ll go see Arthur… if he’s available._

“Kinda weird. But okay. You gonna get off, too? I won’t mind. You’re hot.”

There was a very real possibility that Cas would end up with a boner from this, but getting off — especially on purpose — would be so entirely unprofessional he’d end up firing _himself_ if it happened. He shook his head slowly, maintaining the mask of indifference. “No, I can’t imagine this will do much for me. I’m sorry if that’s disappointing to you, but I have a feeling you’ll be plenty satisfied by the time you leave.”

“Good. He isn’t one of those pretty boys that just lay there right?”

Cas had no knowledge of that one way or the other, but judging by Dean’s general personality... he highly doubted it. “If he’s enjoying himself at all, then no. He won’t just lay there, although he does appreciate getting told what to do.” Cas smirked to himself, knowing damn well that Dean was a brat and probably wouldn’t enjoy a stranger bossing him around at all, unless the man in the back seat was a very specific kind of dom. Maybe this was Cas’ silent little attempt to protest the entire endeavor, or maybe he just wanted to see exactly how bratty Dean truly was... either way, the minute the words were out, Cas regretted them. _It’s not my business._

They pulled into the hotel’s parking lot and Cas got out, opening the back door. He handed the man a condom without a word and led him up to the room, pausing just outside the door and nodding to Cole, who had been standing guard. Cole got a good look at the man with Cas and turned on his heel to go wait by the car. “This is your last chance to ask questions or back out if you don’t think you can comply with the terms.”

“I don’t want legal trouble, dude. I just wanna fuck.” He motioned at the door and palmed himself.

Cas nodded once and opened it, stepping inside and clearing his throat. The room was pitch black, but Cas knew that somewhere, Dean was laying naked and stretched open, begging for a cock. A lump formed in his throat as he led the man inside and called out to Dean. “The contract has been signed, I’ll be here if you need me.” He closed the door and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. _Someone shoot me. Stab me. Whisk me away to another dimension. Please._

The man tripped over a chair and chuckled. “Know you’re in here somewhere, handsome. We playing hide and seek?” 

Dean laughed, his voice a little higher than normal to further attempt to conceal who he really was. “We can be. Or, you can make your way towards the bed and feel around. Don’t take too long, I’ll get off without you.”

It was already Cas’ worst nightmare and they hadn’t even touched each other yet. He was grateful for the raise Dean had given him but somehow, no amount of money in the world seemed like it would cover this. He stayed still, barely breathing as he heard the bed creak. 

“Mmm, gotcha.” Wet, sloppy sounds invaded Cas’ ears and he tried with everything he was not to picture that asshole kissing over Dean’s naked body.

Dean let out a pleased sigh. “Not a bad start... what else can that mouth do?”

A low chuckle sent a spike of agitation up Cas’ spine, and then he was smacked with the unmistakable sound of someone giving a blowjob. Dean groaned, and Cas heard the other man pop off Dean’s cock and chuckle. “Kinda big for a bottom.”

“About to be a top if you don’t hurry the hell up. I already took out my plug.” The bed shifted again, and Cas could hear the condom wrapper being torn open. Cas was usually good about keeping a respectable demeanor, but the situation was so entirely erotic that his dress slacks were becoming tighter by the second. He clenched his fists at his sides and did what he always did when he needed to snap out of his delusional Dean fantasies: he began reciting the Rifleman’s Creed in his mind. _This is my rifle. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My rifle, without me, is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true._

“You always run your mouth like this?“ 

Dean chuckled and it sounded like they shifted on the bed again. “Yeah, I do.” 

“Turn back around.” _Slap!_

“Fuck!” Dean growled. “Fuck me or get the fuck— ah!” 

“That’s what I thought... breathe, let me in that tight ass.” The man groaned, and Cas assumed he was finally sinking inside the only ass in the world Cas truly wanted. _I must shoot straighter than my enemy who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will..._ _My rifle and myself know that what counts in this war is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our burst, nor the smoke we make. We know that it is the hits that count. We will hit..._ _My rifle is human, even as I, because it is my life. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sights, and its barrel._

The noises coming from the other side of that room were overpowering his thoughts, and for a moment, Cas briefly considered the guy’s offer to get off, too. He pressed the heel of his palm into his crotch as Dean let out a lusty moan that had Cas’ pupils blowing wide. _I will ever guard it against the ravages of weather and damage as I will ever guard my legs, my arms, my eyes, and my heart against damage. I will keep my rifle clean and ready. We will become part of each other. We will..._ _Before God, I swear this creed. My rifle and myself are the defenders of my country._

“... fuck... ass is... I’m coming.” Cas once again tried to tune out the disgusting grunts the man made as he emptied into that damn condom. It sounded like someone collapsed onto the bed and then Dean was moaning again.

“Shit... that mouth. Gonna come!”

There would be nothing in the world that could save Cas if he had to listen to Dean Winchester coming by someone else’s ministrations. He nearly screamed the end of the creed in his mind and would’ve covered his own ears if he wasn’t so serious about keeping Dean safe. _We are the masters of our enemy. We are the saviors of my life._ _So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace!_

“Fuck..” The man heaved a breath and laughed quietly. “You got a lotta come, buddy. I like it.” 

Cas shivered and turned to face the wall, pressing his forehead against the cold wallpaper and begging his erection to go down enough that Dean wouldn’t notice it once the guy was gone. “Alright, that’s enough. Get dressed, and as stated, the snacks are in the lobby.” 

The man chuckled. “He always all business?” Cas could hear him fixing his clothes and closing his zipper. 

“Yup.” Dean released a sated groan.

“Maybe I can see your face next time?” The bed shifted once more and Cas heard more smacking of lips. 

“Not likely, but I’ll contact you if I’m ever in town again. Go on, before my bodyguard throws you out.”

The man’s voice grew louder as he walked toward Cas. “Alright then, catch you next time.” He opened the door and glanced back in the room like he was trying to steal a glance of Dean.

Cas shoved him out the door maybe a little harder than strictly necessary, using his broad shoulders to keep any potential view obstructed. He closed the door behind him and kept his face neutral as he nodded down the hallway. “The exit is that way. The man that was standing out here when we arrived will drive you back to get your things.” 

“Yes, sir.” He scoffed and walked down the hall. “He’d probably let you fuck him if you just asked, you know.”

There was no point in dignifying that with an answer, so after Cas made sure the guy rounded the corner and was out of sight, he headed back into the room.

Dean came out of the bathroom a moment later in his boxers. “Sorry you had to listen to that. You coulda waited outside.”

“No, I couldn’t have. If you decided you didn’t want it or if he got too rough, I needed to be here.” Cas sighed, doing his best to look nonchalant despite the sheen of sweat coating his skin and the remnants of his arousal still bulging his slacks. “Do you feel better?”

“I can handle rough, Cas.” Dean grabbed his jeans and pulled them on, leaving the fly open. “How long should we stay in here before we leave?”

Cas glanced at his watch, but there were no messages. “Until Cole tells me they’re safely away from the hotel.” His eyes flicked on instinct to Dean’s crotch and he couldn’t help but notice that gorgeous full-body flush Dean always had after an orgasm. “It won’t be too long.”

Dean shrugged on his shirt and tugged on his shoes. “Awesome. To answer your question, it was alright. Nice release. I did most the work though, he was timid as fuck. Maybe scare the next guy a little less?”

“I didn’t do anything, Dean. I simply told him if he hurt you or broke his end of the agreement in any way, he’d be dealing with a less... pleasant version of me. And no, I will not alter my approach if you continue this ridiculous quest for anonymous hookups. It’s my job.”

Dean rolled his eyes and buttoned his pants. “Ridiculous? How the hell else am I supposed to do it? Abaddon has the fucking key to my closet!” He sat on the bed and ran a hand through his hair with a sigh.

Cas never cared much for Dean’s manager, or her choices when it came to Dean’s persona. But she had a point, especially now. The general public finding out that Dean’s relationship with Jo was a sham would open up too many doors Cas wanted to keep closed for Dean’s own protection. “I don’t know, Dean. You and Jaskier figured it out.” 

“Did we? Doesn’t feel like it.” Dean laid back on the bed and opened his phone, letting Cas know he was done with that conversation.

He checked his watch again, hoping Cole would hurry up. Cas wanted out of that room and off his shift, before he did something incredibly stupid like _actually_ offer to be the one to fuck Dean. 

_Maybe he was right. Maybe I_ **_do_ ** _need a vacation._


	3. Commotion

**Dean**

Being on the same show for nearly twenty years had its perks. He’d started off as a kid making guest appearances but gradually gained more and more screen time, and the bigger his fanbase got, the more leeway he had on set. 

Apparently not enough leeway to point out how fucking stupid their latest plot line was, but hey. It didn’t stop him from telling anyone that would listen that Rex having a twin brother named Dex was not only cheesy, but stupidly overdone. “I just don’t get it. First of all, Ashton ain’t that dynamic of an actor. Second, twins? Seriously? Didn’t know life in Luna Vale could get anymore predictable, but here we are.”

No one listened, they never did, so Dean put on his very best impression of shocked disgust when his character discovered that Dex had been impersonating Rex for months. _Sounds like a cheap fucking cop out to the fact that they turned Rex into an asshole and are tryna save face with the viewers._

Sure as shit, they had to do the take like six times because Ashton couldn’t get his shit together enough to make them seem like different people. Dean shook his head and wandered off toward the snack table as Ashton got pointers for something that shoulda been simple. He grumbled to himself, “Shoulda given _me_ a twin if they were gonna do it at all, at least I don’t suck at everything.”

Benny walked up behind him and nudged him gently. “You okay, brotha? Seem a little tense.”

Dean nodded, popping an entire sandwich triangle into his mouth. “Yerp.”

“Jody told me they’ve got someone lined up to fill that open handler spot. Just double-checkin’, you sure we can’t go for two?”

 _Fucking kiddin’ me!_ “What the fuck ever, go for fucking five of ‘em. What say do I have in my damn life anyway!” He stormed off, knowing damn well Benny didn’t deserve that.

He didn’t even have anywhere to storm off to, he just couldn’t stand the look on Ben’s face. Dean would apologize later; he shouldn’t take it out on anyone. It really was a shit situation. He noticed Jo walking over, and knew she must have overheard his mini freak-out. Jo was nice, but she also never hesitated to tell Dean to get his head out of his ass. It was probably why he was closest to her out of anyone on the show. Well, that and their fake relationship.

“Hey.” She placed her hand on his arm and tried to get him to look at her. “What was that all about?”

Dean took a deep breath, forcing himself to not snap on her, too. “I had to fire my handlers and they want new ones, but I don’t trust anyone. I said fine, hire one, and now they want more.” When he said it out loud, it sounded like a dumb thing to be pissed about. “Look at what the last ones posted on fucking Instagram.” He pulled out his phone to show her the photos of his jet and his belongings. “Am I overreacting?”

Jo let out a breath through her nose and glanced up from the phone. “Dean, it’s your life. You can do whatever you want to, but realistically... what all do you have your bodyguards doing right now?”

He thought about that a moment, knowing they did a lot for him throughout the day. “Um... a lot. I mean... I’ve been picking out my outfits and shit.”

She squeezed his arm and let go, glancing toward their director who was attempting to wave them over. “Dean, I adore you, but maybe you should listen to them. If they say they need help… they probably do. How often have you heard _any_ of them complain over the years?” 

_Almost never._ “Alright... I just wish I could like... clone them, so I just had more of _them._ I trust them with my life.” They walked towards the set slowly and Dean turned to jog over to Benny. “Look... sorry about that. Hire who you need, okay?”

Benny glanced at him warily, like he was afraid Dean was gonna blow up again. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Whatever you guys need. I don’t—” he sighed. “I don’t mean to be a pain in the ass okay? Whatever you need, really.” He turned and walked back toward the set.

~~~~

It had been a while since Dean had a day off. He got the fireplace going and plopped on his comfy ass couch and tuned his guitar. “How’s the handler search goin?” 

It was Cole’s turn to stay the night, but for some reason, Dean actually missed Cas.

Cole shrugged, sitting in the recliner to his right. “It’s going, Jody’s being picky as hell. She thinks she found one, it’s a... young kid named Jack. He’s still gotta get past me and Cas though, so don’t get your hopes up too much.”

“Geez, life of the party, this one.” He started strumming ‘45’ and singing to himself. 

He would have kept going, but he actually was tired so he only played the one and then set it aside. “Night, Trenton.” Dean made his way to his room and collapsed onto the bed. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep, but he was woken up to the alarm sounding and a crash. It wasn’t the first time someone would have broken into Dean’s house. But the last time, Cas had caught them before they actually got inside. He got out of bed and ran out to the front room, where Cole had someone pinned up against the wall. 

“Dean! Go back to your goddamn room. _Now.”_ He twisted the intruder’s arm and they let out a high-pitched yelp as Cole dug his kneecap into the back of her thigh. 

He noticed she was actually pretty damn small, and probably wasn’t a real threat. _Why are people so damn crazy?!_ It was as if people just forgot he was a person, an actual person... with feelings. Cole was fun, but also his newest guard and it was nice to see him in action. 

“Just a chick, Cole. Ease up on that arm.” Dean walked closer, looking around to make sure she was alone. “What were you hoping to get here, sweetheart?”

She squealed, and Cole didn’t let up at all. “Oh... em... gee! I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were home! I just... ow!” 

Cole muttered something under his breath about psychos and loosened up enough that the girl could breathe.

“What if I wasn’t? You were gonna steal my shit?” Dean walked even closer against Cole’s wishes.

She sucked in a couple of ragged draws of air like she was about to hyperventilate from Dean actually being that close. “No! No, shit... I’m so sorry, I wasn’t trying to steal anything. I just...” She blushed furiously, squeezing her eyes shut and not fighting Cole’s grip. “I love you.” 

His bodyguard gave him a death glare that warned him not to come any closer. “The police are already on their way, will ya just listen to me and go back to your damn room?”

“She’s harmless.” He rolled his eyes and finally turned to walk away. “Come on, Cole, let her up.”

Dean changed his mind just before he got to his door and walked back by them. Not like he could sleep now, anyway. “So, you love me, but you broke my window? What’s your name?”

“B—Becky!” 

Cole sighed and let her go, but Dean didn’t miss the bulge where his shirt met his pajama pants in the back that told him Cole was packin’. “Becky, you’re a dumbass, cause now you’re going to jail for breaking and entering.”

She rubbed her shoulder and looked scared to death, like she’d gotten in way over her head and probably didn’t mean any harm at all. “Jail! I can’t go to _jail!”_

“Shoulda asked nicely, then. How am I supposed to believe you weren’t gonna steal and sell my boxers?” He sat down on his couch and eyed her. “Shouldn’t break into the Batcave, Becky. Let your friends know.”

She started to panic when the red and blue lights from the approaching squad cars illuminated the room through the glass wall at the front of his house. “I tried! I messaged you like... 8700 times on Instagram. I never got a response. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” She started crying as Cole went to open the front door, stepping over the shards of glass.

Dean actually felt bad for the girl and sighed. “Look, I don’t wanna press charges, but you can’t do shit like this. How do I know if you’ll do it again? Or do it to someone else?” He glanced over as Cole walked over with the cops.

Whatever she tried to say to defend herself was absolutely lost to her sobs as one of the cops handcuffed her. He looked at Dean and nodded toward the window. “She do this?”

“Yeah, she gotta go to jail, man?” He asked the cop. “She seems pretty sorry.” It was probably dumb of him, but he couldn’t help but feel bad for her. He didn’t understand why she felt so desperate to break in, but she probably wouldn’t do it again.

The officer’s partner led Becky out to the cruiser and he flicked his eyes between Cole and Dean. “It’s ultimately up to you guys, it’s your house and your property.”

Cole looked pissed and tired, turning to face him. “Enough with the bleeding heart bullshit, Dean. If you don’t start taking this crap seriously, it could be worse next time. Word gets out you’re not pressing charges on the psycho fucking fans that decide to throw bricks through your window and break in when you’re sleeping, there will be more right behind her.”

“Alright! Calm down, grouch!” _Asshat is acting like he’s the only one missin’ out on beauty rest._ “Go to bed, dickhead.” Cole’s face at the nickname had Dean laughing out loud. “Aww... baby needs a nap.” He walked up and ruffled his hair.

Cole had Dean bent over the back of the couch in about three seconds, but somehow hadn’t hurt him at all. “You’re right, _baby_ needs a nap, but I also need _Princess_ to listen to his elders once in a while.” He leaned forward slightly and Dean got a pretty damn good feeling for what _else_ Cole was packing. 

“Well damn, Cole. Didn’t know it was like that.” Dean pushed back with a grin, seeing if he could get Cole to back off. 

Benny rushed inside the house and froze when he saw them. “Ya’ll need a moment?” he teased, not looking surprised in the slightest. “Thought you needed backup.”

The officer sighed and radioed his partner outside, then stepped forward as Cole let Dean up. “Is that a yes or no on the charges?”

“I know I just got here, but that shouldn’t even be a question,” Benny said. “Dean?” 

Dean looked at his bodyguards and the smile was completely gone from his face. “Yeah, we gotta.” He started walking toward his room, hoping he could get some damn sleep before his morning flight.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Dean. We’ll handle this, too.” Cole muttered something afterward that sounded an awful lot like ‘just like everything else,’ but Dean was honestly too exhausted to give a shit and he didn’t really want to press charges, anyway. He waved them off and shut his bedroom door behind him, collapsing back on his bed and wondering if his life would ever be anything close to normal. 

Dean fell asleep about ten minutes before his damn alarm went off and he woke up feeling groggy as fuck. He took a shower to wake up and threw on some comfy clothes for the plane ride. He grabbed his suitcase and made his way to the living room where Cole was already waiting. “Mornin’, muscles.”

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Cole was already in his suit, looking like he’d gotten a full night’s sleep when he probably hadn’t gotten any at all. “Made you some coffee, you’re gonna need it... _you_ get to tell Castiel.”

“No one told him? Ah, shit.” _Awesome. Gonna be a fun plane ride._ “Man... I need to mainline some coffee then. Thanks.” He grabbed the thermos and motioned at the door. “Let’s go.”

Cole chuckled as they made their way out to the car. "Hell no, no one told him. I'm surprised _he_ didn't break into the damn house last night, but my guess is Sonny only put out the SOS to Ben cause he was closest. I'm pretty sure Cas was with his boyfriend." He opened the door for Dean and gestured inside. "I'll grab the bags."

“It isn’t his boyfriend.” He didn’t understand why he needed to say that, but he did. Dean got in the car and drank more coffee, wondering how Cas was about to react. 

By the time they pulled into the airport, he saw Cas standing there and actually got nervous. “C’mon Cole, you tell him.”

“God, you’re a baby. Fine, but don’t think he’ll react any better with it coming from me. I won’t be surprised if he crawls up your ass and refuses to let anyone else stay overnight with you now. Didn’t he stop the last attempt before they even got in the house?” Cole got out and opened Dean’s door again as Cas started walking over to help with the bags.

“Course he did. Look at him... bet he could read minds.” Dean avoided Cas’ gaze, happy Cole would be telling the story.

The damn chicken waited until the jet was in the air before clearing his throat and nodding to Cas. “So, uh… we had a fun night last night. How was yours?”

Cas didn’t look at them. “It was nice, I suppose. What sort of party did you two attend this time?”

“Well,” Cole paused, giving Dean a ‘please don’t make me do this’ look. 

Dean quickly looked toward the window and whistled to himself. It was a coward move, but at least Cole would get _the look_ and not Dean. He bit back a laugh and pretended to be distracted.

Cas prompted Cole to continue, and that brave little toaster did. “Crazy girl broke into Dean’s house. She was harmless, but the window’s shot to hell and it took way longer than it should’ve for the cops to show up.”

“Why wasn’t I notified?” Cas’ tone was immediately all business and tension. “How long did it take? Has she been detained? How did she manage to get so close to the house in the first place?”

“She was harmless, Cas. Shoulda seen Cole. He nearly broke her poor arm. She cried like hell, but the cops took her. They made me press charges.” He glanced at Cole who looked annoyed again. 

He started ranting on how Dean tried to not press charges and how dumb it was, but all Dean could focus on was Cas. They both told him she was harmless, and yet it looked like he would have snapped her in two for even attempting to threaten Dean. He instantly understood that this was more than just a job for Cas — he _actually_ gave a fuck about Dean.

"We're going to have to rethink our current arrangement. No offense, Cole, I know you're still learning, but... I'd have never let this happen." Cas shifted and then got up, walking to the back of the cabin and pulling out his phone. 

Cole glared at him and then sighed heavily, looking at Dean. "Hope you're prepared for Uptight to move in with you, cause I guarantee he's about to call Sonny and request exactly that."

“Well, shit... He’s there most of the time, anyway. I don’t mind.” And he surprisingly meant that. The promise of someone always being there, even someone as uptight at Cas, made him feel less alone.

**Castiel**

His conversation with Sonny was short. They had a different relationship than the rest of the bodyguards on Dean’s payroll. They both had strong military backgrounds and understood each other on a deeper level because of it. Sonny didn’t question him when he’d suggested being the one to stay with Dean on every overnight beyond a cursory, ‘you’d be giving up what little life you _do_ have for him, you know that, right?’ 

As if he cared about a single aspect of his life other than Dean anyway, and if something ever happened to him… well, Cas didn’t like to think about that. 

Telling Dean on the other hand, that was something he was unreasonably nervous for. He knew that Dean preferred his nights with the other bodyguards. Cole was more relaxed, Benny was funnier, and Jody doted on him every chance she got. He’d be giving up time with each of them, but he’d also be safer. And Cas wasn’t a monster, or a robot. Chances were good the others would have to stay occasionally as well so he could get some sleep, but he wasn’t willing to leave Dean’s safety solely in their hands anymore. Maybe he was overreacting, maybe he didn’t care. 

“There’s been a slight change in regimen,” Cas stated matter-of-factly, attempting to hide his nervousness. 

Cole scoffed and grinned. “Yeah, pretty sure everyone and their mother saw that one coming.” 

“How _is_ your mom, Cole? She hasn’t called,” Dean teased. “Guess she wasn’t too excited about wearing a strap-on for me, huh?” Cole walked over to Dean’s seat and put him in a headlock.

Cas let them go, turning in his seat to stare out the window at the clouds. He was used to Dean ignoring him, even when they had one-on-one conversations it was sometimes like pulling teeth trying to get an answer from him, but this was a conversation he was happy to put off. He was thirty years old, he’d have thought by now it would be easier to do things like this, but when it came to Dean... nothing was easy.

“You’re a dick, Winchester,” Cole huffed.

Dean laughed and got up to walk around, his hair standing up on end. He sat next to Cas and didn’t talk right away, but after a few moments of awkward silence, he spoke. “So... movin’ in? You should take the other one with the full bathroom attached. Not the one you normally stay in. The bed’s nicer in there.”

It was an effort to pretend like he hadn’t noticed Dean the second he sat down, so Cas was grateful that Dean finally said something. And, apparently already knew what he’d been too scared to say. Cas glanced over at Cole who had his headphones in and lowered his voice. “I’ll stay out of your way as much as I can. I know I’m not your favorite, but I can assure you... even if you don’t believe me... that this is more than a job to me, Dean. I’ll do everything I can to protect you.”

“Yeah... I know. I believe you, Cas.” Dean peeked out the window and abruptly turned his head down. “Um... shit... we’re real high up.”

Cas put his hand on Dean’s knee near the crux and squeezed gently. “I had the jet looked over before you arrived. You’re safe, Dean. Just imagine we’re in a really big car.”

“Real big, fast car. That flies.” He closed his eyes and licked his lips. “Honestly, I feel safest when you’re there anyway. So, I sleep better. But you’re gonna have to eat sometimes.”

That drew an unexpected laugh from Cas. “Yes, I’m aware. Good thing I’m used to MRE’s... I shouldn’t be too much of a bother.” He realized he hadn’t moved his hand yet and cleared his throat quietly, pulling his arm up to make a show of looking at his watch and placing his hands back in his own lap.

“MRE? Those damn plastic packets?” Dean opened his eyes and stared at Cas, fumbling with those dog tags, again. “My dad had those. I remember that cookie they came with was so good. I ate 'em all and got in trouble.” He chuckled to himself, but it was low and almost sad.

Cas’ heart broke all over again. He licked his lip, wondering if he should gently nudge Dean to keep talking about his family or if he should change the subject since Dean was already stressed about flying, but... everyone else always shied away from the subject. “You haven’t said much about him. What branch was he in?”

“Marines. He used to wake me up with that damn ‘Oorah’ noise. Even got me this bulldog stuffed animal and everything. Lost him in the fire, too.” Dean looked away and fidgeted with his pants string.

 _So that explains Havoc. Maybe I should be nicer to him._ Cas gently nudged Dean and smiled lightly when he looked up. “If it helps, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night screaming it.” _Yeah, that… probably isn’t going to help, and if I wanted him to know that he isn’t alone when it comes to dealing with traumatic pasts, telling him I might sound like the ghost of his dead dad in the middle of the night probably isn’t the way to go. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

“Seriously? Is it like... bad dreams?” Dean met his gaze again. “As long as you don’t jump on my bed and wake me up that way, we’re good. He used to yell it right by my bed just to fuck with me.”

Cas nodded a little and opened his mouth, but the words didn’t want to come right away. He had too many things to say but lacked the skill set needed to actually get them out, especially when it came to talking to Dean. “I definitely won’t do that, I promise. But yes, there are things about my time in the Marines that are... difficult to leave behind.”

“Sorry. You need any help with anything just tell me. I don’t know how to help, but I’d at least try.”

He didn’t think Dean would ever understand how much he helped just by being... him. Even on the bad days, when Dean annoyed him to the point that he wanted to actually strangle him... Dean was a constant reminder of why he’d joined the Marines in the first place. “Thank you, Dean. And if you ever want to talk about your family, I’m here.” Cas smiled again and checked to make sure Cole was still distracted. “What about your brother, Adam? It’s been a couple of years since I heard you mention him.”

“He has, like, a family and stuff. We don’t talk much. They don’t wanna be in tabloids and shit so... it’s better this way. I gotta piss.” Dean got up and walked to the bathroom.

Cas frowned, not at all surprised that Dean walked away. _Maybe I shouldn’t have pushed. I should’ve just told Cole or Jody to try and talk to him about it. We don’t have that type of relationship, and never will._

When Dean came back out, he sat elsewhere, and Cas took that as his cue to shut up. 

_Yes. Just shut up, Cas._

~~~~

Moving in was easier than he thought, mainly because he wasn’t giving up his own house, so he only took what he needed. And for someone like Cas, that list was incredibly short. 

Dealing with Havoc was easier said than done. The puppy wasn’t yet completely housebroken and had peed on Cas’ shoes _twice_ just in the month they’d lived together. He was getting a little bigger and was still as annoying and yappy as ever — but the smile he consistently brought to Dean’s face was worth it.

There were times when he missed his life, his space, and most importantly... Arthur, but he’d realized pretty quickly that he’d made the right decision. Sonny had gotten wind that there was a fringe group of fans that had been hatching a plan on social media to finish what Becky started, but that had been nearly three weeks ago and nothing had happened yet. Not that Cas would let his guard down about it. 

Still, he was exhausted and grateful that Dean had a few days off from shooting and other appearances, because at least it meant Cas wouldn’t have to spend his time in hotel beds. Dean hadn’t been kidding, the one in the second suite was borderline glorious. 

He was watching Dean pace around the living room and was dreading asking why, because he was pretty sure he already knew what Dean wanted and it wasn’t something he was prepared to suffer through again. But when Dean started biting the skin around his thumbnail, Cas braced himself and spoke up. “Is everything okay?”

“It shouldn’t be this hard to get laid, Cas. Jask hasn’t even called in weeks.” Dean walked over and plopped next to him, as if there weren’t at least ten other places he could have sat.

“Have you tried contacting him?” As much as Cas loathed Jaskier, he was at least a devil he knew.

“Once. I’m not gonna beg, it’s good, but not _that_ good.” He chuckled and looked over at Cas. “Dean Winchester doesn’t beg.”

 _Oh, I bet I could change that._ Cas jerked slightly as he tried to get that thought out of his head, but then it somehow came out of his _mouth._ “I’ve never met a man I couldn’t get to beg for it.”

Dean’s eyes widened and then he grinned slowly. “That was hot, Cas. But you’ve met me.” He slid his tongue across his top lip and then glanced over where Cole was walking in. 

“Perimeter’s all clear. Am I interrupting?” Cole wiggled his eyebrows.

Cas had never been more grateful for Cole in his life, since that was a much needed interruption. Cas stood, already regretting allowing himself to get too comfortable because it led to unprofessional slip-ups like that. “No, you’re not interrupting. Dean was just telling me how badly he needs to get laid, which is apparently still our responsibility.”

“You don’t want the responsibility? Fine. I’ll figure it out myself. I know how to do laundry now, I can find some dick without the SWAT team.”

Cole brushed past him to smack Dean in the back of the head. “Shut up, you know damn well we can’t do that. Do you even have any prospects? I’m sure Cas would love to vette another horny meathead.” 

_No, Cas would not like that... at all._ He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall, letting out a breath. “Thankfully, the first one didn’t last very long. Maybe he’s available?”

“He didn’t, huh? At least he sucked me off after... but nah, someone new. I’ll go get my phone.” He got up and jogged to his room.

Cas closed his eyes and let out a breath, wishing he’d have just kept his mouth shut about all of it. He was rudely pulled back to reality by Cole throwing a pillow at him, which smacked him right in the chest. “What the hell was that for?”

“Just tell him you wanna bone, stupid. Save all of us a lot of trouble.”

Half panicked, Cas glanced toward Dean’s door to make sure he was still inside of his room. “That’s not... no. It’s not like that. I don’t want that.” _At least the lie is coming easier now._ “Neither does he.”

“Yeah... he does. He got drunk last weekend and asked me how big I think your dick is.” Cole laughed and then stood straighter as Dean walked back out with his eyes glued on his phone.

 _Don’t. Don’t think about it, don’t suggest it, don’t do a damned thing that would even hint at the fact that I want it so badly it keeps me up at night sometimes. That’s not a line that can ever be un-crossed._ “Well?” Cas studied the soft carpet under his feet and prayed there was some sort of malfunction with the entire internet that would prevent Dean from picking up another stranger that didn’t deserve him. 

“This dude’s hot. Says we’re compatible.” He shrugged and started typing on his phone with his tongue between his lips.

Disappointment churned in his gut, but he knew Cole would be leaving soon, so he had an excuse to walk away. “I’m going to shower before Cole leaves. I’m assuming by the time I get out that you’ll have things in order. Tell him to meet you at the Parkside across town and I’ll head over first. Cole can drop you off on his way home.”

“Yes, Sir.” Dean looked back down at his phone. “Wanna see him, Cole?” he walked over to show him as Cas left the room, but Cas didn’t get away fast enough to miss the whistle that followed.

 _Great._ He made it to his room quickly and stripped, stepping into the shower before the water was even warmed up. After the near-awkwardness of last time, Cas desperately wanted a release before he was forced to listen to Dean have sex again. His mind wandered right back to Dean’s ‘yes, sir’ and his imagination took over as he stroked himself, wondering what Dean would sound like if Cas actually _could_ make him beg. He’d never so much as heard him utter the word ‘please,’ but that was only making the scene unfolding in his mind even hotter. 

He came quicker than he anticipated, but blamed it mostly on the fact that he hadn’t seen Arthur in weeks. Cas knew those days were likely over; Arthur hadn’t been happy in the least when Cas had told him he was effectively moving into Dean’s… but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t dwell on it.

Cas chose a clean suit identical to the one he’d just taken off and replaced his various weapons, then made his way back down with his hair still wet but walking noticeably lighter. “Is it set?” 

“Nah. Well, kinda. He’s down but not available until this weekend. Do we have anything going on?”

Cole took that as a green light to leave and said his goodbyes as Cas pulled up Dean’s calendar to look over it. “Yes, but the convention is in LA so it should still work.” 

“Awesome. You can get comfortable, Cas. Don’t gotta be in a suit all the time.” He walked over and straightened Cas’ tie. “Lock it up, Marine.” Dean winked and walked over to the fridge, and Cas’ stomach took its time righting itself. 

“To be fair, I’d thought I was still working in the traditional sense. I can’t very well go vette your latest conquest in pajama pants.” He dreaded the thought of changing again after he just went through the trouble of putting his damn suit on, but he was tired of sleeping in them if he was being honest. “I’ll get there.”


	4. Don't Look Now

**Dean**

Dean grabbed a whole pie and sat at the dining table with a fork. Cas was still back there getting dressed, and Dean couldn’t help but wonder what his pajamas looked like. He pictured his pajamas looking like a suit with a tie printed on the shirt and laughed, taking a huge bite of cherry pie.

Instead, the fucker came out in pajamas that were covered in fucking flamingos. Honest to god flamingos. He leaned against the wall and kept his eyes trained on the door like some kinda lethal statue, and Dean tried to work out where he hid his gun. After a moment, Cas turned his head slowly toward him. “Can I help you?”

He realized he was starting with his mouth open at Cas’ outfit. “Flamingos? Really? Where the hell did you get those?”

“Amazon.” Cas frowned and looked down at them, tugging on the fabric. “Is there something wrong with them?”

“They’re fucking adorable.” Dean chuckled. _But why the hell was he still standing like a damn statue?_ “Grab a fork and get over here. You promised you’d eat and you look ridiculous.”

The crease in his brow only increased, but Cas made his way over and sat down stiffly. He glanced around the table. “Where are the plates?”

“Why? Get a fork. Got a whole tray here.” He took a bite and grinned. He thought of a joke much too late, but that never stopped Dean before. “Glad you listened, I was about to tell you to hold up one leg like a flamingo if you didn’t.”

The bitchface was worth it, and Cas actually got himself a damn utensil. He stared at the pie like it was gonna eat him, but tentatively plucked a bite with his fork. “I wouldn’t have listened to you.”

“What kinda bite was that? Get in there, Cas.” Dean reached over and grabbed Cas’ fork, scooping up a big bite. “C’mon, go for it.” He waited with a huge grin on his face.

Cas reached for it, but Dean had other plans. He pulled it back and clicked his tongue, and Cas looked insanely grumpy about it but leaned in to eat it, bringing his hand up to catch the crumbs falling out of his mouth as he chewed. “You can barely get dressed on your own, but now you’re feeding me?”

“Hey, I dress myself. I just never know what to wear or who it’s made by.” Dean ate another bite with a scowl. “And besides, you obviously can’t feed yourself.”

More beautiful bitchface. “There’s no one else here tonight, which means I’m technically still very much on duty. There are only so many concessions I can make in a day.” 

“All jobs have some kinda break. Just... relax and if anything happens, go back on duty. Would you feel better if we watched the security footage with some popcorn?” _What’s it gonna take to get him to relax?_ “How about I take first watch and you nap?”

Cas rolled his eyes and ate some more pie. “You can’t take first watch, or any watch. That would defeat the purpose entirely of having a bodyguard.”

“I don’t get it, I can fight and protect you, too.” He thought about what he said, realizing that if anyone broke in, they would very much be after him and not Cas. “Oh, I guess I get your point… you know what I always say: life’s a bitch, bitch.”

Silence stretched for a moment as Cas poked the pie with his fork. “I knew what I was signing up for, Dean. I didn’t make this decision lightly, despite how quickly it was made. I will apologize yet again that I’m not as laid back as Cole, or as funny as Ben, or as motherly as Jody, and if you’d prefer one of them...” Cas shook his head, dropping his fork and sitting back. “No, actually. You’re stuck with me, because I don’t trust any of them the way that I should be able to trust a team.”

“I trust you the most.” Dean took another bite, thinking about what he said and realized he’d actually rather have Cas. “If I had a choice, I’d still choose you. Even when Becky broke in, I instantly wished you were there. I dunno, that sounds dumb.” He got up and went to the fridge to grab them both waters. “So, this weekend, you sure you wanna be in the room again?”

Cas took a breath and nodded once, not looking entirely convinced. “Yes, I’m sure. I hope it wasn’t awkward for you last time.”

“Nah, you were silent. I know I wasn’t though.” Dean chuckled, not even knowing half the shit he said in the heat of the moment. “Next dude tries to be soft ima have to tell him to go harder. Sorry for what you gotta hear.” _More like sorry, not sorry._

He shifted, licking his lower lip. “I’d prefer if you didn’t invite him to be rough with you, some people take that a little too seriously and there’s only so much I can gauge from a person with a single interview.”

“Well... if I need you, I’ll call you. But we’ll be fine, Cas. I just need a release and then I'll be good for a while.” _Unless you’re gonna offer, I gotta do what I gotta do._

Cas didn’t offer, the asshole never did. “I understand, Dean. I’ll be right there, as always.” He suddenly appeared to get real interested in the wood patterns on the table, and then pushed his chair back to stand up. “You should get some sleep.”

“Alright.” He packed up the pie and made his way towards his bedroom. “Night, Cas.”

“Goodnight, Dean.”

~~~~

Another sleepless night had Dean in his living room, playing the guitar at 3am. He was sure Cas was asleep, or at least he hoped he was. Cas hardly ever slept and he’d also never heard Dean play. In fact, Cole was the only one he ever played around, and that was because he dared him a few months ago. But this was one particular thing Dean kept to himself. 

He strummed Night Moves lazily, singing as low as possible, but the second he heard a door open, he switched tunes, strumming ‘Call Me Al’ since his bodyguard was the only one around. When Cas peeked around the corner, Dean sang in a goofy accent. “If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal.” He stood there, looking like a statue again, but Dean was sure there was a smile. “Come on, sing it with me, Al.”

Cas screwed up his face, but there was no anger there. “I think this makes me Betty.”

Dean busted up laughing, and stopped playing. “C’mere, Betty. Sit with me, ya friggin statue.” He moved the guitar aside and patted the couch, grabbing the remote. “Watch a movie with me. I can’t sleep.”

A few strained steps later, Cas was sitting ramrod straight at the other end of the couch, but it would take a fucking moron to miss the concern in his eyes. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Havoc is snorin’ like an asshole.” _And I hate my life but hey, what’s new?_ “Wanna watch Night at the Roxbury?” He glanced at Cas again and tossed him a pillow. “Relax, you’re makin’ _my_ back hurt like that.”

Cas tucked the pillow over his lap and leaned back, tugging the sleeves of his shirt down further. “I’ve never seen it, what’s it about?”

Dean looked over with his brow furrowed. “Geez... okay, we’re putting it on.” He searched for it and hit play. “It’s about loser brothers that just want to be someone. They keep trying to get in this ’it’ club and never get in and then... they get in. It’s funny. Watch.”

It took entirely too long for Cas to start laughing, but when he did, the action changed his entire demeanor. He looked less tired, less burdened, less… _Cas._

He’d never know how much the smile lit up his face, and Dean found himself watching him more than the damn movie. He sang along to ‘What is Love’ hoping Cas would sing too, but he didn’t do much beyond a small head nod, and that was okay. Because he was still smiling, and maybe Dean would do just about anything to get the guy to smile.

Cas reached over to grab the remote and hit pause, looking embarrassed. “I need to use the restroom. Do you want me to grab you anything on the way back? Hot chocolate? Popcorn? How much longer is it?”

“Less than half left. I’ll get it. You use the bathroom, and I’ll get us both a hot chocolate. Meet back here in a few, deal?” Dean didn’t notice the dumb grin on his face, but the night actually turned out alright.

After a nod, Cas moved like a cat toward the bathroom and was back before Dean even had the hot chocolate finished. “Do you need help?”

“Nope. Go sit down, I got this.” He was searching for the mini marshmallows he knew he had — unless Jask ate them all the last time he came over. It took a few, but he finally found them and topped off the drinks. “Tada.”

Cas grinned and took his, inhaling the scent deeply. “Who knows, maybe this will help us both sleep.” He made his way back over to the couch and sat down again, staring at his cup. 

“Good. We both need it.” Dean sat down too and started picking at his marshmallows, suddenly wishing he just brought the damn bag over. “How is it?”

He took a small sip and closed his eyes, letting out a soft, happy moan. “It’s delicious, Dean. I haven’t had any in quite some time. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled proudly and pressed play.

Once it ended, Dean was torn between making Cas watch more movies and actually getting some sleep, but felt it was best to just turn in. “Alright, Betty. You sleep good.” He winked and made his way towards his room, singing out obnoxiously, “Call me Alll!” And then whistling the tune as he closed his door.

~~~~

These hookups were awkward, making Dean have moments where he wasn’t sure if it was even worth it. Cas was always grouchy as hell — even more than normal — and having to arrive at the hotel in advance sucked, too. All he could do was pace, prep himself, and then lay there. 

Cas and Cole were out there doing... whatever it was they do for these things, and once Dean was finished opening himself up, his mind began to wander. They really _were_ doing more than they should have to do, all for Dean to get fucked. It was selfish of him to ask this of them, but what other choice did he have? Benny and Jody flat out said they wouldn’t help. He couldn’t just go out and meet someone. Sitting here in this dark hotel was his only option, not that that fact made him feel any less pathetic. 

By the time Cas let him know they were coming up, Dean was feeling pretty damn low about himself, and all he could hope was that it would be worth it.

He could hear their voices from out in the hall and then the door opened, shining light into the room for a split swish before it was closed again. 

“The contract has been signed, are you ready?”

“All ready here.” He spoke in his softer tone, unable to stop the chill throughout his spine. His cock twitched and he spread his legs. “Just make your way to the bed handsome, I’m not hiding.”

Cas muttered something else to the guy and then he heard the rustling sound of someone undressing. “Name’s Ishim, you gonna tell me what your name is yet, baby boy?”

 _Ugh, the worst! Not a good start here, Ishim._ “Not that, and no, I’m not. Kinda fucks up the whole anonymous thing, buddy.” He ignored the vibe he got from the man’s tone, and also the fact that his body recoiled slightly as he got closer and the mattress dipped.

“Then roll over, if you’re gonna offer yourself up like a sex toy, you’re gonna get treated like a sex toy.” Ishim’s hands finally reached his body and gripped his hips, surprisingly kind of gentle in contrast to his words.

Dean preferred doggy in these situations, but he almost fought the guy on it. Had he been rougher, Dean might have. “You talk a lot for someone that’s supposed to be all business.” He flipped around and braced himself. “Show me how you treat your sex toys.” 

“Never said I was all business, baby boy.” Ishim ran his hands over Dean’s ass and slid three fingers inside of him. “Think that’s your voyeur buddy in the corner, not me.” It was easy to forget Cas was in the room, the man was ridiculously silent. 

Dean groaned at the intrusion and pushed back. This was the first time he regretted something while in the act, but he’d be lying if he said the fingers didn’t feel good, they reminded him why they were here. “Hurry up, man.”

Ishim chuckled almost darkly as Dean tossed the lube bottle over his shoulder and it smacked him in the chest. A couple seconds later, Ishim was shoving a tree trunk of a dick into him. “I don’t bother with the shit for my sex toys, I like the pain.”

Dean grunted and gripped the sheets below him. “Ah fuck! Goddammit!” He growled and pushed back, taking the challenge. _Why is his dick so fucking fat?!_

The sound of Ishim smacking his ass echoed weirdly off the walls and then he bottomed out, pressing a meaty hand to Dean’s shoulder ladies and forcing his chest down to the mattress. “Not god, but… close enough.” 

Dean moved his face to the side so he could be heard, “get on with it, big boy. Talkin’ too much again.” He didn’t even consider changing his voice that time, he was too fucking full to think.

Ishim stopped completely for a moment and then growled almost fucking sadistically, keeping Dean in that exact spot as he snapped his hips and barreled into him. “Should’ve known you liked to get fucked like a bitch.”

Dean released a frustrated groan as he tried to pull away. “Ah, fuck!!” Ishim pushed his head down into the mattress and fucked him harder. “Stop! Cas!” He mumbled into the mattress. “Cas!!”

**Castiel**

Cas had been standing with his knees pressed against the side of the bed, knowing in his gut that this had been wrong. The second Dean said his name, Cas’ hand shot out and wrapped around Ishim’s neck. “Out.”

Fury and panic spiked through him when he felt the bed move and Dean rolled away, but at least it gave him a clear shot at the grunting, pissed off man who had just been stopped short of an orgasm. It was still darker than hell in that room but Cas was used to it, he dragged Ishim’s naked body out into the hall by the back of his neck and threw him against the opposite wall.

Ishim chuckled as he landed, rolling onto his back and rubbing his throat. “Little slut wanted it rough, I was giving him what he wanted.”

Anger pulsed in his veins and it took every ounce of training he’d ever received not to beat the guy to death in the middle of the hallway. “Fun’s over, get the hell out before I do something you’ll regret.”

“Funny,” Ishim laughed as he stood. “What would poor, innocent little Jo say if she knew her boyfriend liked to get fucked in that tight little ass of his by complete strangers?”

 _He knows. He knows it’s Dean._ Fear nearly overtook reason but Ishim started walking away before Cas could move a muscle. 

“Don’t worry, secret's safe. For now. Tell Dean I said maybe next time, he leaves the hound behind.”

Cas was alone there, Cole had gone home. Leaving Dean vulnerable so he could hide a body wasn’t an option, and letting Dean tag along and witness him murder someone wasn’t on the table either. He had no choice but to watch that naked bastard round the corner back into the lobby. 

The second he was out of sight, Cas ran back into the room with his heart pounding in his throat. “Dean? Are you okay?” 

“M’fine.” He sounded shaken and paused for a moment as Cas once again got his bearings in the dark. “Fuck, man...”

Cas didn’t hesitate, he crawled onto the bed and reached out for Dean. When his hand hit Dean’s shoulder, his skin felt like it was on fire and Cas’ chest tightened. He maneuvered himself behind Dean, not thinking it was probably extremely inappropriate, and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re okay. I’m so sorry, Dean.” 

He exhaled a deep breath. “That was a fucking fail. Thanks, Cas. Now I see why you should always be in the room.”

“Did he hurt you?” Cas flinched at how small his voice sounded but didn’t let Dean go, he wasn’t sure if he _could_ let him go.

“Yeah... didn’t even use any lube. Shit fucking hurt.” Dean leaned further into Cas’ arms.

Cas closed his eyes and pressed his lips to the back of Dean’s head and held there. He knew he was shaking, with anger and sadness and also just... Dean. They’d never been that close before, and every single fiber of Cas’ being knew it. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”

“This is nice. Oh also, a time machine would help too.” Dean attempted to joke, but he didn’t laugh.

He tilted his head against the back of Dean’s so his nose was grazing Dean’s hair, and it struck him in that moment that he’d never realized how good he smelled. “I don’t think even _you_ could afford a Delorean, Dean.” He flattened his palm against Dean’s chest and let out a shuddering breath. “You’re burning up. I’m sorry, my suit probably isn’t helping.”

“It’s okay, I actually feel better now.” He chuckled for the first time since that morning. “You know ima try and buy a Delorean now, right?”

“I’d expect nothing less from you, Dean.” Cas grinned, shifting slightly so they fit more comfortably together. Cas knew on some level he should tell Dean that Ishim figured out who he was, but it didn’t seem like the right time. Dean had been through enough already, and telling him that would only make it worse. But there was one thing he needed to confess, if for no other reason than Dean should know that his _hound_ nearly became a murderer again. “I… almost killed him.” 

“Shit.” Dean cleared his throat. “M’okay. This wasn’t your fault, Cas. You were there right when I needed you. Thank you. No killin’ tho, I need you.”

Even if Dean didn’t mean it the way Cas craved, hearing those words still felt amazing. But stopping himself from kissing every inch of Dean’s flushed skin was an effort that was only getting harder by the second, and he knew he needed to get them out of their current situation before he did something stupid. “Do you want to take a shower, or just go home?”

“Can I shower? I wanna... I don’t know, wash him off me.”

Cas nodded and slowly moved from behind Dean, shrugging off his suit jacket and handing it to him. “Of course, I’ll turn on the light so you can see. I think you’ve been through enough, you don’t need to be tripping over things trying to get there.” When the weight of the fabric left his hands, Cas walked over and flipped the switch but kept his back to Dean. _This isn’t how I want to see him naked for the first time._

Dean covered his lower half with the jacket and stood up. “Thanks, Cas,” he repeated, then grabbed his boxers off the floor. “Ouch.” He limped to the bathroom with his head held low, and Cas had half a mind to go find Ishim and kill him anyway. 

The wait for Dean to come back out was excruciating. Partially because he needed to know Dean was okay, and partially because it had thoroughly sunk in that he’d crossed a lot of lines on that bed. 

Dean came out with his hair wet and pink skin, almost like he tried to burn the guy off of him with scorching water. “Let’s go home.” He pulled up his jeans and glanced at Ishim’s pile of clothes with a frown. “He really left naked?”

Cas nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. “He didn’t exactly have much of a choice.”

Dean smiled at that. “Fuck that guy.” He stared at Cas a moment with an expression Cas couldn’t read, was it... gratitude? Adoration? Amusement? He couldn’t tell, but it was probably none of them. 

Either way, it was over as quickly as it began, and Dean sat down with a flinch to put his shoes on. 

“Are you hungry? We could stop at that little hole-in-the-wall diner we found when our limo broke down a couple of years ago.” Cas tried to keep his tone light, but every instinct in his body was screaming that he needed to take care of Dean.

“Yeah, always hungry.” He stood up and pulled on his shirt. “Think that asshole is still around?”

Cas shrugged, taking his suit jacket back and sliding it on. “Honestly? Part of me hopes so. It’ll be a lot easier to hide his body if I don’t need to drag him ass-first out of this hotel.”

Dean chuckled and grabbed his phone and wallet, slipping them into his jeans. “Let’s go eat. But you’re eating with me.”

“I think I can handle that.”

~~~~

Cas heard Benny come in and checked his gun, tucking it back in its holster and walking out of his room. “Are we ready to go?”

“You’re not goin’ anywhere, cher.” He held up his hands. “Jody’s orders, I’m just the messenger.”

He frowned, looking from Benny to Dean. “No, that’s not… she’s not my boss. Don’t be ridiculous, I’m coming.”

“Nope. Don’t got a seat for you, Castiel. Jet is full. They knew this was the only way you would take a break, plus... you’re on Havoc duty.” He clasped his shoulder and turned to walk away.

Cas turned to Dean, knowing Benny was a lost cause. “You are technically my boss. Tell Benny he has to stay behind, I’m going with you.”

“Huh? You’re not comin’?” He asked, looking around confused. Jody walked over and stood her ground. 

“No, he isn’t.” 

“Bu—”

“Dean, he needs rest. He’ll never get any with you in the same city. Don’t you think he deserves a day off?”

“Well yeah, b—”

“No buts. Tell the man he deserves a couple days off.” 

Dean frowned and looked at Cas. “You need the sleep, Cas. You... gotta stay.”

Cas’ expression went from smug when he thought Dean was on his side to outright betrayal. “It’s hilarious to me that _any_ of you think I’ll get rest when he’s clear across the country from me.” It had been a couple of weeks since the incident with Ishim, but that day would forever be ingrained in his mind. “Dean... are you sure this is what you want? Jody is better with Havoc and you know it.”

“You just gotta let him sleep on your lap. You’ll get along, you’re both bulldogs remember? I’ll text you every day and let you know I’m alive, okay?” He ruffled Cas’ hair and turned to walk away.

Jody eyed him and crossed her arms. “Take an Ambien, get some damn sleep. You know damn well you won’t be on top of your game unless you rest. He’ll be home and you can babysit him then. But Sonny agrees with me. You’re a human, not a machine. No matter how much you want to be.”

Objectively, he knew they were right. His body was just about at the end of its rope, he’d been going nonstop for months and it had only gotten worse when he moved in. Cas licked his lip slowly and nodded, the reminder that he’d be of more use if he was well-rested was the only thing that stopped him from fighting it. “Fine.” He took one last look at Dean and turned on his heel, shrugging off his jacket and turning back to his room.

Cas listened by his door, just in case they would change their mind, and was pleased to hear Dean ask again. “C’mon, Jody. He isn’t gonna sleep unless he’s close.” 

“Dean. How do you feel when you don’t sleep for a day?” 

“Like shit. But we can make him sleep there.”

“And you think he will? Exactly. Havoc needs him more this weekend.”

“Kinda wanted Havoc to come, too.” 

“Get in the damn car, Dean. You alw—” 

_Click._

He sighed at the sound of the front door closing and eyed the little dog as he came pattering into the room. “Well, Havoc… I guess we’re left behind.”

The bulldog whined and sat down, and Cas softened a little, knowing he would miss Dean just as much. Cas stripped down out of his suit and took a moment to put his tongue ring back in, then put some lotion on his tattoos. He chuckled to himself, wondering how he’d managed to make it nearly five years in Dean’s service without Dean ever finding out about any of them. His arms were completely covered from his shoulders down to just above his wrists, and he had a piece started but never finished sprawling across his chest. He turned in the bathroom mirror to get a look at the ‘Death Before Dishonor’ tattoo on his back and sighed quietly, wondering what his fellow Marines would think of him now… in love with America’s Sweetheart, overworking himself for a spoiled rich kid. But Dean was so much more than that, even if Cas felt like the only one who knew it sometimes. 

The thoughts of his fellow Marines led him to one in particular, and he picked his phone up as he adjusted the tongue ring in his mouth and called one of his oldest friends. Two rings in, she answered. “Hello, Duma.” 

“Castiel! How are you?” She sounded like she was smiling.

He sat down on Dean’s couch as Havoc jumped in his lap. Cas frowned at the dog but pet him gently, and he settled quickly. “I’m alright, I’m sorry it’s been so long since the last time I contacted you. My position with Dean has become… _full_ time.” 

“Why? Is everything okay? He still a pain in the ass?”

Cas struggled with how much to say, knowing he’d never told Duma about Dean being gay. “There have been some... _incidents_ recently, things I can’t really get into. I just don’t trust anyone else to protect him the way that I will. I would die for him.”

She sighed. “Of course you would, Castiel. It’s your training... and your heart. Have you considered what I said last time? Quitting and finding someone new to guard? You’re torturing yourself.”

 _I’ve known torture, true torture, and this isn’t it._ “It wouldn’t matter if I did, Duma. I’d still spend every second of my life worried about him and I’d never be able to sleep at night knowing he was at risk.” Cas tucked the ball of his tongue ring between his teeth and huffed. “I know you think I’m an idiot, but it is what it is. They left me behind, and I didn’t call you to lament about it, I simply finally had some time to talk and figured I’d give you a call. How are you?”

“Why did they leave you behind? When was the last time you _have_ slept? And I’m fine. Kids are crazy, but I love them.”

Cas smiled to himself, happy that Duma managed to settle down with a family after she was honorably discharged. “It’s been awhile, and Dean didn’t want to leave me behind. I have half a mind to go anyway and just not tell anyone.” He tilted his head back against the couch and rubbed Havoc’s fur behind his ears. “I’m thirty years old, I shouldn’t have to sneak around to do my damn job.”

Havoc farted loudly on Cas’ lap and Duma started laughing. “Castiel!” She laughed again. “You do need some time off.”

“It was the dog, Duma. I’m on puppy-sitting duty.” He chuckled despite himself and scratched Havoc’s back. “I think you’re right though, maybe a weekend off won’t kill me. Are you good, though? Is there anything you need from me?”

“A dog? Oh, the one from his Instagram. He is a cutie, but I’d rather not smell him," she joked. “What I need is for you to not get on a plane and chase that boy. You need the rest. Let your tattoos breathe, maybe get laid.”

His mind wandered to Arthur and the litany of texts and calls Cas had ignored recently. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a terrible idea, and hell... Duma was right, he needed it. “We’ll see. Talk soon, Duma. Over and out.” 

He hung up, staring at his screen and wondering if he should ask Dean’s permission to have Arthur over or not. Logic said Dean would be in the air by now and wouldn’t get the text anyway, and if Cas really thought about it... fucking someone else in Dean’s house would feel wrong. He decided against it, standing and scooping Havoc’s wriggling body up with him as he made his way to his room. Dean was safe, at least until he landed, and Cas really did need some sleep. 

He’d figure the rest out in the morning.


	5. Fortunate Son

**Dean**

His monthly meeting with Abaddon was probably the worst part of his job. She wasn’t horrible, she definitely took care of Dean and kept the tabloids in check, but she was intense and... scary. She’d been his manager for most of his life, he couldn’t imagine replacing her. She walked into his house like she own the place, calling out for Dean. 

He scooped up Havoc and made his way to the front room. “Yes, Your Highness?”

She smiled slyly as she pushed her way in, she’d always loved that nickname. “Keep that mutt away from me, we’ve got business to attend to. Sit.” She set her briefcase down on his table and seated herself, gesturing to the chair opposite her as she crossed her legs.

“He’s not a mutt, Abaddon. This is _his_ house.” Dean put Havoc down who looked at her and walked away. “See, he doesn’t like you, now.”

Abaddon shrugged, tapping her long nails on the wood. “Enough about the creature, I’d like to keep this short and sweet. I’m here to invite you to a wedding.”

“Gross, why? Who’s gettin’ married?” He plopped down in the chair. Dean fucking hated weddings, but at least the receptions were fun. Especially with an open bar.

She leaned forward with a glint in her eyes that told Dean he was about to fucking hate whatever came out of her mouth. “You are.”

“The fuck?!” _This bitch is crazy!_

That look turned icy as she stared him down. “First of all, watch your mouth with me. I made you who you are and I can bury you with a single word.” She smiled abruptly, somehow looking even scarier for it. “You’ll be marrying Jo Harvelle next March, I’ve already sent the details to that useless handler of yours, Jack, and to your bodyguards. Jo has been brought up to speed as well. We feel collectively that this is the next logical step in your... _relationship.”_

“No.” Dean stood up. “You can go to hell. Bury me, whatever. You control everything in my life, but I won’t do this. No way Jo agreed. You’re not trapping her with this bullshit. I’m gay, Abaddon. I won’t marry a woman.” He started pacing. Why hadn’t anyone told him? Why was this even a discussion?

She stood, sighing like she knew this was coming. “As you wish, Dean. Say goodbye to this house… your life, your fans… and your bank account. Everything you own belongs to me, you _really_ should have thought about renegotiating that contract of yours after your parents died.” She grabbed her briefcase and winked at him. “You’ll let me know if you change your mind, won’t you, pet?”

“Alright! Fuck! Fucking fine!” Dean stormed off, kicking over a vase. “Get the fuck out!” He’d never stood up to Abaddon, and he definitely never spoke to her like that before, but he was too angry to give a shit. He picked up a glass bowl and slammed it on the floor.

Cas came tearing out of his room just as Abaddon walked out the door, laughing at his outburst. Cas had his phone in his hand as his face was paler than Dean had ever seen it. “Dean?”

Dean was seconds away from continuing his rampage when he heard Cas’ voice. “What?! Think I should get married, too?”

His hand clenched around his phone and he set it down gently, kneeling to pick up the shards of broken glass. “No, Dean. Believe me when I tell you that your marriage to Jo would be one of my worst nightmares.”

“I can’t do it, Cas. I can’t do that to her. She says this arrangement helps her with Drake, but I know she does it for me. I’ve asked too much of her. And I’m tried of hiding. Why do I have to hide?” He walked over and kneeled down across from Cas. “Why can’t I just be me?”

Cas’ face crumpled for a moment and he ducked down, busying himself with cleanup. “That’s unfortunately the price you in particular have to pay for fame, Dean. Your fans see you a very specific way, and if that’s upset for any reason...” He shook his head, staring at the broken pieces in his hand. “Your life is already dangerous enough as-is.”

He hated the entire situation. Why couldn’t he have fans and be gay? Other celebrities did it. Why was it different for him? Maybe losing his fame would have been a good thing. “I don’t wanna be that guy. I wanna be me. Is me not good enough?” Dean whispered, not quite sure why he was saying any of this to Cas.

“Dean. Dean, look at me.” Cas waited until he finally made eye contact and let out a slow breath. “You’re good enough, exactly the way that you are. Secrets, no secrets, gay, straight... it doesn’t matter. You are enough, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

Dean stared into Cas’ eyes, wondering when the hell they got so blue. He knew he had blue eyes, but they looked different this time. Maybe it was the lighting. He looked down and started helping Cas clean up the mess. “I don’t want to marry her, Cas.”

“Well, the way I see it, you have two choices. You can either marry her, and nothing really changes, you still have to hide either way. Or, you tell the world who you truly are and walk away from fame.” He dumped the glass into the trash can and walked over to wash his hands.

Dean stayed down on his knees, pondering those two options and both seemed fucking sucky. “You think she could ruin me? Why would someone do that?”

Cas turned around and dried his hands, nodding slowly. “She could, yes. And it’s simply because you’re worth more to her when you fit in that pristine little box she shoved you in as a child. To the public’s knowledge, you’re in a loving, monogamous, heterosexual relationship. You don’t drink excessively or do drugs, you’re careful not to swear on camera. She’s made you untouchable, but there’s a price to pay for a pedestal that high.”

Dean finally sighed and stood up. “She was mean to Havoc too; he didn’t even want to smell her. Can I fire her?”

“I’m not the right person to ask about that, Dean. I have no idea how these things work.” He stepped forward, stopping right in front of Dean. “But you should know, that no matter what happens... you still have my protection. Whether or not you’re famous. If you choose to give it up, I will do everything I can to continue to keep you safe.”

Dean looked into those blue eyes again and felt calmer. “Thanks, Cas. I’d pay you my last dollar.” He smiled and turned to go clean the other mess, and Cas didn’t say much else.

After he went to his room, he grabbed his phone to call Jo. He had no fucking clue what to say to her, but he knew they had to talk. 

“Hey there... _fiancé,”_ she joked, but he could hear she didn’t really find it funny either. 

“Shit, Jo... what are we gonna do?” Dean ran a hand down his face.

She sighed. “Doesn’t sound like we have much choice, Dean.” 

Dean nodded, imagining them married and in open relationships sounded fucking taxing. He hated it now, he imagined he’d hate it even more then. “We don’t gotta... I can quit.”

“What?! Don’t be crazy, Dean.” 

Dean stood up and started pacing. “Is it? Is it really any crazier than this? What about when you want to start a real family? C’mon, Jo. We knew this wouldn’t last forever.”

“I’m not planning on starting a family anytime soon, Dean. We have time, and... I don’t know. I just don’t want you making any rash decisions, and this is as much for me as it is for you. Drake wouldn’t be able to handle the spotlight and our fake relationship is probably the only thing saving my real one.” She paused. “I think we should do it.”

Dean froze. He didn’t realize it was actually helping her relationship. It was easy to imagine being a burden or a strain on them, but hearing he was helping made him actually consider it. He’d never be happy... but if he could help her be happy... “Alright, Jo. W—” He took a breath. “Want me to propose at some public event?”

He could practically hear her grimace. “I don’t want to make you do that. Maybe we skip that part and just announce the engagement? Maybe at the convention in Miami? That’s a couple of months away, but it should still give Abaddon plenty of time to get the publicity she wants before March.”

“Alright let’s do that. Pick whatever ring you want and I’ll buy it. I’m not good at that stuff... sorry it’s not... romantic or anything.” He scratched the back of his neck, the words feeling like poison before he even spoke them. “Um... Jo... will you marry me?”

She spurted a laugh, her voice getting distant for a moment like she pulled the phone away from her ear. “Jesus, Dean. Seriously, stop. It’s weirding me out. We’ll get through this together, doing the absolute bare minimum of shit we have to do. But yes, I will.”

Dean inhaled a deep breath and released a noise that was half laugh, half growl. “Alright, Jo. But if you come home one day, and the pool boy is fuckin’ me, don’t be surprised.”

“Same goes for you, I’ll still have Drake.” She cleared her throat quietly. “What are we gonna do about living arrangements? Didn’t you have that smokin’ hot bodyguard move in with you?”

“Yeah, but he’s not interested. I think he thinks I’m like a kid or something. I’d absolutely let him though.” Dean chuckled. “Guess we can either get an even bigger house, or have them build one attached to this one for you and Drake. I don’t know, but we’ll figure it out.”

Jo groaned, pausing again. “You’re right, we’ll figure it out. I promise, Dean. And I’ll never ask you to be anything you’re not, okay?”

“Thanks, Jo. Right back at ya. Ima go have a drink... or ten. Have a good night.” They hung up and he walked out to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and started drinking — not even bothering with a glass. 

An hour later, Dean was _drunk!_ Cas had been in his room the whole time, but Cole walked in looking pretty damn hot. “Cole, look at this dude.” He was browsing his dating app, looking for a new conquest.

Cas came out just as Cole leaned over his shoulder. “Hell, I’m not even gay but I’d add him to the list.” 

“Everyone’s kinda gay. Don’t think I forgot about our gay thing.” Dean tried to wink but ended up blinking. “You remember.”

Cole laughed and smacked him playfully in the side of the head. “Yeah, you’re on the list, too.”

“Should I give you two a moment?” Cas raised an eyebrow, looking a lot less amused than Cole did.

“I dunno, would you last longer than a moment, Cole?” Dean chuckled and dropped his phone into the couch cushions. “I’m trying to get fucked into last week, you know, before this nightmare. I messaged that guy... where did my phone go?” He moved his throw pillows around, trying to find it.

Cole grabbed his arm just firm enough to get Dean’s attention. “Hey, no. You’re not fuckin’ anyone else from that app, you hear me? Not after what happened last time. It was cute to look at pictures and shit, but it’s not happening. You want fucked, bend over.”

“Oh... okay.” Dean chuckled and tried to stand up, he tripped over the coffee table and caught himself on the couch, finally seeing where his phone was. “Oh, there it is. Let’s go, Cole. Show me how _not_ gay you are.” He realized he was pretty drunk, but didn’t care. He just wanted to get fucked.

It looked for a second like Cole was actually gonna do it, but Captain Buzzkill cut in. “That’s an equally horrible idea, don’t — damnit, Cole, get away from him.”

It was too late, Cole put his hands on Dean’s waist and pulled him in, looking up at him like he’d eat him alive. “A hole’s a hole, pretty boy. I’d rather it be me than some fuckwad off that app, not to mention I’ve been looking for a way to shut you up.”

Dean laughed out loud and dropped his phone again. “You? Shut me up? Yeah right! I know you’re packin’ in there, but nothing would shut me up. Thought you’d know by now, Cole.” He looked down into Cole’s eyes and bit his lip. “Like to see you try though.”

Cole chuckled a low, promising sound just as Cas lost his shit. “Damnit, Cole! Can you be a professional for eight fucking seconds!”

That shut them both up. Cas never swore like that. Cole blinked and dropped his arms, looking over at Cas. “Princess wants to get laid and he just had his world turned upside down. You got a better idea than it being one of us? You want fucking Ishim coming back, or someone worse than him?”

“No, of course not.” Cas’ face was red, but he steadied his voice. “If Dean needs release so badly, I suggest he calls Jaskier.”

“Oh yeah, that guy. I think he gets back in town this week...” He bent down to grab his phone and lost his balance, making himself giggle. He stood and swayed, pressing the call button. “Sorry, Cole. Daddy Cas says no.” It rang five times before Jask finally answered.

“D? Thought you forgot about me.”

“Thought you did. About me, I mean.” He scratched his head, not sure if he was making sense. “Gonna come fuck me soon, J?“

Jask hummed, walking away from the music that was blaring in the background. “Hell yeah, you just tell me when. You know I miss that ass, it’s the best I’ve ever had.”

“Right now. Havin’ a shit day and I wanna forget my own name.” He tripped again and made his way back towards his bottle, taking another swig.

“Yeah? I can be over in twenty, just gotta call my driver. I got into town this morning.”

“I’ll...” He took another long drink and then burped. “Um... I forgot. M’kay, see you soon.” Dean hung up. “Thanks, Cas. That was an idea... I mean a good one.”

Cas nodded, dropping his eyes to the ground and turning back toward his room. “I’ll be in here if you need me. I’m happy for you, Dean.” He shut his door behind him and Cole sighed dramatically. 

“Great. Can’t wait to deal with _that_ in the morning.”

“What’s that mean?” Dean’s eyes widened as he remembered he had a new pie in the kitchen, and he wandered off, forgetting that Cole was talking. 

He was actually excited to fuck Jask, and not some stranger in the dark. But knowing them, they probably wouldn’t leave the bed for at least a day, so that pie was comin’ too.

**Castiel**

There were few aspects of Cas’ job that he enjoyed less than being on set with Dean. It was boring and seemingly never-ending; he honestly didn’t know how anyone found acting to be an enjoyable career path. 

Today was no exception as he leaned up against the wall while Dean and Jo ran through a sex scene for what felt like the twelfth time. Each take had him a little more uneasy and a lot more jealous. Logically, he knew that Dean’s marriage to Jo would be a publicity stunt at best, and the scene they were currently acting out would never be real, but it still made his stomach churn in protest. 

The muscles of Dean’s bare back glistened with fake sweat as he thrusted rather believably on top of a moaning Jo, and Cas dropped his eyes to the floor. _First of all, that’s not how this is supposed to go. Dean should be on his back, comfortable and pliant, ready to take m— a man. Not grunting overtop a girl he’s not even attracted to._

Desperate to focus on something other than what was happening on stage, he pulled out his phone. Now that the days of Dean online dating were over, Cas was curious about what kind of a profile he’d made that attracted such different calibers of people. He bit his lip, knowing he shouldn’t look… but what was the harm, really? It was innocent, and it wasn’t as though he was going to message Dean or anything. He doubted he’d even be able to find the profile since he’d made it anonymously, but at least the hunt for it would keep his mind occupied. 

Of course the app wanted him to create a profile of his own. He nearly gave up and put his phone away, but a particularly loud, erotic moan from Dean had him doubling down on trying to distract himself. _Okay… username? Um… this isn’t a real profile. TheBodyguard?_ It didn’t work; someone had already taken it. The app suggested the same name with several numerical digits after it, so Cas hastily chose that one and continued, saving a Googled picture of a bumblebee to his phone to upload as his mandatory profile picture. 

Several bare-boned answers to questions later, Cas finally had access. He started swiping quickly, only stopping to read the profiles of potential matches that didn’t have photos of themselves uploaded. 

He flicked his eyes up toward the set and wished he hadn’t, this particular part had Dean kneeling with his back straight and the sheet pooled around the bottom of his thighs. It gave Cas — and everyone else in that room — a crystal-clear view of Dean’s ass. Cas had seen it before, but something about the lighting and the way the scene was staged made Dean’s physique look even better. Cas dropped his phone and it clattered loudly to the ground, but only a couple of heads turned his way. 

No one — man, woman, straight, gay, or otherwise — could look away from Dean. The way his body moved was art in its purest form, and Cas was so blown away by it that his own body failed to respond. It went past eroticism to something deeper, more enveloping… and Cas nearly forgot how to breathe. 

Dean snapped him out of it as the director yelled that they needed to start over. “The fuck is the problem here? Shit was perfect like five takes ago! Ima need to _actually_ get laid if we wanna keep this going.”

Cas blushed, finally pulling his eyes away and picking up his phone. He swiped a couple more times on his screen and was about to give up when something caught his eye. 

**_Username: AdorableBatman_ **

**_About Me: “Life’s a bitch, bitch.”_ **

The photo attached was of someone in a low-rent Batman costume facing a sunset with a guitar slung over his back. Cas’ heartbeat sped up as he stared at it, memories flashing through his mind of all the times Dean had said that exact, stupid phrase to him — and the more he thought about it, the more plausible it seemed that the picture came from a pilot Dean had shot as Batman that never made the air. _Adorable Batman? If that doesn’t sound like the way Dean would describe himself, then I don’t know him at all._

Now that he’d found the damn profile, he didn’t know what to do with it. He chuckled to himself at how silly it had been to even look for it, and swiped right just because he could. He pocketed his phone just as Dean finally slid off the bed with that ridiculous modesty pouch and high-fived one of the cameramen. 

Dean walked up to Cas and swung his hips around like an idiot. “Does my junk look weird?” He stuck his tongue out and swung it again.

Every part of Cas was itching to smile, because as juvenile as it was, it was still adorable. So... _Dean._ Instead, he rolled his eyes and checked his watch. “You’re an idiot. Go do your job, I’d like to go home sometime this week.”

~~~~

Why Cas ever thought going home was a good idea, he’d never know. It hadn’t occurred to him that they’d be leaving him behind — _again_ — when Dean traveled to his latest scheduled appearance. If that wasn’t bad enough… this time, he was stuck with Jaskier. 

“Remind me again why you’re here?” Cas asked, annoyed that the man seemed to shed more than the dog did. 

“Does it bother you that I’m here?” Jask challenged with a smirk. “I’m with Havoc. He likes me more than you.”

It was an irrefutable fact, but it didn’t make Cas any happier. “Yes, it bothers me that you’re here. Shouldn’t you be... I don’t know, with your team?”

“Tore my ACL, Cas. I have appearances to do next week, but I can’t practice. I like it here.” He made himself more comfy. “Dean’s hot, huh?”

Cas squinted at him, crossing his arms over his chest. “I should hope you think so, you’re the one fucking him.” _Not today, Satan._

“I mean to you. _You_ think he’s hot. Don’t gotta lie, this is a safe place.” Jask continued to pet Havoc.

Denying it sounded like a worse idea than just admitting it, so he chose the safest route. “Of course I think he’s attractive. Everyone on Planet Earth finds Dean attractive. It’s one of the many reasons he’s famous enough to hire bodyguards in the first place.” He pushed off the wall, reminding himself he was not technically on duty, and no part of his contract said he needed to be Jask’s bodyguard, too. He disappeared into his room, changing into shorts and nothing else, then put his tongue ring back in. _If Jask wants to play stupid games… fine._

Cas tightened the ball on his ring and made his way back out into the living room, pulling the yoga mat from beside the fireplace and stretching it out. “Do you mind?” 

Jask’s eyes widened and he quickly jumped up. “No fucking way. Straight-laced is tatted!? Let me see them.”

He kept the smug expression from his face and tucked his tongue ring between his teeth so it was visible. Cas eyed Jaskier with boredom and faint annoyance, but shrugged and stepped over to him. “I’m not as straight-laced as people think, I’m simply not a moron.”

“Tongue ring, too? Does Dean know?” He picked up his phone and started texting. “You should wear the tongue ring all the time, it’s hot.”

There was a brief moment when Cas regretted his little show. Dean had no idea about any of it and he preferred to keep it that way… but chances were good Dean wouldn’t believe Jaskier anyway. “My job isn’t to be _hot,_ it’s to be effective. And part of being effective is remaining professional, which… the tongue ring is not.” 

“Well, no need to be professional this weekend. Let’s go play with that tongue ring.” Jask checked him out with his lips between his teeth.

Under different circumstances, Cas might’ve taken him up on that offer. Jaskier was objectively nearly as good-looking as Dean, but Jaskier _was_ Dean’s, and this was wrong. “Aren’t you here for Dean?”

“Dean isn’t here. We have an arrangement. Have you two fucked?”

Cas suddenly remembered Dean saying something to that effect and knew Jaskier wasn’t lying, but it still sounded like a horrible idea. He allowed himself one moment of dragging his eyes down Jaskier’s body and then shook his head, dropping down on the yoga mat to start doing push-ups. “No, we haven’t. And you and I aren’t compatible in that department... from what I understand, we’re both hard tops.”

“That puts a kink in things. Surprised Dean hasn’t asked you to fuck him. He’s needy, sometimes.” Jask walked back to the couch. “Sure you’re not a switch?”

The muscles in his arms started to burn as he continued doing push-ups, at this point, just to stop himself from pointing out that there are other ways to get off that didn’t involve actually having sex. “I’m positive I have no interest in bottoming, and I never said he hasn’t asked.”

Jask’s smile faded slightly and he looked back at his phone. “D doesn’t believe me.”

Cas chuckled quietly and did a half dozen more reps before rolling and sitting up, smirking. “Of course he doesn’t, I take my job seriously. Did you also tell him you’re trying to sleep with me? I’m sure he’d be thrilled to hear it.” He pushed himself to a standing position and stretched, popping his back and flexing his shoulders.

“Why would we tell him that? We don’t work for each other, you and he don’t fuck, and he isn’t my boss. No harm, no foul.” He shrugged.

Cas ran a hand over his face and scratched at the slight stubble on his jaw. Technically, Jaskier was correct. He wouldn’t be doing anything wrong, he needed a release... and face-fucking Jask until he finally shut up sounded incredibly satisfying. It had been months since the last time Cas got off, and the thought of it actually happening had him bulging his shorts. He cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, I’m not interested.” _I’m in love with Dean, you colossal idiot. Touching you would be a betrayal, arrangement or not, and I refuse to do that to him._

“You sure.” He pointed at Cas’ shorts. “Seems like you might need the release. Bet you Dean is getting ass-rammed as we speak.”

He took a deep breath and exhaled through his nose, walking over toward the door to get his shoes. “Dean deserves better than you, I hope you know that.” Cas bent down and laced them, then jerked the door open. “I’m going for a run. Make yourself useful and clean up the damn mess you made. I’m not your keeper.” He slammed the door behind him and took off, calming down a little more each time his feet hit the pavement. 

~~~~

Cas stayed out of the house as much as he could over the next couple of days. Jaskier had become insufferable. He hadn’t given up his quest to get Cas to sleep with him, and he kept giving Cas knowing little looks and shutting down when asked about them. 

When it was finally time to get Dean from the airport, he pointedly refused to take Jask with him because he was officially on the clock again. He tucked his tongue ring into a small case in his pocket and got into the limo, driving over to the airport and trying not to envision the nine hundred different ways Jaskier could and would make things awkward once Dean was back. 

This led to him being spacey and distracted as he got out of the car and made his way into the airport, which apparently made him an easy target for the group of reporters that normally hung out there sniffing for stories. He was snapped back into reality by a barrage of questions when one of them recognized him. 

“Who are you picking up?”

“Oh my god, that’s Dean Winchester’s bodyguard!”

“Are you here for Dean? Do you work for anyone else?”

“Are you the bodyguard that lives with Dean? Does Jo live there too?”

Cas brushed off the reporters and kept moving, but he was blocked by a wall of what appeared to be fans of Dean. _This is why I normally wait on the damn tarmac._

“What does he smell like?” 

“I heard he’s gay!!” 

It wasn’t the first time a troll had made a comment like that, so Cas was well-poised to hide the fear those types of statements brought. He turned, heaving a sigh. “I am not at liberty to discuss any of the things you’ve asked, and every single one of you already knows this. Now, please excuse me, I have a job to do.” 

He pushed his way through the crowd and caught sight of Dean, jerking his head subtly to the right. Relief flooded his body when Dean ducked to the side and headed toward the opposite exit, pulling his hood up and avoiding the hoard people still screaming questions at him with Jody on his heels. 

Somehow, they made it back to the car without further incident and Jody said her goodbyes before they started the drive back home, though Cas’ mood was shot. _Not that it wasn’t already, this is going to be a nightmare._

Dean had his own questions about Havoc and Jaskier, and what the three of them had been up to while he was gone. Cas did his best to answer without really answering. 

“Why are you so grouchy? Aren’t you happy to see me?” He donned that annoying, innocent grin that always got Cas to melt.

All the tension in Cas’ body ebbed away and he smirked to himself, partially at how adorable Dean was, but also because he knew he made the right choice by not messing around with Jaskier. “Of course I’m happy to see you, Dean. I’m sorry, it’s been a rough couple of days. I was worried about you.”

“Was Jask an ass? Did Havoc poop in your shoes again? Did you just miss me so bad it made you have a rough weekend?”

The faint, teasing smile that Cas caught in the rearview mirror nearly undid him, and nothing in the world could have convinced him to lie. “All three, but... mostly the last.”

“Aww. Wanna have another hot chocolate movie night? I have more movies you need to see.”

Cas chuckled, finally pulling in the driveway. “Are you offering to kick Jaskier out for me, Dean?”

“Oh yeah... that guy. Maybe tomorrow, I need some dick tonight.”

He sighed, parking the car and getting out to retrieve the bags. 

_Well, it was worth a try._


	6. Looking for a Reason

**Dean**

Dean walked over by the trunk and leaned against it. “Heard you have a lotta tattoos… gonna share with the class, Betty?” He was still doing his adorable grin he knew people couldn't resist… well other people, apparently not Cas.

“I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, Dean.” Cas shut the trunk and released the handle on Dean’s suitcase so he could roll it. “Can we go?”

Dean scoffed. “Whatever, man. Ima see ‘em.” And Dean being Dean, he started singing a remix to Blondie’s ‘One Way Or Another’. _“One way or another, I’m gonna see ’em. I’m gonna see ‘em, see ‘em, see ‘em, see ‘em, one way or another.”_ He laughed like he was the funniest person alive as he walked towards the house. 

“That’s just creepy, De—” Cas was cut off by the front door opening wide and Jask jogging out to meet them.

“Hey, D. I missed you!” 

“I mi—” Dean was cut off by Jask’s lips. He was used to Jask being pretty affectionate, but this time it was much more enthusiastic, making Dean smile against his lips. “That much, huh?” Dean licked at his lips. _Maybe Jask is starting to actually like me for more than sex._ He truly had no clue how that felt, and the idea that someone was falling for him caught him off guard. 

The problem was, Dean already liked Jask as much as he believed he could. It wasn’t love, that was for sure. The guy was fun and a good lay, he got along with his dog and got all Dean’s movie references. But as much as all of that was nice, they didn’t have that _spark._ Maybe the spark didn’t really exist? Maybe this was as good as it gets? Especially for someone like Dean. Call him a helpless romantic, but Dean didn’t know he could ever settle for anything less than that fake spark he pretended to feel on TV. He wanted that, _needed_ that. Dean Winchester went his whole life wanting to be loved, and yet when the prospect of Jask loving him crossed his mind, he felt… short changed. 

That wasn’t about to mess with his mood though. Maybe Dean would never find real love, but that never stopped him from looking in all the wrong places before. 

“Yeah, that much.” Jaskier kissed him again. “Let me go show you.”

“Lead the way, J.” Dean offered Cas a head nod. “Thanks, Cas, see you later on.” He winked and let Jask pull him along towards his bedroom.

~~~~

“C’mon, Cas. Just let me see them? Why not?” Dean sat on his stool in his sweatpants that night while Jask made him a sandwich. 

Cas sighed, tugging the sleeves of his suit jacket down. “Again, I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Am I gonna have to be a peeping Tom to see them? Really? I just wanna see what they are. I always wanted a tattoo, bu—”

“Don’t you dare, your skin is flawless, D.” Jask was still being overly sweet and affectionate. 

Dean scoffed. “Yeah right, I’m covered in fucking freckles.” He blushed, he’s always hated those dumb freckles. 

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with your freckles, Dean,” Cas said, a little firmer than strictly necessary if you asked Dean.

Apparently, Jask felt the same. “Oh, yeah, Cas? I can draw you a map of them, if ya’d like.” He winked, and Cas glanced up toward the ceiling like he’d had about enough of Jaskier’s shit. 

“I’m not allowed to get them anyway. Part of the damn contract I signed when I was like eight years old. Not really fair, but whatever. Oh wait, J said you also had a tongue ring, can I at least see that?”

“No, and I can’t fathom why you’d want to.” 

Jask slid over the plate for Dean and he took a giant bite. “Fine, Ima find a way. I don’t quit easily, Cas. You know me better than anyone.”

The noise that Jask made had both of their heads turning towards him. “What? I think I know you pretty damn well, D.”

“You do, but it’s different, we don’t really talk much outside of fucking, let’s be real.” He took another bite. “You know how to make me come, I’ll give you that.”

“Well, maybe we should change that? What’s your favorite color?” Jask took a bite out of his sandwich and waited patiently.

Dean was taken aback and didn’t feel this was the time nor place for this kind of discussion, but he went along with it. “Blue. You?”

“Red. Now, your favorite food.”

“If you don’t know that, we should call it quits now.” Dean continued eating.

“What? Pie? That doesn’t count, that’s dessert.” Jask argued and Dean could have sworn he heard Cas chuckle to himself, but when he glanced over, his face was as stoic as ever.

“Fuck you, who made that rule? Pie always counts, any time of day. Right, Cas?” He finished his sandwich and took a drink from his water bottle. 

Cas nodded, looking at Jask with a smug expression. “By definition, dessert is still food. If it doesn’t count, then I have failed exponentially in my quest to keep him fed.” 

Dean smiled, knowing Cas probably knew both answers to Jask’s little quiz off the top of his head. Cas lived here, but he didn’t doubt Cas already knew beforehand. Cas cared for him, probably more than anyone else in the world. He didn’t feel he deserved that, but he sure as shit hoped he never lost it. 

~~~~

By the third consecutive day in a row, Jask was actually kinda annoying. He was fun, Dean wouldn’t deny that, but he was a damn jock. No other way to put it. “So uh... got some news this week...”

Jask frowned, looking over at him. “Good or bad?”

“Horrible.” Dean scoffed and laid back on his bed, his palm over his eyes. “Abaddon is makin’ me marry Jo next spring.”

His expression didn’t change. “Okay… why’s that so bad? You’re gonna get about five thousand wedding gifts and it’s not like you gotta fuck her, right?”

Dean moved his hand and eyed him. “No, I don’t gotta fuck her. But I don’t wanna marry her. In case you missed the memo, I’m gay. Like... dick up the ass, gay.” _Why isn’t he more upset? We’re supposed to be... whatever we are. Even Cas was more upset by it and he’s just my bodyguard._

“Yeah... I know, cause I’m the one fucking that ass. But that’s not gonna change unless you want it to, so I’m failing to see the real issue here.” Jask shrugged, sitting up and pulling his long hair back. “Just sounds like free shit and a huge party to me.”

“Cause everything is a party for you, asshatt.” Dean sat up, hearing a noise. “Is that the shower? Ima see these fucking tattoos.” He sprinted towards the door and rushed towards Cas’ side of the house. 

The bathroom door was closed, but the water was definitely running. He placed his ear to the wood and quickly shoved the door open. “Ha!!!” But Cas was fully dressed and fucking shaving. “Sonofabitch!!!”

Cas looked over, continuing to shave. “Um... can I help you, Dean?”

“Why aren’t you naked?!” He walked in and tried to peek under his sleeve. “C’mon, Cas. Is this the shit you meant when you said you could make me beg?”

He chuckled, pulling his arm back and setting the razor down. “I’m confused, are you trying to see my tattoos or my penis?”

“Well... both. Let’s be real here. But you guys are fuckin’ with me. There aren’t any damn tattoos. Four years, Cas? No way you hid those for four years.”

Cas raised a single eyebrow and put his palm on Dean’s chest, pushing him out of the room. “Goodbye, Dean.” The door shut again and the lock clicked into place.

Dean pressed his forehead to the door and bit back a smile. “Why are you playin’ hard to get? You’ve seen me naked.”

“Not technically. You had a modesty pouch.” Cas laughed again and it sounded like he got closer to the door. “You’re right. Beg me, and I’ll show you.”

“Ah, fuck off.” Dean pushed off and walked back toward his room with a huge grin.

Jask was standing in Dean’s doorway with his arms crossed. “There something I should know about you two?”

“What? No, why?” Dean walked in the room and picked up Havoc to lay with him.

“Oh, y’know. He’s seen you naked, you wanna see his dick.” Jask gallic shrugged, looking faintly annoyed. “Call it a hunch.”

“He was on set for my last sex scene. He’s seen everything but the actual goods. And what do you care? You never asked me to share the roster before. You really wanna go there, J?” Dean sat up, and eyed Jask. He could feel there was more to this, but also knew the asshole would probably blow it off if he tried to ask.

He shook his head, stripping down and climbing back on the bed, crawling across it until he was unseating Havoc to hover over Dean. “Nope, don’t wanna talk about him anymore. Had about enough of that dickhead for the rest of my life.” 

“That dickhead has saved my life multiple times... and my literal ass. Why don’t you like him?” Dean just couldn’t let it go. Cas was... well, Cas. But he wasn’t a bad guy.

Jask kissed him, dragging his tongue over Dean’s lip. “I wasn’t gonna say anything, but... he tried to sleep with me when you were gone.”

Dean tensed under Jask, hoping he didn’t notice. _The hell? Why?!_ “Shut up.” _No fucking way._

“How the hell do you think I found out about the tats and the tongue ring? He was walking around in nothing but shorts, playing with the damn thing. He tried more than once, but I told him I’m yours.” Jask kissed him again, grinding against him.

Dean’s mood was completely shot. “Oh... well... thanks, I guess.” He gripped his hips. “Mine, huh?” He asked, trying to lift his spirits back up.

Jask nodded, kissing down Dean’s neck. “Yep. I think the guy’s just horny, though. Maybe you should hire him a hooker, doubt his personality lets him get laid any other way.” He gently bit Dean’s chest and chuckled low. “Poor guy.”

“Thought you didn’t wanna talk about him?” Dean flipped them and straddled Jask’s waist. “Still gonna fuck me when I’m married?”

He bit his lip and thrusted up, gripping Dean’s hips. “Hell yeah. Doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to me if you’re hitched or not.”

“I don’t believe you. Show me.” Dean leaned down and bit along his neck. “Shit, Havoc.” He jumped off Jask and grabbed the pup to set him outside the room. “He shouldn’t watch this.”

Cas was standing in the living room, his hair wet but otherwise dressed as a bodyguard. He looked at Dean with a curious expression then picked Havoc up when he ran to him.

“Thanks, Cas.” He closed the door and turned back towards the bed. “Where were we?”

~~~~

 _So, that was weird._ Dean had pictured Cas while jacking off before, but never when he was actually getting fucked. And how fast he came after picturing a tatted Cas should have been embarrassing.

Luckily for him, Jask had to head out that afternoon, leaving Dean to his thoughts... and his pie. 

He had no clue where Cas was, but the thought of him trying to fuck Jask bothered him. He didn’t even know if he had the right to be pissed, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t, and he sure didn’t need to take it out on the poor apple pie.

That pie was nearly gone when Cas surfaced again. “Did he leave?”

“Yup. Disappointed?” He took another bite of crust, not bothering to offer Cas any.

Cas frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothin’ everything is fan-friggin-tastic. Gettin’ married, all is well, right?” He pushed away the pie tin and stood up, knowing damn well he should have eaten less.

All his bodyguard did was nod and get out of his way, stepping back into the living room. “I’d hardly say all was well, but... you’re entitled to feel however you feel about it.”

“Am I? Doesn’t feel like I’m even allowed to have feelings about it.” He rubbed his belly. “Let’s run away to the cabin and live off the land.”

Cas turned to look at him, staring at him way too friggin intensely. “Say the word, Dean. I told you that.”

“Will there be pie?” Dean attempted to save the mood. Cas didn’t owe him anything, he could want to fuck whoever he wanted to fuck, yet he chose to be there with Dean. That had to count for something. He decided to let it go... or at least try.

“All the pie and double bacon cheeseburgers you could eat… and no one to tell you that you can’t.” Cas smiled lightly and checked his watch, then glanced to toward the door. It was a movement he’d done so many times it was almost a tick. 

“Count me in.” Dean walked over to grab a water. “Thirsty, Cas?”

Cas shook his head, fidgeting with his tongue and watching Dean. “Are you serious?”

“Um... yeah?” He took a long slow drink, his eyes locked on Cas, blatantly checking him out. _Is this dude getting hotter by the damn day?_

There was a stretch of silence that nearly got awkward, then Cas took a step forward. “When are we leaving? There are arrangements that need to be made, and...” a small smile spread across his face and he looked back at Dean. “You can be you.”

 _Okay... that sounded enticing._ “I think you’d get sick of me.” He joked. “Besides, I wouldn’t have any money. How would I pay you? Never mind, forget it. It was a crazy idea.”

“Dean.” Cas took a step forward, looking more serious than Dean had ever seen him. “You wouldn’t have to pay me. I’ve saved more than enough money to get us through, and I...” He swallowed, darting his eyes away. “I won’t get sick of you. I think we’d have the opposite problem.”

“Yeah?” Dean walked closer with his tongue between his lips. “Think so, huh?“ _More like hotter by the damn second._

Cas’ watch started chirping incessantly, but it took him a long moment to look away. He pressed the button, annoyed, and turned his back to Dean. “Yes, Ma’am?” His earpiece was in, so Dean didn’t have a damn clue what was going on, but the conversation was short. He turned, suddenly looking skeptical. “I now feel obligated to tell you... that you have another interview scheduled, courtesy of Abaddon. She said it’s a present for your cooperation. It’s a Batman film.”

Dean stood there a moment, shocked. “I get to be Batman?! Like for real this time?? Not some failed TV show? Holy shit!” His smile hurt his cheeks. “Batman, Cas?!”

**Castiel**

They’d been so close. So, _so_ close, and Abaddon pulled the one card that could change Dean’s mind. Cas tried desperately to hide the disappointment on his face, but even with his training there was only so much he could take before his carefully crafted demeanor slipped. ”Yes, Dean. Batman.” He offered Dean the best smile he could muster but he knew it fell flat. “We leave in the morning. You should get some rest.” 

Cas stood a little straighter and stared ahead, taking a stance that would tell Dean the discussion was over as far as he was concerned. 

It wasn’t that Cas didn’t want to be a bodyguard anymore, it was the fact that his heart was breaking every single day that Dean had to hide. Every day he had to put on that picture-perfect persona in the public and compensate by being a brat in private. There was no happy medium, and despite how much Dean had previously seemed to love it, it seemed he had reached the end of his rope. Cas saw an out… had seen an out for both of them. Maybe away from the limelight, away from the fame, Cas could finally tell Dean that he didn’t have to spend his life searching for someone that loved him for him… because that person was right in front of him. 

Dean said something Cas didn’t catch, and he immediately felt bad. “I’m sorry, Dean. What did you say?”

“I asked if you think I’d make a good Batman.” Dean took in every inch of his face. “You alright?”

 _No, no I’m not._ Cas steeled his expression and nodded once. “Of course, Dean. You’ll make an excellent Batman. It will be a physically demanding role, but I can’t imagine anyone better suited for it.” He rolled his tongue forward and pressed it against the inside of his teeth, already missing his barbell. 

“Shit... I just ate a whole pie, too... I gotta work out.” Dean took two steps and rubbed his belly. “Maybe in like an hour.”

Cas folded his hands behind his back and glanced toward the door. “We could go for a run, if you’d like.”

“In your suit?” Dean grinned, widely and then chuckled. “I can picture it.”

He screwed up his face and finally looked at Dean again. “I don’t work out in my suit, that would be ridiculous.”

“Can’t wait then.” Dean winked and made his way to the couch. “You know my username was AdorableBatman on that dating app?”

Cas cleared his throat, studying his shoes. “Was it?” _I’m aware, very aware, please don’t press me._

“Yup. Guess I know the future. Wanna know yours?”

 _No._ “Enlighten me, Dean.” He raised an eyebrow and lifted his chin until he was finally looking at him again, this time with a slight level of amusement he couldn’t quite fight off.

“I’m gonna see those tattoos soon.” He clicked his tongue and winked at Cas.

Now that Dean knew about them, Cas was sure he wouldn’t be able to hide them much longer, and he didn’t even have a real reason to. But now, it was a matter of principal and if nothing else, it was a fun game. “Oh? Are you going to keep barging in on me at inappropriate times until you see them?”

“Yup! You gonna tell me not to?” Dean was still doing that idiotic grin that drove Cas crazy, and it was getting harder to focus. 

Cas shrugged one shoulder as he walked toward his room. “No, but I make no apologies for what else you might see. Go get changed, your Batman training starts now.”

Without waiting for a response, Cas closed and locked his door behind him, chuckling to himself as he pulled out his long sleeved compression shirt and matching pants. They were tighter than he remembered, but if they happened to show off every muscle and hard line of his body... Cas wasn’t going to complain. He tossed on a pair of grey running shorts over his compression pants for at least a semblance of modesty, then laced his sneakers, reattached his holster, and made his way back out to the living room.

Dean was still in his room but came out a few moments later in gray sweats and a red shirt. “Ah, come on!!” He motioned to Cas’ outfit.

He licked his lip slowly and grinned. “What? I sweat. You should stretch.” Cas bent down to stretch out, touching his toes a few times and then straightening out and bouncing in place. “Let’s go. I’ll take it easy on you.” He opened the door and took a look around, not sensing any immediate threats or any potential hazards. It was getting dark, so they’d have that on their side soon enough.

Dean followed, not looking around at all, which only annoyed Cas. Didn’t he have any regard for his own safety? Or did he just trust Cas that much? “C’mon, old man.”

Cas took that as a personal challenge and took off, turning when he got a few feet away and jogging backward as he smirked at Dean. “Do you really want to test me, _boy?”_

“Boy? Pfft.” Dean was keeping up, but it was obviously harder on him than it was for Cas.

He pivoted carefully until he was side-by-side with Dean and kept his pace, knowing he had no real reason to show off. “Make a right up here.”

“Yes... sir.” Dean kept jogging, possibly regretting that pie. He made it a mile before he slowed. “Alright, I should probably run more often.”

Cas stopped entirely, putting his hands on his hips and glancing around. It was nearly dark, but something didn’t feel right to him. “We should head back. Stay close.”

“Can we walk? I’m feelin’ that pie man.” Dean started heading back, his hands on his head.

He’d rather not, but Dean’s comfort was nearly as important as his safety. Cas placed one hand on the middle of Dean’s back and kept his eyes peeled in the darkness. 

Halfway back to the house, he spotted the reason for his unease. Becky, the stalker that had broken into Dean’s house, was walking down the street with a few of her friends. It was hard to make out in the low light, but he was positive it was the girl from the security footage. Cas pushed Dean behind a building and flattened himself against him, covering Dean’s mouth with one hand and glaring at him. _Don’t say a damn word, Dean. Please._

Dean mumbled something but instantly fell in line. Cas was so close he could smell him and those damned green eyes were ridiculously intoxicating. Not to mention _feeling_ him so close was making it hard to breathe. 

He kept Dean pinned and listened hard for the sound of voices. As they got closer, he could clearly make out Becky’s voice and pressed into Dean further, trying to make their silhouette as small as possible.

That was when Cas saw the shift in Dean, his eyes dilated slightly and he rutted into Cas. He couldn’t see Dean’s mouth, but he could feel he was smirking.

 _Shit. This is not the — not the — fuck._ Cas closed his eyes as his cock started to thicken. It wasn’t much, but in those pants... _damnit._ He was sure not even the Rifleman's Creed would save him this time, so he went on the offensive. Cas used his grip on Dean’s mouth to turn his head to the side and tilt it up so that Cas’ hot breath was blowing directly on Dean’s exposed skin.

Cas’ hand stifled Dean’s moan and he could feel he wasn’t the only one chubbing inside his sweats. Dean finally reached out and touched Cas’ hips, just as the voices began to fade.

Not one part of Cas wanted to move. His body was screaming at him to stay right where he was, to lean in just a little further and kiss that flushed skin... _be a goddamned professional._

He moved his hand slowly, dragging it over the length of Dean’s jaw. “The threat is gone, we can move.” Without another moment’s hesitation, Cas backed off, grateful for the smallness of the moon — maybe by the time his shorts were visible again, his damn bulge would be gone.

Dean cleared his throat and took a second to start walking again. “Um... thanks.”

Cas shivered at the loss of Dean and knew that encounter would haunt him for years. “You’re welcome. Now, let’s go home.”

~~~~

Watching Dean pace four days after coming back from the audition had Cas’ teeth on edge. Cas hadn’t gone, those had yet again been forced days off, but from the moment Dean touched back down in LA he’d been wound entirely too tight. The urge to slowly unravel him was almost overbearing, especially after their alleyway encounter. He’d done virtually nothing while Dean was away but avoid that yappy little dog, and touch himself thinking about tying Dean up and taking him apart piece by piece until he finally relaxed.

It was… satisfying and infuriating all at the same time, which more or less defined Dean as a person. 

After ten minutes of Dean trying to wear a hole in the floor, Cas spoke up. “Would you like to watch a movie or something? You have a home theater, and yet you never use it.” 

He stopped pacing and pulled his nail from his teeth. “Yeah... wanna watch another comedy?” Dean walked towards his theater with Cas on his heels.

“If it will make you laugh, absolutely.” Cas flipped on the lights when they got inside and his eyes widened a little. Of all the rooms in Dean’s house, this was one of the only two he’d never been in. He noted a pool table toward the back with a framed poster of a black classic car behind it and a full bar off to the side. Cas wondered why the hell Dean didn’t spend every waking hour in there. “Who’s car?”

Dean glanced at the poster and smiled. “1967 Chevy Impala. Best car in the world. One day… Ima get one.” He turned towards the bar. “Wanna drink? Wait... you gotta go get comfy, man.” He motioned to his tight gray sweatpants and faded Metallica shirt.

Cas shook his head and sit down. “I’m on duty, Dean. I’m comfortable.” He pulled out his cell and clicked around until he pulled up the security feeds. It made him uneasy being so far away from the main entrances to the house, but Dean needed a distraction to take his mind off waiting to hear if he got the role. The feeds would have to do.

Dean rolled his beautiful bratty eyes and walked to the bar. “So, you won’t have a drink with me then, huh?”

“You absolutely already know the answer to that, but truly... I appreciate the offer.” Cas smiled lightly and then turned his attention back to his phone screen as Dean got himself a drink and queued up the movie.

He came back with a glass of scotch and plopped down next to Cas. Dean took a long sip, watching him from the corner of his eye. “How long has it been since you got laid, Cas?”

Cas didn’t so much as outwardly flinch, but the things that went on inside his body at the question... he was squirming. “A while, Dean.”

“A while, huh?” Another painfully long sip. “So long you tried to fuck _my_ fuck buddy?”

 _That_ drew an outward reaction. Cas snapped his eyes toward Dean and narrowed them, simultaneously confused and annoyed. “Excuse me?”

Dean chuckled and took his time answering again. “Jask... you asked J if he wanted to fuck, right? While I was gone.”

Anger flared in his chest, but he shouldn’t have been surprised that Jaskier spun it to make himself look better. “No, Dean. I didn’t. He came on to _me,_ more than once, and I told him that you deserved better than him.” So many things made sense. Dean’s coldness to him while Jaskier was there, the irritation when he left. “I was off duty, completely, for the first time in months. I had my shirt off and my tongue ring in because I didn’t want the hole to close. He took one look at me, and not even three minutes later he was asking me if I was sure I wasn’t a switch.” Cas closed his eyes, knowing he should’ve told Dean sooner. “I’m sorry.”

Dean gallic shrugged and pressed play. “It’s fine, you didn’t owe me an explanation.” He polished off his drink and set the glass on the side table. “Shoulda known better than to believe him.”

Cas sighed, not wanting to make it worse but wishing he could explain to Dean the full truth of what happened. “Right. Dean… I would have never done that to you.” _There. Close enough._

“Well, shucks.” He smirked and bumped Cas with his elbow. “Thanks. He probably would have. Not like he could help it, look at you.” Dean got up and went to make another drink.

For once, Dean’s timing was perfect. The tiny, incredibly unmanly gasp that Cas let out was drowned out completely by the rustling of him standing up. _Don’t. Don’t, don’t push. Don’t push. Don’t —_ “Oh? What’s that supposed to mean?” _God damnit, why do I bother trying to stop myself?_

Dean looked up and wiped the side of his mouth with his thumb. “You’re hot. I can’t imagine how jarring it was to see you tatted and pierced. I’d probably just go straight to my knees. Not that we’d ever know, Mr. Long-sleeves.”

The groan was _not_ quite as muffled this time, but Cas couldn’t bring himself to care. The thought of Dean on his knees was nearly enough to bring him to his own; he’d never been more grateful to actually be sitting down in Dean’s presence. “That was rude.” 

“Ehh well, survey came in, I’m just an asshole.” He did that annoying tongue click, wink combo again and came back to watch the movie. “Shh, Goonies is startin’.”

Shutting up sounded like an excellent idea, so that’s exactly what he did.

They sat too close, but never quite touched, and Cas didn’t know if that was better or worse. When the movie was finally over, Cas cleared his throat and glanced toward Dean. “Do you feel better?” 

“Yeah, actually I do. Thanks, Cas.” Havoc came running in the room and jumped in between them, trying to lick Cas’ face.

For once, Cas let him. He laughed, pulling him away after a moment and handing him to Dean. “Take him, before he tries to sleep with me.”

“Let him... c’mon, Daddy Cas.” Dean held the puppy up and pouted his bottom lip. “Pweeze let me fart in your bed.”

It was irritating and adorable all at once, and Cas chuckled. He scratched under Havoc’s chin and then did the same to Dean just to be an ass. “Daddy Cas is still on duty, he can fart in whomever’s bed he chooses... I’ll never know.”

Dean nuzzled into the touch and made a mock puppy whimper. “Mmm lower.”

He sniggered and lightly scratched the side of Dean’s neck, then brought his hand down and tweaked Dean’s nipple. “Go to bed, you’re distracting me and I have a job to do.”

Dean jumped up and made an _ah_ noise. “Not cool!” He tried to pinch Cas back, but he grabbed Dean’s wrist and held it steady, raising an eyebrow. 

“Daddy Cas says it’s time for both of you to go to sleep, and I don’t appreciate repeating myself.” Not laughing was an effort, one that he lost rather quickly. He dropped Dean’s hand. 

“Now who’s rude? Now I have an inappropriate boner.” Dean stood up and walked funny towards his bedroom. “Goodnight, Betty.”

Cas sighed, watching him go and wishing he could do something about that entirely _appropriate_ boner. “Goodnight, Al.”


	7. I Put a Spell on You

**Dean**

The damn sexual tension with Cas had only escalated over the past few weeks. Dean even found himself not wanting to text Jask back. He didn’t know why, but he had a feeling he just wasn’t what Dean wanted anymore. Jody was over, letting him know the upcoming schedule. _Can’t hurt to ask._ “So when does Cas have some time off?”

She eyed him for a moment and set her phone down. “You’re his boss, Dean. You tell us.”

“Tonight.” He stated. “Have Cole stay the night, I’m getting Cas to loosen the damn tie and have a drink with me.”

Jody spurted a laugh and picked her phone back up, letting out an amused sigh. “Yeah, okay, sweetie. Good luck with that. The day Novak loosens the tie is the day I give birth to twins.”

“Is that a possibility Jody? Got a boy toy I don’t know about?” _Novak is loosenin’ the damn friggin tie, I’d even be happy if he just loosened them pants._

She rolled her eyes and playfully smacked him. “No, which is why it’s so impossible. But fine, I’ll see if Cole will stay.” Jody squinted at him, seeing right through him as always. “Exactly how loose do you want him to get?”

“Shhh... let’s not go there Jody.” Dean winked and did an obscene jacking off hand movement to fuck with her.

Her bitchface was almost as epic as Cas’. “I’ll tell him to stay outside then.” She sighed and shook her head, grumbling as she walked away from him and out the door.

“Bye, Mom.” He called out with a grin, “I’ll tell you how it goes... in detail! Ah, fuck. She can’t hear me anymore. Whatever, I’m hilarious.”

About an hour later, Cole checked in and Cas surfaced out of his room. “Cole? You’re not on duty tonight, why are you here?”

Cole raised his eyebrows and pointed a finger gun at Dean. “Ask the Princess.”

“Princess has spoken, loosen the suit Cas. We’re playin’ pool.” Dean waked over and ruffled his hair. “Ah... better. C’mon.” He waved an arm and walked towards the room he decided to call his Batcave. _Hope he likes whiskey._

__

Cas hung back a moment and Dean could hear hushed, heated words between him and Cole, then Cas joined him stiffly in the Batcave. “I’ve been relieved of duty for the night. That’s... never happened. He took my gun.”

“Ha!” Dean slid over the glass of amber liquid with a smirk. “Drink up, baby.” _Oops, didn’t mean to call him that._ He cleared his throat and held up his glass. “Cheers.”

The guy looked flustered as hell but picked up the glass, staring at the contents. “I don’t understand why this is happening, but fine. God only knows I could use about twelve of these.” He hesitated a moment longer and then knocked it back in one go, swallowing as easy as if it was water and not 90 year old whiskey.

“Well, fuck.” Dean shot his back too, because this asshat was _not_ about to show him up. “One down, eleven to go.” He poured them new drinks. “Alright, you know how to play pool, right?”

Cas wrinkled his nose at the question. “Of course I do.” He picked up the glass again and looked like he was strugglin’ with himself, then took a sip like a friggin normal person.

“Alright. I win, I get to see those tattoos. Let’s do it!” Dean rubbed his hands together. _No one beats Dean Winchester at pool._

He held up a hand as he walked over. “Fine, but if I win, you have to go an entire week without making my job more difficult than it already is.”

“A week? Come on... I’m asking for like a few minutes of eye fucking...” _Not gonna back down though._ “Fine, go put your tongue ring in. Don’t want the hole to close, remember?”

Cas opened his mouth to argue and then shut it quickly, clenching his jaw. “It’s in my pocket. We’ll add that to your end of the bet. If you win, I’ll put it in and show you my tattoos.”

“You’re on.” Dean walked over and held out his hand. “Shake on it, Betty. No backin’ out.”

They shook hands, and _damn_ Cas’ grip was firm. “I don’t back down from anything, Dean.”

“Right back at ya.” Dean walked over and grabbed the sticks and chalk. “My name is Dean Winchester, and I’m gonna kick your ass.” He walked back towards Cas smugly and handed him his cue. “I’ll rack ‘em for us.”

Cas nodded, not looking threatened by it at all. He took his stick from Dean and eyed the tip of it. “We’ll see. I haven’t played in a few years, but I used to be quite good.” 

“Was that about the time you decided to shove the whole cue up your ass?” Dean teased and bent over to line up. _Seein’ these tattoos if it’s the last thing I do._ So what, maybe he stuck his ass out further than necessary, but he wasn’t playing nice this first round.

Neither, apparently, was his bodyguard. Cas walked up behind him and lightly grazed his ass, continuing around to the other side of the table. “I’m a top, Dean. I assure you, there’s nothing up my ass.” 

Dean’s grin was infectious. “S’okay, Betty. I can go easy on you if ya want.” He lined up and shot another inside. “Or...” He sunk another. “We can just skip this and get to those tattoos.” He swallowed down his drink and lined up again, unfortunately missing this one. “Shit.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Dean.” Cas smirked and finished what he started with that first solid ball, grinning to himself and glancing back at him. “Maybe I just needed to warm up?” He looked back at the table again and paced around it, dragging the stick as he searched for a decent angle. His face got progressively more bitchy when he realized he didn’t have a good one and ended up wasting the shot.

“Warm up, huh... want me to turn on the fireplace for you?” He bit his lip and sunk another shot, but missed the second.

Cas glanced around. “I don’t see a f—“ He trailed off, blushing and clearing his throat. “No, that won’t be necessary, Dean.” He walked closer, squeezing himself between Dean and the table. “Do you mind? I need to turn around. You’re a little... _close.”_

Dean took his time moving, giving him the smallest amount of space possible. “What’s wrong with close? You need the warmth, remember?” He winked and finally backed off.

“There’s nothing wrong with close, unless you’d rather not take a cue stick to the balls.” Cas raised and turned, leaning his powerful body over the side and yet again, failing miserably. He dropped his forehead to his arm and groaned, standing back up. “I see now why you wanted me to drink, this is a disaster.” He walked over to the bar and poured himself a third. “But this is the last one, I still don’t entirely trust Cole.”

“He beat up that chick just fine.” Dean shot and missed. “Damnit.” He walked over for another drink. “Three drinks? You a lightweight, Cas?”

Cas didn’t answer until he was done with his turn, which ended pretty fast after one successful shot. “I’m not a lightweight, but alcohol has rarely done me any favors.”

“I definitely understand that.” Dean walked over and sunk another, then missed. “What happened to Arthur?”

The mention of Arthur brought something dark to Cas’ eyes and he gallic shrugged, pinched his tongue between his teeth and bent down. He didn’t miss, that time or the next time. “My life happened, Dean. Arthur and I... it wasn’t ever as serious as it should have been, at least not on my part.” Cas missed the next one and swore under his breath, standing up looking grumpy.

Dean paid close attention to Cas’ body language and could tell he cared for Ketch, just not enough. Which was fine for him. He sunk the next two with ease and lined up with the 8 ball. “Thinkin’ bout callin’ it quits with Jask too.” He stood up straight, not ending the game just yet.

Cas stared at that little black ball for a moment and stepped closer to Dean. “Oh? Why’s that?”

“Turns out… I have a crush on my bodyguard.” He lined up for the shot, smirking at the dumbfounded look on Cas’ face. “Corner pocket.” Dean blew Cas a kiss and kept eye contact as he shot it perfectly in. He stood and tossed the stick on the pool table, the four drinks giving him just the right amount of courage to step into Cas’ space and start pulling at his tie. “I win.”

Cas seemed to catch his bearings and reached up, wrapping his giant hand around Dean’s wrist. “Turn around. You want the full picture, you’ll get the full picture.”

He hesitated but listened, turning to lean against the pool table with a grin. “Fine, don’t forget the tongue ring.”

After way too damn long, Cas cleared his throat. “Fine, you can look.”

When Dean turned around again, Cas was wearing nothing but a friggin pair of boxers and his entire damn upper body was covered in tats. His hair was messy from stripping so fast, and the ball on his tongue ring was tucked between his teeth as the fucker smirked. 

_Well, fuck me runnin’._ Dean was speechless as he approached Cas and reached out, running a finger down his toned, tatted chest. He nodded, knowing he probably looked like an idiot but he was too far gone to care.

Cas turned slowly, letting Dean’s hand trail across his skin. The goosebumps under Dean’s fingertips were just a bonus. “Well? Are you satisfied?”

He looked up to lock eyes with Cas, his tongue slowly sliding across his bottom lip and he was suddenly happy he prepped himself an hour ago. He had planned on jacking off after this pool game, but now he was hoping to have his bodyguard up his ass instead. 

Dean looked down and nodded at the giant bulge in his pajama pants. “Do I look satisfied?”

“No, not yet, anyway.” Cas ran his hands down Dean’s body and pulled him closer, staring down at the spaces where they were joined. His voice was way goddamn lower than necessary. “Tell me you want this, Dean. Tell me you want me.”

Dean nodded enthusiastically. “Fuck yeah, Cas. Wanted you for a while. Do... do you?” _Fuck... please say yes, I’ll bend over right fucking now._

“I have to say, I’m a little disappointed that the sight of me didn’t send you to your knees like you said it would, but yes...” Cas brought his hand up to Dean’s chin and guided him closer, until their lips were so damn close Dean couldn’t see them anymore. “I do.” He closed the distance, kissing Dean and wrapping his other hand around his back.

Dean dove in hungrily, his hands running up into Cas’ already fucked hair. He could feel how much Cas wanted this too, and he was fucking _packin’._ Dean pulled away from the kiss and rutted into him. “Give it to me, I’ll drop to my knees right now.”

Cas’ pupils were so blown he looked like a demon as he nodded, taking a half step back to give Dean room. He toyed with the waistband of his own boxers and flicked his tongue ring over his teeth. “I’m waiting.”

“Fuck.” Dean whispered and kneeled before him, reaching up and gripping Cas’ boxers, his mouth watering with need. _Finally gonna fucking see his dick!_ He pulled it out and the sight made his own cock twitch. “Been holdin’ out on me, Cas.” Dean slid him inside his mouth with a groan, showing Cas his skills and dripping at the sound of Cas’ moan.

It didn’t take long for Cas’ fingers to tightly grip his hair and he thrust into Dean’s mouth, leaking precome in the back of his throat. “This escalated… quickly.” He tipped his head back and a shudder ran through his body as he started face-fucking Dean, then pulled out abruptly, gripping the base of his cock and staring down at Dean. “Get up.” His voice was ragged, needy, even. “I need to feel you, I need to _know.”_

Dean chuckled and stood, wiping some spit off his chin and then slid his thumbs into his waistband. “Don’t you wanna see it first?” He bit his lip and pulled the front down teasingly, deeply hoping Cas would take control.

Cas pulled him in by the front of his shirt and licked into his mouth like he was chasing the taste of himself. He stopped the kiss, running his other hand down Dean’s body and shoving Dean’s pants down without breaking eye contact. “Honestly? I think you’ve teased me enough over the last four years.”

“Maybe, but that’s funny if you think it’s gonna stop now.” Dean reached down and gripped his length, sliding his hand up and down. “Gonna help me out here, Cas? I’m already prepped for you.” Dean kept eye contact, because he truly didn’t think he could look away.

The next thing Dean knew, his chest was flat against the pool table at Cas was toying with the plug. He sucked in a breath and shoved it in deeper, splaying his fingers between Dean’s shoulder blades to hold him there. “You were awfully confident I’d fuck you then, hm?”

Dean grunted and tried to push back but couldn’t. “Call it... hopefulness?” Maybe it was just to use a dildo, but this was much better.

“I don’t suppose you also thought to bring lube in here, did you?” He let go of the plug and rubbed his palm over Dean’s exposed ass, moaning quietly and gently smacking upward so Dean’s cheek bounced.

“Already some in here, by the bar, next to the condoms. Do that one more time.” He bit his lip and pushed back, searching for Cas’ hand.

He did. A little harder this time, chuckling under his breath. The hand pinning him down moved as Cas walked his naked ass over to the bar and started searching for the lube, eventually finding it and a condom. He stared at the bottle for a moment and took a deep breath, reaching down to palm himself with his other hand. “We... shouldn’t do this. I’m your bodyguard, Dean... your employee.”

“Fuck that, no one has to know.” Dean stood up straighter, feeling some self-doubt. “Unless... you don’t actually want this, too?”

Cas walked back over, eyes glued to Dean’s crotch, and grabbed Dean’s hand. He wrapped it around his own rock hard length and tilted his head . “Does it feel like I don’t want it? The whole reason I didn’t take Jaskier up on his offer... was because he isn’t you.”

Dean dove back in and kissed Cas hungrily, showing him how much he wanted — _needed_ this too. “I’m right here, Cas.” He rutted against him harder.

The moment Cas stopped fighting his dumbass professionalism and gave into what they both wanted was clear as day. He growled low, spinning Dean around and once again bending him over the side of the pool table. “I liked you here, and don’t remember giving you permission to move.” His heel nudged Dean’s legs apart and he pressed his hips forward, holding Dean there as he grappled with the lube. “The least you could do is behave... for once.”

“C’mon, Cas. Thought you knew what you were gettin’ into. You remember what I said I wanted?” He tried to turn and peek at Cas’ face but his grip was sound.

The plug shifted and was pulled out, and Cas dipped two lubed fingers inside of him just to test out the stretch. “Of course I do, Dean. You want someone that loves you that will fuck you like they don’t.”

“Pretty much.” He grunted as Cas moved his fingers. They were thicker than Jask’s and already felt so damn right. “C’mon, I’m open.” Dean squirmed under Cas impatiently.

Cas smacked his ass again then rubbed the skin, kicking Dean’s feet a little further apart. “I want to enjoy this, stop rushing me. I’ve waited a long time to have you bent over in front of me.” He shoved a third finger in and then moaned low, pulling back to put on the condom. “Last chance to tell me to stop, Dean.”

“Hell no. Keep goin’, Cas, I’m leaking here.” _Not begging, just... informing._

The awkward squelching sound of someone jacking off with lube and a condom distracted him for half a second, till Cas’ hand was wrapped around his dick and stroking in time. “Mm, you _are_ wet for me, aren’t you.” 

Dean felt the tip of Cas’ cock pressing against his hole and groaned, tossing his head back in pleasure. “Yeah, for you.” Cas pushed in, inch by agonizing inch, until he was finally bottomed out. Dean felt fuller than he had in a very long time, and chuckled at the fact that he had no damn clue his bodyguard had such a huge cock. “All for you, Cas. Keep goin’.”

**Castiel**

Cas heard Dean tell him to keep going, he did, he _heard_ it… but he couldn’t move. Dean was so tight around him that Cas’ entire world narrowed to that single spot where the most perfect ass in America was squeezing his cock. A violent shudder wracked through him and he brought his arms back, curling his fingertips into Dean’s hips. “Shit.” _Dean. I’m inside of Dean. I’m fucking_ **_Dean._ **

He’d wanted it for so long and now that he was finally doing it, he had to force himself to stay in the moment and keep his head above water. Cas slid out slowly, growling at the way Dean’s ass tried to pull him back in, and then snapped forward, grunting with the effort it took to control himself. 

“Ah fuck, Cas. So fucking full! My ass doesn’t wanna let you go.” Dean braced himself against the pool table.

That was an understatement, but it was good to hear Dean admitting it. He slid his hands up and down Dean’s sides as he finally started moving, finding a rhythm that kept him buried deep. “Touch yourself, Dean. Show me how good it feels.”

Dean instantly started stroking himself, trying to find a rhythm with Cas’ thrusts. “So good... knew you could fuck me good, Cas.”

 _You have no idea how poised I am to give you what you’ve been asking for._ Cas picked him up off the table until their bodies were flush, and trailed a line of wet kisses across the back of Dean’s shoulder as he fucked him harder, bringing one hand up to his neck and gently squeezing the sides. “You’re beautiful, Dean. All of you.”

Dean huffed a laugh and continued to stroke himself. “You think so? Felt like you couldn’t stand to look at me sometimes.”

Cas squeezed the sides of his throat harder, slowing his thrusts and flicking the ball of his tongue ring over Dean’s earlobe. “Because I was trying not to do exactly this.” He dropped his hands and bent Dean over again, barreling into him and digging his fingertips into Dean’s sides hard enough to bruise.

“Shit!” Dean grunted, “close... Cas... gonna co—“ He tensed, using the small amount of wiggle room to push back as he emptied into his fist.

It was a miracle Cas didn’t explode right then from the way Dean’s ass tightened around him, pulsing and squeezing until Cas was forced to slow down. Not one part of him was ready for this to be over, so he rubbed Dean’s side and kept going. “Did that feel good?” He leaned down, kissing Dean’s shoulder as he pressed himself deeper.

“Mmhmm.” Dean nodded lazily, his body was completely pliant to Cas’ thrusts. “So good, Cas.”

Cas’ eyes fluttered closed and be forced them open again, not wanting to miss a second of how Dean looked like that. “Shh, I know, Dean. I know.” He shifted his angle and fixed the condom, dragging his cock slowly in and out until Dean twitched and Cas knew he hit his mark. “Think you can get hard for me again? I want to taste you.”

“Fuck yeah, r—right there.”

He reached his hand under Dean’s limp body and brushed his thumb over Dean’s wet, spent cock. Heat and pleasure were coursing through Cas’ veins and he knew it wouldn’t take much to tip him over, but he had a plan. He bottomed out, holding there as he leaned down to kiss over Dean’s back and started stroking him slowly. “You feel incredible, even better than I expected.”

He hummed, fucking into Cas’ hand for more friction and pushing back into him. “Back at you.”

Cas chuckled, pleased when he felt Dean’s cock starting to respond. “You might not’ve begged, but you’re still a good boy, aren’t you?” He let go, his nerves alive with need as he finally, _finally_ started chasing his own release.

Dean growled a laugh and planted himself firmly, letting Cas fuck into him relentlessly until Cas tipped over the edge, bodily slamming into him as he filled up that condom. Every part of him wished it wasn’t there, blocking him from truly _feeling_ Dean, but he couldn’t pretend he didn’t understand. 

Leaving that tight, warm space was a nightmare, but he did it, tying off the condom and walking behind the bar to throw it away and give Dean a second to breathe. 

Dean turned around and leaned back against the pool table, holding himself upright with his hands on his sides. “Damn, Cas... awesome.”

“Mmhm, and I’m not done with you yet.” He made his way back over, shamelessly checking out every inch of Dean’s flushed, freckled skin. He squatted in front of him and kissed his thighs in turn, flicking his eyes up to look at his expression.

“That so?” Dean spread his legs more, his bottom lip between his teeth. “Wanna know how I taste, Cas?”

He didn’t dignify that with a response other than taking what he wanted. Cas lifted Dean’s cock and licked a line up the underside of his shaft, tracing the vein with the ball of his tongue ring.

“Holy fuu— Cas... that tongue ring. I c— I can feel it.” Dean shuddered, his knees nearly giving out.

Cas bit his thigh and returned to his prize, breathing over the length of it and just barely ghosting over it with the ball. “That’s the point.” He wrapped his mouth around the head and flicked his tongue, closing his eyes at the taste.

Dean groaned and moved his hips, gripping the wood harder as Cas opened his throat and took Dean all the way. It wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be, Dean was _thick,_ but he loved the way his lips stretched to fit him all. He bobbed, pressing his nose against Dean’s pelvis and pulling off to breathe. _You teased me, let’s see how you like it._ Cas gripped him, squeezing and stroking, licking the precome off Dean’s leaking tip. 

“Fuck... Cas... you’re a tease.” Dean pushed his hips forward, “suck me.”

He raised his eyebrow, ceasing all movement and lowering his voice. “I’m sorry, what was that? I don’t think I heard you correctly.” 

“C’mon... suck me, baby. Gimme that mouth.” He licked his lips slowly, “umm, please?”

One day, Cas would make it a point to tease and fuck the brat out of Dean. That day wasn’t today. He took the ‘please’ and ran with it, knowing damn well that was the first time he’d ever heard it uttered from Dean’s mouth. And it was for _him._ He dove in, sucking greedily like his only mission wasn’t to keep Dean safe — but to make him come so hard his legs gave out. 

Dean gripped his hair with his left hand but let Cas have control of the pace. “Ca... comin’!!” His bowed legs bent as he thrusted in further, coming hard into Cas’ mouth.

It was easily the best thing he ever tasted, simply because it was Dean. Cas swallowed it all and leaned back, suctioning around him to drag every last drop out and make sure Dean felt that ring one last time, then stood up and licked the corner of his lip. “Twice... not bad.”

“Goddamn, Cas... haven’t came twice in years. That was great. C’mere.” Dean pulled him in and kissed him, and that surprised him more than anything else they’d done. 

Cas moaned quietly and ended the kiss as gently as he could in an attempt to protect himself, knowing this was just a hookup for Dean. It needed to be over. That didn’t stop him from holding Dean close and planting one last kiss to his jaw. “Did I... loosen the suit enough for you?”

Dean chuckled, “yeah... you did. Surprised me a lot tonight, Cas. I like this side of you.”

The softness on Cas’ face absolutely negated the toughness of his words. “Don’t get used to it, I doubt Cole and the others will do this very often.”

“I think you forgot I’m the boss here.” Dean licked his lips and moved away to grab his clothes. “Want another drink?”

Cas shook his head, he didn’t want anything clouding the memory of this. He pulled on his slacks but left his shirt off, walking over to get a water. “I appreciate it, but no.” He watched Dean, fighting the urge to try and hold him. “I really need to get better at pool, though.”

“Welcome to practice here anytime. I won’t be able to play without poppin’ a boner now though. Thanks.” Dean grinned and shot back another drink before shrugging on his shirt.

He couldn’t bring himself to be sorry, he returned the smile and took a sip of his water. “Now you know how I’ve felt for nearly five years, Dean.”

“You wanted to fuck me the whole time? I thought I got on your nerves.” Dean walked back over with his cheeks flushed and messy hair sticking in every direction.

Cas nodded seriously, despite the flips his stomach was doing as Dean got closer. “Yes. Those two are not mutually exclusive. You drive me up the wall, and yet...” He raised one shoulder, stopping himself from gushing about love instead of lust.

“You ever jack off thinkin’ of me?” He bit back a grin, stopping right in front of Cas. “I think about you sometimes.”

 _Every single time._ The knowledge that Dean thought of him too made him squirm, but he didn’t show it. Part of him knew this conversation was dangerous but he couldn’t bring himself to lie to Dean about anything. “I have, yes.”

“Every time you protected me, I was jacking off in the shower of that hotel, imagining you pinnin’ me down a—” He stopped suddenly, like he just realized what he was saying. “Never mind.” He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Cas reached out and brushed his thumb over Dean’s jaw. He wanted to know what he was going to say, but didn’t want to push him. “Did I at least give you what you wanted?”

He met Cas’ eyes, his facial expression not giving much away. “Yeah...” Dean cleared his throat and took a step back. “Hope I did your fantasies justice. You definitely did mine.”

“I guess that depends on what happens next, honestly.” Cas’ chest tightened with apprehension, but before he could get an answer, Cole walked in.

“Hey, wh—“ Cole looked between Cas’ half naked body and Dean’s disheveled hair and his eyes widened, then he gallic shrugged. “Huh. So that’s why you threw such a fit about it, huh?”

“Yup.” Dean grinned and walked away. “Night, Cas.” He winked and left the room.

Cas sighed, turning back to Cole. “It’s not like that. And it’s also none of your business, I’m still fully capable of doing my job.” He turned on his heel to follow Dean, but he was already gone.

~~~~

He didn’t see Dean the rest of the night, and the following morning was… tense. Cas wasn’t sure if he was back on duty yet or not, but his gun was sitting on the table so he holstered it, relaxing at its comforting weight. He made his way into the kitchen after and saw Dean sitting at the table. “Good morning. Did you sleep okay?” _Without me, that is._

“Like a baby. You?” Dean glanced up and set his spoon down and pushed the bowl away.

 _Definitely not that good, but, still better than normal._ “Fine.” He studied the cabinets, the floor, the patterns in the table... anything to distract himself as he wondered whether or not to bring it up. “Has Cole checked in?”

“He left like five minutes ago. Benny is comin’ in a bit I think... you’d know better than me.” Dean looked like he might be having the same internal struggle as Cas before he shrugged and looked down at his phone.

Cas frowned deeply, making a mental note to kick Cole’s ass for not telling him he was leaving. But the reminder of Cole opened up another slew of concerns. _Is he going to tell the others, or Sonny? Will they care? I can get fired for this, and then who will protect Dean?_ Cas turned his back for a moment, making a show of looking out the window to hide his crumpling expression. He couldn’t believe a mere three drinks clouded his judgement that much — but if he was being honest with himself, they hadn’t. Dean finally _seeing_ him, Dean’s hands on his body, Dean’s scent in his nose... _those_ things clouded his judgement. But even fearing for his job, he didn’t regret it for a moment. 

An annoying, loud ringtone went off from somewhere behind him and Cas recognized it as Jask’s immediately. He smiled to himself before turning and steeling his features into something less smug as Dean answered.

“You’ve reached Dean Winchester... don’t... beeep.” He started laughing loudly at something the idiot probably said. “Nah...” Cas hated that he could only hear one side of this god forsaken conversation. “Yeah actually... I was going to ask you to come by.”

 _Of course you were._ Cas walked into the living room to be out of sight, but not out of earshot. He reminded himself that Dean had mentioned leaving Jask and didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but that didn’t sound good, and Dean had wanted nothing to do with him after they’d had sex. It didn’t bode well. 

“Yeah, Saturday works.” Dean chuckled. “During the day, this isn’t a booty call. Havoc misses you, that’s all.” He laughed again. “Alright then, see you Saturday evening, asshat.”

 _Evening._ The word echoed cruelly in his head, and he wished he would’ve been smart enough not to eavesdrop. What started out as promising ended up sounding like Jask had convinced him to _make_ it a booty call with just a couple of words, but he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

At the end of the day, Dean had been just as willing to fuck a perfect stranger… Cas had been a fool to think he’d be different. 


	8. Before You Accuse Me

**Dean**

Dean was a little nervous to break things off with Jask. Breaking up with anyone was hard, but breaking up with someone in the public eye could be ugly. He hoped he knew Jask enough and didn’t have to worry he would be outed for it, but it was always a risk. 

He wanted to do it in person, Dean wasn’t an asshole. But he knew he could never go back.

Unfortunately, Cas’ mood was even worse than before. He had hoped the release would help him unwind, not make him more uptight. 

After an hour of Cas moping around, Dean couldn’t take it anymore. “What’s goin’ on, Cas?”

Cas rubbed his jaw and bent his knee to brace his foot on the wall. “I realize this is short notice, and also out of character, but is there any chance you’ll let me have the night off?”

“What?” _Come again?_ Cas never asked for time off. Ever. The time he had taken off was forced. “Why?”

A heartbeat of silence followed as Cas stared at the ground. “I’m... going to see Arthur.”

 _Fucking... wow. And I was about to call shit off with J._ Dean stood up straighter. “Yeah, sure. Course.” _The fuck would I care?!_

Cas blinked, but it was the closest to a flinch Dean had ever seen from him. “Right. I’ll make the arrangements. Do you have a preference who takes my place?”

“Nope!” _Don’t give a shit about shit._ “Have fun, Cas.” Dean stormed out of the room, practically slamming his room door.

Twenty minutes later he could hear Cas talking to Benny, then the front door shut nearly as hard as his bedroom door had. Benny knocked twice. “Dean?”

“Yeah?” He walked over and opened his door, hoping he could hide his mood. “What’s the word, Benny?”

His bodyguard eyed him and turned his face back toward the front door. “Wasn’t any good, huh? Shame, usually it’s the uptight ones that are the freaks.” Benny shrugged. “You good? I’m a little off my game from the short notice and your damn handler didn’t answer. What’s your schedule today?”

 _So he knows too... and no, the problem was it was_ **_too_ ** _good._ “Dunno what you mean. Today is a free day.”

“Alright then, brother. Carry on, didn’t mean to disturb you.” Benny nodded to him and walked back out in the living room just as Jask texted to confirm he was on his way over. 

Dean had a moment where he almost called it all off. He could just get fucked and forget about Cas for a bit. But he also knew that wasn’t possible. He paced his room until he heard Havoc go crazy when Jask walked in the house. _This is it. There is no goin’ back, Dean._

Jask grinned widely as he opened Dean’s bedroom door with Havoc under his arm. “If you missed me half as much as this little guy did, I’m gonna regret not getting here sooner. That photoshoot could’ve waited.”

Dean chuckled, scratching the back of his head. “Nah... don’t call off work. H—how was your day?” _Goddammit Dean. Stop stallin’!_

Jask set Havoc down and flopped down on the bed, patting the space next to him. “I’m wearing makeup, how do you _think_ it was.”

 _Motherfucker is gonna make me say it._ “J. Can you listen for five seconds?”

Jask sighed, laying back and looking at the ceiling. “You honest to fuck made me come all the way over here, sneaking around, avoiding the fucking ‘ratzi… just to dump me?”

“Yes. But that makes me sound like an asshole. I thought it was supposed to be an in-face conversation.”

He rolled over, letting Havoc jump on his back. “You are an asshole. We weren’t in a relationship, D. You coulda just texted me and said, ‘oh hey, my bodyguard finally told me he’s dumbass in love with me.’” He opened one eye and squinted at Dean. “That’s what this is about, right? Cas?”

Dean frowned and walked closer. “No. But why did you try to fuck him? Of all people? And then you lied about it. You went out of your way to lie about it.”

Jask gallic shrugged and closed his eyes again. “He’s hot as hell, D. Even you gotta admit that. I dunno why I lied, honestly. Butthurt he said no, maybe? I’m not exactly used to getting turned down.”

“Yeah, I know. But you deserve better than a secret. You’re... out. Free. I’m not. Go live your life.” He sat on the bed, facing away from Jask. “Do you hate me?”

He chuckled bitterly, propping himself up on his elbows. “You’re dumping me cause you’re assuming I don’t wanna deal with you being in the closet anymore? Shit, D. That’s... No. I don’t take your breakup, try again later.”

“No, that isn’t the only reason. I meant that, but that isn’t the reason. I...” _Wanna be with my bodyguard._ “I just wanna be alone. Is that too much to ask for? I have a lot of shit goin’ on. And you can say we weren’t dating all day, but fuck you, we were. Maybe not exclusively, but we were. You have a damn key, J.”

The muscles in Jask’s arms flexed as he righted himself and looked at Dean with sad eyes. “Guess you’ll want that back, huh?”

“Yeah... I still wanna be friends though. I mean... Havoc kinda likes you.” Now he just felt like an asshole. “M’sorry.”

Jask nodded a little and pet Havoc, scratching behind his ears. “Yeah, for sure. Whatever you need, D. Whole world is your oyster and we’re just livin’ in it, right?” He smiled sadly and spread his legs, resting his elbows on them. “Any chance you wanna fuck one last time before you cut me off? I’m gonna miss how cute you look after.”

Dean blushed and chewed his lip. “I don’t see why not.” And he didn’t. Cas was over there fucking that aardvark right now. “Still wanna fuck me after I ‘dumped’ you?”

“D, you could hit me with your _car_ and I’d still wanna fuck you. Get over here.”

That sounded nice. Being wanted, no matter what and without question. Did Cas even want him? _Really_ want him? Probably not. He shook those thoughts away and walked over. “I am actually gonna miss you. Like... a little tiny bit.” He brought up his thumb and index finger to jokingly show how little he would miss him.

“That’s good enough for me.”

~~~~

Saying goodbye was actually a little sad. Dean felt bad when Havoc followed Jask to the door like he was going with him. As he watched him walk away, he feared he’d just given up something good. They had an arrangement that worked, and he was throwing it away for what? A bodyguard that looks at him like he’s an annoying child? Who wanted to fuck him, just to say he’s fucked Dean Winchester? Even as he thought these things, he knew they couldn’t be true. He overheard Benny on the phone with Cas and walked closer to listen.

“All I’m sayin’, brotha, is that you coulda warned me you were bailing so you didn’t have to listen to them screw each other’s brains out. Coulda done without it myself.” Benny paused and then heaved a sigh worthy of a man Benny’s size. “No, Morningstar left, it’s safe for you to come back.” Silence. “Whatever you say, brotha. See you in the mañana then.” 

Benny turned, seeing Dean just standing there. “You stepped in it this time, cher. That’s your best guard you pissed off.” He waved his phone in the air and then slid it back in his pocket.

“Why’d you tell him that? I was gonna tell him, asshat!” Dean walked over to the fridge to find food. “Fuck... What did he say?”

The big guy clicked his tongue. “You done pissed in his Wheaties the second you invited that hippie back over here in the first place. He knew what was happening, I didn’t technically tell him shit.” Benny silenced an alert on his watch. “What do you care, anyhow? Sounds like you had a damn good time in there.”

“That was... a goodbye fuck. Got my key back and parted ways. Goodbye sex is a thing, right?” Dean pulled out a tub of Ben and Jerry's and started eating straight from it.

Benny let out a sound more like a rumble than a laugh. “Sure is, cher. You alright?” 

“No. Need a drink... a few drinks. Wanna go to a party?”

The look on Benny’s face said no, but he nodded anyway. “You’re the boss, boss. I go where you go.”

“Alright, Ima go get dressed.” Dean put the ice cream away and ran to go shower. 

An hour later — because he’s a princess — Dean was walking out, ready to go. “Let’s get this road on the show, Benny—o. Jo’s meetin’ us there, and I’m getting fucked up tonight. Slap me if I say some gay shit.” He walked out to the car, ready for a distraction.

Benny didn’t protest on the drive over there, or when they got out and Dean was immediately swarmed by all the fake ass celebrities he made nice with in public. 

Thankfully, Jo spotted him pretty quickly and came running over, throwing her arms over his shoulders and hugging him. “It’s about time.”

“People askin’ questions? Gimme a peck so they shut the fuck up.” He whispered while kissing her ear. They kissed nearly every day on set, this was no different. They interlocked their fingers and made their way inside. “And there’s the bar. Can I get you a drink, darlin’?”

Jo nodded quickly, hanging onto his arm and walking with him. “Yeah, now I remember why we don’t come to these things.” She smiled and waved at some of the people walking past her as Dean poured the drinks, then drained hers quickly while tapping rapidly on the bar. “Shit!” She shuddered, setting the glass back down. “Gimme another one. Speaking of which... are you gonna fill me in as to _why_ we’re here?”

Dean shot back his drink, holding up his finger. “Yeah, definitely have a story or two for you, but let’s have four more of these first.” He started on his second.

She was right behind him, matching him drink for drink until the world got a little easier to stomach. People could say a lot of things about Jo, but the girl knew how to hold her liquor. “Okay, spill.”

Dean made them both a fresh drink and took her hand to lead her outside. Once the coast was clear, they cuddled close and he took a deep breath. “I fucked my bodyguard and then broke things off with J. And I don't understand why I felt the need to do that, Cas doesn’t want... all that comes with me.”

Her eyes widened and she playfully smacked his arm. “Shut _up,_ you and Castiel? I knew there was tension there, but I never thought it would actually _happen._ Tell me everything.”

“I didn’t think it would either. He’s never even reciprocated any type of flirting before. But he’s... different. He cares for me, the real me. But why did he go to his fuck buddy? And why are his eyes so fucking blue?” Benny was close enough to listen, but Dean didn’t care.

Jo studied him for a long moment and paused to wave to someone else, then muttered under her breath with a strained smile, “we should’ve just gotten drunk at your house.” 

The girl she’d been greeting came over, hugging them both and making small talk for way too damn long. When she finally walked away, Jo pulled Dean further into the shadows. “Sounds like you should be asking _him,_ not me. Does he know about you and Jaskier?”

“No. He said he was goin’ to see that Arthur guy and I didn’t tell him. I felt stupid. I broke up with someone I wasn’t technically with, because I let Cas fuck me against my pool table.” He took another long drink. “Then I let J fuck me because I pictured Cas with someone else, and I just feel...” Dean polished off yet another drink and sighed, not quite sure how to finish that sentence. “You gonna drink that?” He grabbed her cup and chugged it.

“Dean...” Jo reached out to touch his arm. “I know this is scary for you, but you know Cas is different. You know he treats you like a _human,_ not a celebrity. He’d die for you, kill for you... I’ve never seen a bodyguard more dedicated. Did you do anything that might’ve tipped him off that you were going to see Jask again? There had to have been a reason”.

Dean shrugged, thinking back to that day, but now it was just fuzzy. “Maybe he listened to me on the phone? I told J it wasn’t a booty call. You want another drink? Ima be right back.”

He turned before she could answer and made his way to the bar. _Talk to Cas... Sure, if the asshat ever spoke more than three words at a time._ Dean made their drinks and got stopped multiple times on his way back. One girl outwardly flirted with him knowing Jo was outside, and it made him laugh. Jo could kick her ass if she actually cared. He made his way back with overflowing cups. “Bottoms up, _fiancé.”_

She toasted and drank, then leaned up to kiss his cheek a second before a photographer snapped a picture. As if it wasn’t bad enough they were at these parties to begin with. “I’m sorry, Dean. Do you think it’s going to be awkward with you guys now?”

“Yeah. Probably. It was the past couple days. I think he regrets me.” Dean drank, trying not to think about Cas anymore. “Whatever, what did I expect? Who would really want me, Jo? People wanna fuck me, but they don’t want my baggage.”

Jo hugged him tightly and kissed his jaw, whether she meant it or was just doing it for show, he didn’t know. “You know him better than I do. All I can say is I’m sorry, and I’ll take your baggage — right now, it matches mine.” She released him, smiling softly. 

“Cheers, and don’t play — drink that shit, girl.” Dean started chugging, waiting for her to catch up before tossing it back. “Man, remember when you turned 21?” He laughed loudly. “We got fucked _uuup._ Our managers were pissed. Let’s do it again.”

She looked skeptical for a moment but seemed to realize that was what he needed, and she’d never let him down before. 

An hour later, Jo was stumbling in her bare feet with her heels in her hand, laughing her ass off and pointing at people. Benny approached and put a hand on Dean’s back. “I think you two have had enough, we should go.”

“We gotta get her home first, big guy.” He helped her walk to the car — hardly balancing himself — and when the car was moving, he pulled out his phone, not caring anymore. “Remember, life’s a bitch, bitch.”

Cas answered on the third ring. “Dean? Are you okay?”

“Why are your eyes so blue?” He asked without thinking.

“Um… genetics, I suppose. Are you drunk? Where’s Ben?” 

“Where are you right now? Whydya need a day off to fuck an aardvark when you coulda just fucked me again? Or— or did you regret it?”

Silence stretched. “I’m at home. I didn’t go see Arthur, Dean. I lied, I haven’t spoken to him in months. I’m sorry. And no, I don’t regret it. How could you think that?”

“Why’d ya lie? I didn’t know we were the lyin’ kinda peoples.” Cas started talking but Dean spoke over him. “I broke up with Jask, ya know. Not for you, you obviously don’t want me now that you got what you wanted. But just… cause.”

Cas sucked in a breath and let it out slowly. “I didn’t get what I wanted, Dean. I did, I —” He huffed, sounding like he was trying to cut himself off. “It wasn’t like that. And I’m… not sorry to hear about Jaskier, but I am sorry if you’re hurting over it.”

Jo reached over and took Dean’s hand, squeezing gently and resting her head on his shoulder.

“I’m not. At all. It was just sex.” _More hurt that I wasn’t enough for you._ “Whatever man, you coming to work tomorrow? Or gonna lie again?”

“Dean, I said I was sorry. I needed a night off, it won’t happen again.” Cas hung on for a moment longer, and then the line went dead.

“Oh yeah, great. Fucker hung up on me!” He threw his phone against the seat. _What the fucking fuck... he actually hung up on me! Fuck that!_ Dean searched for his phone to call him again. “Asshat better answer, too!”

**Castiel**

Cas stared at the screen and curled up in a ball on his bed. He’d come back to Dean’s house — _their_ house — earlier to tell him the truth, but he’d already gone. And now, it seemed he was just making it worse. 

Against his better judgement, he answered again. “Hello, Dean.”

“Hello, Castiel. I think we lost the call or somethin’ cause I don’t think you’d ever hang up on me. Right?”

Most of him wanted to say no, but he wasn’t on the clock, and Dean was being an ass. “I did hang up you, actually. You’re drunk, Dean.”

“Sure you’re not your drunk?”

Cas blinked at the ceiling, trying to figure out what the hell that even meant. “You’re not even coherent, Dean. Do you need me to come get you? Where is Benny?”

“Benny is right here, drivin’. He didn’t tell me I needed to stop drinkin’ even once. Cause he knows how to have fun.”

 _Of course he didn’t, he doesn’t give a shit about you or your life._ “I’m sorry that your safety is more important to me than letting you get drunk.” Cas paused, taking a deep breath and trying to relax even though now, he was just pissed off. “Are you done making me feel like shit, Dean? Or should we add ‘verbal punching bag’ to my job description?”

“I’m not punchin’ you. I wouldn’t never punch you.” He paused a second. “You wanna fuck again?”

Every part of Cas wanted that and more, but it was the ‘more’ aspect that told him he needed to say no. “You’re not an object to me, Dean. If you wanted a fuck buddy, you should have stayed with Jaskier.”

“Don’t wanna fuck buddy. I wanna fuck-bodyguard. Can we go to Taco Bell, Ben?”

The slight change in verbiage didn’t change the truth. Dean wanted sex, and Cas was unreasonably in love with him — sex would never be enough. “Cole seemed interested when you offered, try him. Or maybe Benny.” He knew he was being petty, but his chest hurt. He was so close to everything he ever wanted, but that _everything_ only wanted half of the package. “Don’t eat Taco Bell, you’ll regret it in the morning. You always do.”

“Benny, would you fuck me?” Cas could hear his mumbling drawl through the phone. “Really? Not even just to say you did?” More mumbling. “Huh. Well see, Benny wouldn’t fuck me if I grew my hair out, and I don’t want Cole. I just want you. And I love Taco Bell, it will absorb the drunkness. It’s science.”

Cas had spent the last several years priding himself on the fact that he could be whatever Dean needed him to be. He just wasn’t sure he was prepared to add _fucktoy_ to the list. “I’m at our house, eat whatever you want. Just get here in one piece.” He hung up again, burying his face in the pillow and wondering why the hell he’d thought it was a good idea to start any of this.

Sleeping wasn’t an option, not with Dean _that_ drunk. He laid in bed and stared at the ceiling until he heard movement in the living room, his entire body on high alert until he heard the voices that confirmed it was just Dean and Benny. 

He settled down, closing his eyes, and finally relaxed a little now that Dean was safe… until his own bedroom door opened. 

Dean stumbled in, tripping over the door frame and knocking down something on his side table. “Shhh... gonna wake up Cas.” He pulled the covers off and climbed in bed, cuddling up to Cas and mumbling incoherent thoughts.

For a moment, Cas was afraid to move. The last thing he wanted to do was startle Dean, but he had to know that Dean ended up in the right room. “Dean?”

Silence. 

“Dean?”

Cas rolled toward him, wrapping his arm over Dean’s chest just to feel him breathing. It was clear he was fast asleep and wouldn’t be answering _any_ questions until morning, but Cas didn’t care. Whether it was on purpose or not, he was finally going to be able to hold Dean. 

Sleeping still wasn’t an option.

~~~~

He spent the entire night with Dean pressed close, and would’ve been content to stay there forever if it weren’t for a notification on his watch telling him that he needed to report to Sonny’s office. 

That didn’t bode well, but Cas knew better than to screw around when he was being summoned. He got up carefully, extricating himself from Dean and getting dressed as silently as he could.

When he made his way out into the living room, Benny was waiting for him with a stranger. Cas immediately distrusted him, he was tall with a long, sneering face and an aire about him that suggested he wasn’t to be trifled with. “Ben? Who is this, and why is he in my house?”

“This is Alistair. He’s the new hired hand, we gotta meeting.” Benny started walking towards the door but stopped when he noticed Cas wasn’t following. “Come on brotha, he’s an old friend of Sonny’s. Dean will be fine, he won’t wake up for hours anyway.”

Alistair stretched out his skeleton-looking hand, “Alistair. I’ve been doing this for twenty years, the boy will be fine.”

“He’s not a _boy,_ he’s a grown man.” Cas didn’t reach for the hand offered to him, instead, he glanced at Benny. “I’m not leaving Dean alone with a stranger, I don’t care who he says he is.”

“Yes. You are. This is mandatory brotha, and it’s actually all your fault. How often does Sonny call in the troops?” Cas’ face answered that question. _Almost never._ “Exactly. You can bitch about the new guy later, but if we don’t leave in the next thirty seconds, we’re gonna be late.” Benny walked over and grabbed his arm. “Don’t make this worse, Cas.”

Alistair remained quiet as he watched the scene with a smug face, and it took everything in Cas not to punch him just for standing there. 

His feet moved reluctantly, but he jerked his arm out of Benny’s grasp. “I’m coming.” _What did he mean it’s my fault?_

The ride over to Sonny’s office was tense and Benny refused to tell him anything else until they were inside. The moment they stepped in, Jody looked at Cas with sympathy and Cole looked like he was about to start laughing his ass off at any moment. Cas barely spared them a second glance; his concern was Sonny. He rounded on his boss and tried to level out his tone. “Sir. Why are we here? Why wasn’t Dean informed he’d be waking up to a stranger instead of someone he trusts?”

“Everyone sit down.” Sonny paused as everyone sat around the table. “This is a sticky situation, and I hate to do this… but Castiel, you have to be reassigned.” Cas stared as though Sonny was speaking another language. “It happens buddy, sometimes we get too close.”

The world slowed to a stop around him. He could vaguely hear Jody standing up for him, and Cole actually laughing now, but it sounded like he was underwater and the voices were coming from somewhere above him, somewhere where other people weren’t drowning. “This is a mistake. I’m capable of remaining professional, there is no one that will protect him like I will.”

“No... there isn’t. This is for the best. Things are really tense right now, Castiel. You need to take a step back. Ashton needs a night guard, he asked for you specifically because he knows how dedicated you are. He has a room for you there as well.” Sonny went on like he didn’t just crash and burn Cas’ entire life. “This means rotations, Cole and Benny will alternate nights with Dean, Jody and Alistair will take days. We have to sit and go over his upcoming schedule.”

 _I’m dedicated because I love him, Ashton is an asshole._ The order had Cas rooted to the spot, unable to defend himself or fight for his position with Dean, especially because he wasn’t sure whether or not Dean wanted to be fought for in the first place. But the thought of not living with him, either… “And was Dean consulted about this? Did he have a say in this whatsoever?”

Everyone got quiet and looked around the room. “Not yet.” Sonny pulled out his cellphone and checked his messages. “Alistair said he is still in bed. Looks like Havoc bit his pants.” He chuckled slightly. “Damned dog. To answer your question, Castiel… no, he has no say. He would never choose what is best for him. Have you seen the videos of him and Jo at that party last night? He doesn’t make good decisions. He will be informed when he comes in today. I will tell him myself.”

Cas clenched his jaw, knowing it would be fruitless to argue despite the way his very bones were screaming in protest. “And what of my things? I moved into Dean’s house. If I’m expected to move into Ashton’s... I’ll need my things, I can stop there and _I’ll_ tell him. The least any of you can do is let it come from me, you know he’ll take it better if it does.” _At least Ashton works on set with Dean, if I can convince him to take me with him… I can still protect Dean, too. Even if it’s only from a distance._

Jody spoke up. “We don’t think that is a good idea. Dean won’t see reason, especially after a night of binge drinking. Alistair is bringing him here in a few hours, that is when you should get your belongings.” She offered a weak smile. “Things just need to cool down, Castiel.”

Cas shook his head, looking at each of them in turn. “Nothing needs to cool down, I was — we were...” _I knew this would happen, and I did it anyway. I let my desires get the best of me and now Dean will be on his own._ He nodded once, turning toward the door. “Understood, Sir. Please keep me informed as things progress. I’ll get my things when it is deemed appropriate and report to Mr. Charles’ house immediately.”

~~~~

He was dropped off outside of Ashton’s by a driver with a sour expression that mirrored exactly how Cas felt internally. Ashton Charles was an egotistical showboat, and not in the ways that made Dean so endearing. He knocked three times and stood as straight as his slumping shoulders would allow as one of Ashton’s assistants opened the door. “Can I help you?”

 _Yes, you can tell me this was a mistake and that I can go back home where I belong._ “My name is Castiel Novak, I was transferred to Mr. Charles’ guard and I was told to start immediately.”

“Oh absolutely, come on in.” The man waved a hand and opened the door wider. “Ash told me you would be here soon, he’s in the game room. Right this way.”

Cas frowned at the man’s back, he wasn’t used to other celebrities allowing the ‘help’ to address them by nicknames. Dean had been an exception, but Ashton following suite actually made Cas feel a little better. _Maybe he won’t be as bad as I feared, even if he does keep a household of servants._

He checked out the house as they went and Cas couldn’t help but compare it to Dean’s. Ashton’s home was closed off and unwelcoming compared to Dean’s, with its glass walls and open floor plan that made everyone who set foot inside of it feel welcome. 

They stopped outside of the game room and the assistant took his leave. Once more, Cas braced himself and walked in. “Hello, Mr. Charles.”

“Pfft. Call me Ash.” He walked over for a sloppy handshake that would have given Jaskier a run for his money, and turned around. “I didn’t think Dean would ever give you up. I told Sonny years ago that if you ever got sick of that spoiled pretty boy that my door was always open. Thirsty?”

 _He didn’t give me up, and he’s much more than that._ ”No, thank you. I don’t eat or drink while I’m on duty. I’ll be fine, but I appreciate the offer, nonetheless.” Cas took a spot near the wall and folded his hand over his wrist in front of him, but even that felt wrong. That was the wrong game room, the wrong house, the wrong actor.

“Huh... knew you were the real deal. Well, you’re not on duty yet; I really needed a night guard. My character has a twin now, so the fans have been getting crazy. After Winchester’s house got broken into, I started searching. Just a matter of time before they find me.”

The protector in Cas responded to that and he glanced toward the door. “Am I your only night guard, or will I be alternating shifts with someone?”

“No, my other bodyguard is walking the perimeter, he’ll be in here soon, he’ll fill in for two nights. But it’s just you two. I only needed one for a while, still might have to search for a third.”

Cas nodded once, showing he understood. He had leeway with Dean that he wouldn’t have with Ashton, but that didn’t stop him from trying. “Will I be permitted to accompany you to the set? Perhaps on the days when your other guard is on the night shift?”

“Nah. They have guards there, you can take that time for yourself.” He sat on his couch and started playing some graphic first person shooter game. “Relax man, you’re off the clock, remember? You can sit or check out the rest of the house. Your room is the first room on the right.”

 _I won’t be relaxing until I find a way to get back to Dean, and you’re not helping._ Cas held his position a moment longer and then pushed off the wall, resigning himself to settling in. 

He cast his eyes toward the high, arched ceiling in the main hall and let out a breath. _I_ **_will_ ** _find my way back, Dean. I promise._


	9. Bad Moon Rising

**Dean**

Dean’s first thought when he woke up was _this is not my bed._ But then it hit him whose bed it was... _Cas._

He rolled over, feeling around for someone who wasn’t there. “Cas?” He sat up, rubbing his eyes and looking around the room. “Cas?” _Where the hell is he?_ Dean got up and walked towards the bedroom door. Havoc was there in seconds, jumping into his arms. “Hey, Hav, where’s Daddy Cas, hmm? Let’s go find him.” 

It was obvious Cas wasn’t there, and Dean walked towards the kitchen as he tried to remember the night's events. _Did I piss him off? Did he not want me in his bed? Did he— who the fuck is this creep?!_ “What the fuck are you?”

The guy looked bored and mildly irritated by Dean’s tone. “My name… is Alistair. I’m your new bodyguard.”

“Why didn’t anyone tell me?” 

“Sonny wants to see you in his office. He’ll explain everything.”

 _Fuck this._ Dean turned away and quickly dressed. _Why do I need a new bodyguard? And where the fuck is Cas?_ After a moment, he gave Havoc some food and nodded towards the door. “Let’s go.”

Alistair didn’t waste time, and he was a way crazier driver than Cas was. They pulled up to Sonny’s office way friggin quicker than they should have, and the douchebag got out, not bothering to open Dean’s door. 

Dean followed him and couldn’t help but ask, “why do I need a new bodyguard? Four isn’t enough anymore?”

Alistar glanced over with a smirk. “Four is the amount you need. Without me, there would only be three.” 

“Three?!” Dean asked. _Who_ _the fuck quit?_ “Cole finally piss Sonny off?” 

“No, Cole is still in your employ.” Alistair opened the door for Dean.

“Benny?!” _Oh shit!_ “Did Sonny get mad about the party? That wasn’t his fault, man.” Dean ran a hand through his hair.

Alistair shook his head. “No, Ben still works for you, too.” He stopped outside of Sonny’s office. “Would you like to take another guess or would you prefer to see for yourself?”

Dean frowned and pushed into the room, wondering why the hell Jody would ever quit. He walked in the office and looked around, noticing that only one person was missing. The only one that mattered. “Where is Cas?”

They exchanged nervous glances as Alistair stepped in behind him. Sonny stood from behind his desk and grit his teeth, gesturing toward the chair in front of it. “He’s been let go, Dean. You’ve already met his replacement, Alistair. I assure you, I’ve known him for a long time, and he won’t let anything happen to you. I’m sorry that Novak took advantage of you the way that he did. I had thought better of him. It won’t happen again.”

“Took— what?! He didn’t take advantage of me!” Dean walked closer. “No one, including you, has the right to fire him, he’s _my_ bodyguard!”

Sonny remained calm, lowering his hand. “Actually, Mr. Winchester, I do have that right. You hired _me,_ and I previously let you have your pick of my guards. But when one of them breaches their oath — like Castiel did — I’m well within my rights to reassign him. Don’t worry, he’s already been placed somewhere else and his things will be out of your house by the time you return home.”

“No. Fuck that!” Dean shoved his papers aside, ignoring Benny who moved closer. “Get him back, Sonny. I don’t give a shit about your oath. You know him! He wouldn’t have done it just to do it. Fix it. I won’t have anyone else move in my house.”

Jody approached him slowly and put her hand on his shoulder. “Dean… he knew what he was doing. He knew the risks. I was here when Cas was transferred. He took it better than I thought he would.”

Dean’s face fell. _He took it better... so, Cas is okay with this? Well just fuck me, right?!_ He really didn’t want to snap on Jody, but the anger in his chest had completely bubbled over. Dean turned away from her and punched a hole straight through the drywall.

“Oi!” Cole was on him in a second, pinning his arms behind his back and holding him steady. “Enough, Dean-o. It’s over, okay? Cas is with Ashton.”

“Wi—” Dean turned his face to meet Sonny’s eyes. _Of all fucking people._ “Let go of me.” His tone was dangerously calm. “Cole, let me go, and I’ll leave.”

Sonny nodded to Cole and the pressure left his arms as Cole backed away. “You’ll figure out soon enough that I did you a favor, son.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me. None of you.” Dean stormed out of the office, pushing past Alistar without a second glance.

~~~~

Dean had canceled everything for a couple weeks, but after hearing nothing from Cas, he had to get back out there. Alistair lasted all of one day before Dean fired his ass. Maybe he couldn’t override the Cas situation, but Sonny caved and found someone new. His new bodyguard, Henry, was alright, but anyone was better than that long-faced creep. Helped that he was easy on the eyes — not that Dean would ever make that mistake again.

Signings weren’t so bad. They were pretty damn repetitive, but that was actually a good thing for Dean. Smile every few seconds, wave, wink, sign, repeat. He could do it in his sleep. The only problem with _this_ time was Dean wasn’t feeling well. Not only that, it seemed him and Jo going to that party only fueled the fans obsession with their relationship. Everyone of every age wanted to talk about how cute they were and blah, blah. _Cute… more like fake._

Jody could feel his tension, he could feel that _she_ could feel it, and he shouldn’t have been surprised when she brought him a Jamba Juice and some donuts. It was a small solidarity offering, and it helped… for a bit. 

“What is next for _Joean?”_ Some teenage fan asked. _Joean… sounds like some horrible 2000’s pop band._

Dean forced a smile, “well… guess we’ll see. I’m surprised she hasn’t kicked me to the curb honestly. The girl is a gem.” He signed the photo she brought with her and slid it back. “Take care, sweetheart.” 

“Thank you, Dean. You and Jo are the cutest couple in all of Hollywood. I care more about you two than my own non-existent love life. Thank you for being an inspiration.” She walked off, and he had to fight every urge to roll his eyes. _Maybe your love life would be existent, if you weren’t fixated on some fake, fairytale celebrity relationship, Megan._

Dean didn’t realize he had zoned out until Jody cleared her throat. “Oh, hey there, what’s your name?” He asked the next fan. 

“Casey,” she mumbled nervously. 

“Hello, Casey. Don’t gotta be nervous okay? I’m just a guy.” _Regular ass human that hates his life, just like the rest of you._

She giggled, “Just a guy? You’re _thee_ guy. Just looking into your green eyes in person…” Casey trailed off, staring dreamily into his eyes. _Okay… awkward._

Dean finished signing the magazine she brought in and slid it back. “Thanks for comin’ out, Casey.” He ignored her squeak and moved on, signing a few more photos and a couple shirts. 

After another thirty minutes, Dean was over it. All these people ‘loved’ him, and yet none of them even knew him. 

“Dean, I hear you and Jo are engaged! Please tell us it’s true!” A fan called out when there was only four people left in line. 

“Not sure where you heard that from bu—” 

“Everyone is talking about it.” She said quickly, annoying Dean further. _Why ask me a question, if you’re going to friggin talk over me?_

“Look. I don’t know where the rumors came from, but don’t you think if that was true — and we wanted it to be public knowledge — we would announce it? Geez, I’m a friggin human being. What happened to privacy? We don’t like our relationship in the public eye, wanna know why? Because those relationships never last. How many famous couples can you think of that actually lasted? Hardly any.” Dean realized the room was rather quiet, all of them listening to his rant. “Whether we are, or we aren’t, it’s no one's business but our own, and I wish everyone would just back the fuck off about it.” He stood just as Jody cleared her throat and grabbed his arm, pulling him to the back room. 

Benny joined a moment later, just in time for the lecture. “Dammit, Dean! You just said ‘fuck’… to your fans! They were recording your little Ted Talk, you know that, right? Abaddon is going to flip her lid over this one.”

“Fuck her. Fuck everyone, man!” _Where is Cas?_ Dean had no clue why he suddenly wanted Cas there. Cas would be next to Jody yelling at him, too. But for some reason, he still wanted him there. Everything felt better when Cas was there.

Jody sighed and gave Benny a head nod to leave the room. He complied instantly, surely guarding the room. “What is going on, son? You’ve never lost it in front of fans. You’re drinking more, grouchy all the dang time, you’re getting sloppy with your hookups. Talk to me.”

“There isn’t anything to talk about, Jody. It wouldn’t change anything if there was, anyway. I have no control over my life or my damn emotions anymore.” _All I can think about is Asstiel and I can’t fucking have him!_ “I gotta go home. Can we give the rest of those fans a refund?”

She wanted to say more, he could see that, but she didn’t push more. “Another thing Abaddon is going to flip over, but fuck her, right?” Jody offered a small smile. 

“Exactly, fuck her.” 

~~~~

It had been a bit since Dean and Ashton had a scene together, and the last time they did, he didn’t bring Cas anyway. Dean took that to mean Cas just didn’t want to see him. It didn’t stop him from looking though, and when Cas actually did walk in behind Ashton this time, Dean stopped mid-bite and walked over. 

He started chewing his finger sandwich again as he stopped in front of them, squaring his shoulders and tilting his head toward Cas and then Ashton in turn. “Nice bodyguard, asshat. Looks familiar.”

“He just has one of those faces, I hear that all the time,” Ashton joked. 

Dean fake laughed and then abruptly stopped. “Hilarious. Sup, Betty. What happened to being long lost pals?”

Those blue eyes looked right over his shoulder and Dean glanced behind him to see Henry standing there. Cas cleared his throat. “I suppose it’s more fitting now, isn’t it? We weren’t exactly _lost_ before.” He paused, not taking his eyes off Henry. “It seems you filled the position quickly.”

Dean dusted his hands and shrugged. “You know Sonny. Couldn’t have that creep though, Havoc didn’t like him.” He glanced at Ashton. “Can I help you? Go work, lazy.”

Ashton rolled his eyes and walked away, flipping Dean the bird as he went. Cas tried to follow, but Dean stuck his hand out. “Where you goin’?”

“I have a job to do, Dean.” Cas licked his lips slowly as he tilted his head down toward Dean’s hand on his chest. He lowered his voice, his carefully constructed expression slipping a little. “Are you alright?”

“Didn’t know you cared. My number hasn’t changed, you know.” _Especially after all my damn texts._ “Coulda said hi or... responded. Like once.”

Cas grimaced, turning to fully face him so his back was to the rest of the room. “Sonny replaced my phone. I didn’t get any of them... I’m sorry, Dean. I assumed you were going to blame me for this.”

“Don’t blame you. Just... didn’t know you’d ever actually leave. Like... all the way leave.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “How... are you?” _Cool, small talk. Next up, the weather._

The distance between them lessened as Cas stepped forward. “I didn’t leave on purpose, Dean. I was reassigned, you _have_ to know that I’d rather be with you. You _have_ to know that.” 

Dean licked his lips and fought the urge to reach out and hug him. “Even now?” He whispered, feeling that if he was too loud it would completely ruin the moment.

“Especially now.” Cas reached out and barely ghosted his fingers over Dean’s arm. “I hate not being... _home.”_ He paused, peeking over his shoulder to make sure Henry was keeping a distance. “Tell me you’re okay, Dean.”

“M’okay.” Dean followed his eyes and stood up straighter. “Havoc isn’t though... he misses you like crazy. Even slept in your bed last night.” _With me._

A small smile softened Cas’ face and he flicked his eyes over to Ashton, who was gaping at them like a dumbass. “You know... I think I even miss the dog.” 

Ashton yelled to someone across the room and then came running over, bodily running into Cas and stepping in front of Dean. He barked a forced laugh but dropped his voice quickly. “I don’t pretend to know what the hell is going on, but we’ve got company. With cameras. And it looked like you were about to make out with _my_ bodyguard.”

“Fuck off, bitch.” Dean turned away and stormed off. _Of all the fucking people, Sonny!_

It was another hour before he could finally get Cas alone again. He slowly got closer and closer, until they were finally standing next to each other. “Hi.”

Cas slowly reached his hand out until his pinky was gently nudging Dean’s, keeping his chin up and face pointing straight ahead. “Hello, Dean.” 

Dean bit back a smile, trying to ignore the warmth he felt from a single ghost of a touch. “Can I have your new number?”

“Of course, Dean.” Cas hesitated, but moved his hand to pull his phone out of his pocket. A moment later, it disappeared again. “There, I sent you a text.”

“We should get together... maybe play some pool.” He grinned to himself, hoping Cas got what he really meant.

By the smirk that briefly appeared on his face, he did. Cas leaned a little to the side, closer to Dean. “I wouldn’t mind winning again, that’s for sure.”

“You lost, buddy. I kicked your ass.” Dean forgot where they were and faced him with a wide grin. “We can come up with new bets.”

Cas cleared his throat, not one part of his expression changing. “I don’t know, I seem to remember winning that night, too... although, I suppose that had nothing to do with pool.”

“Nah... just the table.” Dean licked his lips and winked. “Th—” 

“Winchester! Get your ass over here!” Ashton called. _Gonna punch this bitch one day._

“I’ll be back.” Dean begrudgingly walked away, back toward his job and away from Cas.

**Castiel**

Cas pointedly didn’t watch Dean walk away, he wasn’t sure he was prepared to get a look at Dean’s ass quite yet. It was all he could do to stay standing as-is, to stay professional, to _not_ drag Dean into the nearest empty hall and kiss the breath right out of him. 

Over the last couple of weeks, he thought he’d gotten used to Dean’s absence. Nothing was quite as funny without him, or as bright, but he’d been able to get through the day in what he thought was relative comfort. But being next to Dean, breathing in that familiar scent, and having even that small amount of contact with him… he hadn’t been nearly as okay as he’d convinced himself he was. He’d just gotten used to the discomfort in his chest, and the sudden absence only brought to light how bad it had actually been. 

Ashton should have been his concern, but Cas barely spared two seconds to make sure he was safe and out of danger. He’d _finally_ managed to convince Ashton’s other bodyguard to swap him shifts and he wouldn’t waste a moment of being near Dean. 

Part of him knew this wasn’t healthy, that teasing himself by talking to Dean would only make it worse. Texting him, trying to get a night off to play ‘pool’ with him, or whatever else might happen… it all sounded detrimental to his quest to accept the shift in his universe. He was reminded of a _Grey’s Anatomy_ quote that never really made sense to him in that moment. _‘Why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.’_

When filming was wrapping up for the day, Cas tried to catch Dean’s eye. He’d internally battled himself over what to do, but when push came to shove… he might not get another chance. Ashton was a decent boss, but he made it clear he didn’t take kindly to time-off requests, and if Cas couldn’t go to Dean’s… that hallway would have to do. _Come on, Dean. Look over. Follow me, just for a moment._

Dean finally turned his way, a small smile forming on his face. He did his adorable head nod, and Cas slowly backed up toward the side entrance to the set, not breaking eye contact and hoping to hell Dean got what he meant.

It took a second, but Cas saw the moment it clicked for Dean and he glanced around the room before following.

Cas smiled as Dean made it out into the dark hall and pulled him in, ditching his plan to kiss him breathless in favor of simply hugging him. “Finally.”

Dean melted into his arms, hanging on like he might disappear. “Finally. Miss you, Cas.”

“I miss you, too.” Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck, kissing the skin there. “I still watch you as much as I can, but Ashton keeps me on a leash.”

“I hate that you had to go. It’s my fault, m’sorry,” Dean mumbled into Cas’ shoulder.

That wasn’t necessarily untrue, but Cas was equally to blame and it didn’t matter whose fault it was. He held tighter, his heart hammering hard enough he feared Dean would feel it. “I’ll find my way back. I will.”

“I know. I almost fired all of ‘em. It was hard not to. They didn’t even tell me until you were packin’ your stuff.”

Cas knew they wouldn’t, so all he did was nod and pull back enough to look at him. “You said...” he paused, licking his lips and wondering if he really wanted to know. “You were drunk... did you really leave Jaskier?”

“Yeah. That day he came over. That was why I asked him to come over. Can I kiss you?” Dean didn’t wait for an answer, he dove in, whimpering when their lips finally touched.

Somehow, it was even sweeter than last time. Maybe it was the lack of alcohol, or maybe it was something else. But as Cas pushed Dean against the wall and deepened that kiss, feeling it to his very toes… he knew he’d keep fucking hitting himself with that hammer if it meant moments like this in between. 

Dean gripped Cas’ slacks and licked into his mouth, moaning when Cas pressed their bodies together. Feeling Dean against every inch of him was nearly overwhelming, and Cas found himself carding his hand in Dean’s hair and ghosting his lips down the column of Dean’s throat. He whispered, “we should stop,” with absolutely no willpower to do so himself. 

“No...” Dean whispered back as he bared his neck. “Don’t.”

He rucked up Dean’s shirt, his hands desperately searching for heated skin as his lips on Dean’s neck got more insistent. Cas’ slacks were tight pressing against his growing length, and it was that alone that made Cas stop. He dropped his forehead to Dean’s shoulder and took a shuddering breath, sliding his hands lower to Dean’s ass. “If someone walks out here... we can’t. They’ll see you.”

“Fuck... fucking hate hiding.” Dean sighed and laid his head back against the wall, looking so flushed and kiss-swollen it made Cas ache. “Come over on your next day off.”

Cas nodded quickly, stepping back with blown pupils and sweat beading on the small of his back. “Of course… if I ever get one when you’re free at the same time.” 

“I’ll cancel. I don’t care.” Dean huffed a laugh. “Fuck all these people.” Cas’ phone started ringing and Dean frowned. “That asshat?”

One glance at his watch confirmed it and he nodded, leaning in to kiss Dean one more time. “I’ll call you. Take care of yourself.”

“You too, Betty.” Dean kicked off the wall and walked back through the door they came from, not even bothering to straighten his hair.

Cas waited a couple of minutes, grinning like an asshole at the ceiling and turning around in circles in an attempt to get the blood flowing to the right places in his body again. 

_I wasn’t crazy. He missed me, too… even if it was just the sex._

~~~~

Cas wasn’t sure when his next day off would be, but he knew he wouldn’t make it that long before texting Dean. He at least waited until Ashton went to bed and then sat down on the couch, hovering his fingers over the keys, trying to find something interesting to say. 

**Castiel:** **_This is a wellness check. Are you alive?_ **

_Yeah, that’s… no. Damnit. Too late._

**Dean:** **_Nope. Died tonight for lack of attention. Come over._ **

He grinned at the screen, imagining Dean laying on his bed texting, and huffed a quiet laugh. _If only._

**Castiel:** **_I’m on duty tonight, or I would._ **

**Dean:** **_Then I’ll come over. Where’s the douchebag?_ **

**Dean:** **_I’ll bring pie_ **

**Dean:** **_I’m just gonna come_ **

Cas’ smile went from huge to barely there as that last text came in. He’d already been fired once, bringing someone into Ashton’s house when he was supposed to be on duty would absolutely get him fired again. He knew he should tell Dean no, tell him to wait, to pick another night. 

But apparently, when it came to Dean... reason went out the window. 

**Castiel:** **_Bring whoever is on guard tonight, come around the back. I’ll shut off the alarm._ **

**Dean:** **_Yes, Sir. Henry is on duty and he does what I say. Already grabbin’ the pie._ **

Cas’ stomach threw a fit as he realized Dean was serious. Most of his instincts told him not to do it; he had a responsibility to Ashton and at the very least, he should ask permission to have someone over… especially Dean. Not to mention, Ashton didn’t know Dean was gay, and if he found out, things could get bad for Dean. The last thing Cas ever wanted was to make his life harder.

_But surely he knows that? It’s not a secret where I work now, and Dean isn’t an idiot. He’s horny, but not an idiot._

The mere thought of sinking inside of Dean’s perfect ass had Cas pushing himself up from the couch and listening in at Ashton’s door to make sure he was really asleep. He didn’t hear any noise, so he walked as silently as he could to the back door and turned off the alarm. 

**Castiel:** **_Hurry._ **

**Dean:** **_Be there in ten. Took a few minutes to... prepare for this_ **

A shiver ran down Cas’ spine, but part of him was disappointed that he still wouldn’t get to be the one to work Dean open slowly, but speed would likely be their friend here. 

He paced for the entirety of the next fifteen minutes — Dean had always been an awful judge of time since he didn’t keep his own schedule — and didn’t relax until he saw two hooded figures approaching the back door. He slid it open and stepped aside, smirking lightly at Henry as he closed the door behind them and took off his hood. “Has he driven you insane yet?”

“Yes. Hoping this helps,” Henry joked. “I’ll watch out, just don’t take too long.” He nodded and stood near the door.

Dean pulled his hood down and handed Cas a slice of pie. “I only have _pies_ for you.” He grinned that wide, innocent grin. “Get it?”

 _As if I could ever live without that smile._ “I thought the pies were a joke, but shh. Don’t wake him up, he’s worse than you are.” Cas grabbed Dean’s hand and held the pie steady as he made his way toward his room and shut the door. 

Dean looked around the room, raising his eyebrows at how bare it was. “Home, sweet home? You liked your bed at our house better right?”

“Yes, Dean. I liked everything about _our_ house better.” He set the pie down and placed his hands on Dean’s face, pulling him into a kiss.

Dean instantly kissed back, his hands sliding to Cas’ sides and tugging at his dress shirt. “C’mon...” He whispered. “Need you, Cas.”

No job in the world was worth not giving Dean what he needed. Cas moaned quietly and took a step back, stripping quickly. “Did you bring supplies? I’m incredibly understocked here, given the fact that I don’t want anyone but you.”

“Yeah?” He grinned and pulled off his hoodie, along with his shirt. “Yeah, brought some lube. And a condom.” Dean emptied his pockets and kicked off his shoes.

Cas felt a pang of disappointment at the mention of a condom, but it wasn’t like he didn’t understand. He took in the sight of Dean’s body and tossed the items onto his bed, kissing Dean again as he pushed down Dean’s sweatpants. Between heated kisses, he mumbled, “I need you to do me a favor.”

“Mmhm. Shoot.” Dean reached down to grip Cas’ length, bringing his lips to Cas’ once more and then dropping to his knees. “What favor?” He lapped at the tip, smirking up at Cas as his pupils blew. 

His thoughts became immediately fuzzy. “You... shit.” Cas twitched from the feel of Dean’s tongue and he glanced down to watch him. “I need you to get tested, and to stop fucking other people. I hate condoms, and if I don’t get to come inside of you soon...”

“I haven’t fucked anyone else since you left, and I’ll get tested again to be safe.” Dean sucked the head into his mouth, still staring up at Cas like the admission didn’t just unravel him. 

Cas enjoyed Dean’s perfect mouth for a moment longer than pulled him to his feet, kissing him messily as he backed them over to the bed and they tumbled down onto it. Cas hovered over him and slid his hand between Dean’s legs to find the plug, moaning low when his fingers closed around it. 

He knew they had to be careful not to wake Ashton up, and his spine was prickling with the need to stay professional so he’d be ready if needed to protect his new charge, but then Dean bit his neck and Ashton became the last thing on his mind. “Can you stay quiet for me, Dean? As much as I enjoyed hearing you last time, it got us in trouble.” 

“Y—yeah... I’ll try. Fuck me, Cas. Need to feel you.” Dean stared at him with the most needy eyes Cas had ever seen, especially from _him._

Cas slowly worked the plug out as he leaned back on his knees to roll the damned condom on and grab the lube. His breath hitched in his throat at the beauty of Dean all vulnerable and wanting like that, and Cas threw reason aside as he lubed himself up and scooted forward to press his tip against Dean’s entrance. 

Dean exhaled a shaky breath as he held his knees spread apart. His eyes were locked on Cas’ slowly disappearing cock, and he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as Cas sunk inside so slowly he thought he’d burn alive with anticipation.

Bottoming out felt like Heaven on Earth, and Cas dropped down to steal a kiss as he rolled his hips to press impossibly deeper. 

Dean groaned and lifted his head to deepen the kiss. His cock lay heavy against his stomach as he ran his hands through Cas’ hair, dragging a hushed moan from him. 

“You feel so good, _I_ might be the one who has issues keeping quiet this time.” Cas kissed over his jaw and down his neck as he picked up speed, grateful that Dean seemed to adjust quickly to his size despite him not being patient enough to open him up further than the plug had. 

Dean huffed a laugh and nipped his jaw. “C’mon, Cas. Didn’t you miss me?”

Cas pulled out until Dean’s ass was barely holding him in and snapped forward, smirking at the yelp that came out of Dean. “Of course I did, but I’m trying to keep you quiet, remember?” 

“Gonna have to try harder than tha—” Cas cut Dean off mid-sentence by clamping a hand over his mouth and flattening out on top of him until he could feel Dean’s hard cock between them. 

He chuckled quietly as Dean tensed and then went pliant, whimpering into his palm and wrapping his legs tight around Cas’ ass. 

“See?” Cas sucked a bruise into Dean’s shoulder where it wouldn’t be seen and groaned as he bottomed out again, grinding against Dean’s body. “You _can_ be a good boy, maybe I need to make you miss me more often.”

Dean’s response was muffled by his hand, but the tone alone told him it was bratty. Cas leaned back, sliding two fingers into Dean’s mouth to shut him up, and fucked him harder as he finally reached down to stroke himself. 

The sight was insanely beautiful. Cas was convinced he could watch Dean suck his fingers and masturbate for hours, and having his cock buried inside of him during it only made it better. He grunted, getting closer to the edge with each snap of his hips and perfect squeeze of Dean’s ass. 

He pulled his fingers out to buy himself time and guided one arm under Dean, flipping them over. It wasn’t as smooth as he wanted it to be and his cock slipped out, but the second he lined up and Dean sunk down again, Cas planted his feet and started fucking up into him. “Come for me, Dean.”

Cas almost immediately regretted the switch because now, he had a full view of Dean touching himself and the angle was so good he was having trouble holding back his orgasm. 

They’d reached a point where nothing was quiet. Cas’ hips were smacking loudly against Dean’s ass with every thrust, and Dean’s moans were becoming more pronounced by the second. He was exactly too far gone to care, and when his release ripped through his body, his back arched off the bed and he nearly choked trying to silence his own groan.

Dean rode Cas through it and stripped his cock until Cas could feel the hot come spattering over his stomach. Cas thrust up one more time, hitting Dean’s sweet spot. _“C—aaaas!”_

He reached up and grabbed Dean by the back of his neck, slamming their mouths together to try and shut him up, but he knew it was too late. That was loud enough it would be a miracle if Ashton didn’t wake up. 

But as they came down, tangled together and exchanging sleepy, sated kisses… Cas didn’t give a shit who heard.

He had what he wanted. 


	10. Run Through the Jungle

**Dean**

If Dean would have known that night would be the last with Cas for a while, he would have stayed longer. He thought he would see Cas on his days off; he didn’t know that asshat Ashton would be overworking Cas so bad they hardly had time to text during the day. Not to mention, it seemed like Abaddon and Jody were coordinating to keep Dean busy at the ass crack of dawn every damn day. The first few nights after, Dean stayed up late texting or falling asleep on the phone with Cas like a teenager. But, he quickly learned that if he didn’t get to sleep by midnight, he would highly regret it come morning — and his new trainer didn’t quit until he was out of bed. 

It had been a while since Dean had done a photoshoot, and Abaddon had a personal trainer coming over every day of the week to get Dean in shape for his pre-convention shoot. 6am workouts were for demons — Dean was convinced.

Brady wasn’t as bad as that dick, Alistair, but Dean still wanted to punch him every morning, right in his dumb blonde head. “Come on, Dean. Did you have pie last night again?”

 _No. I had it this morning, bitch._ “Nah. Just not in the mood.” Not fully a lie.

“You’re never in the mood,” he argued as he pressed a button on Dean’s treadmill to accelerate the speed. 

“Stop it, dick. I’m not in the mood because I have to see _your_ face first thing in the morning.” 

Brady laughed, and that was probably the only reason the asshat was still around; he had a thick skin. “Ladies love my face. And my body. Do you know why?”

“Because you eat Wheaties in the mornin’ and you bleach your asshole?”

He laughed again. “Yes, to both of those. But also, because I train. I treat my body well, so they know I will treat _their_ bodies well. I know you wouldn’t have trouble in the ladies department if you weren’t tied down, but imagine how happy Jo would be to see you taking care of yourself.”

 _Jo wouldn’t give two fucks._ “I take care of myself, I just also enjoy my damn life. Can I stop now?” 

Brady slowed the treadmill for the cool down. “Gonna hit some weights before we call it a day.”

“Awesome.”

~~~~

The days before the photoshoot were taken so seriously they dumped all Dean’s snacks and had him eating like a damn rabbit so everything would go smoothly, and it did. Dean looked hot, and even left feeling pretty damn confident about the shirtless takes. Jody restocked all his snacks, and he ate _way_ too much pie that night... but who’s countin’. 

He still missed Cas like crazy. Their schedules were completely clashing, making Dean worry that it was on purpose. _Did Sonny have control over Cas’ schedule still? Did he keep them apart on purpose? Why? He already reassigned him, why keep them apart?_ Not knowing was infuriating, but Dean hardly had the time to dwell. They were coming up on a season finale, so work was stressful. To make it worse, Cas didn’t come with Ashton again to the set. 

The world was against them. _Fucking why?!_ Dean couldn’t wrap his head around it and the more he thought about it, the more angry he became. _Fuck everyone, fuck living in secret…. No, fuck living a lie. Why can’t I be gay? Jask is gay and he was welcomed with open arms. The LGBTQIA community is warm and accepting. Why can’t I just be me? Because I’ll lose some homophobic, douchebag fans? Who gives a shit, and why do I want those fans anyway?_

Those were dangerous thoughts to have when he arrived at the convention the night before. He was supposed to announce his engagement here, his _fake_ engagement. An engagement that _couldn’t_ fucking happen. He couldn’t do this shit anymore. What was there to gain? More money? He had more than enough money to get by, and who cared if the show killed off his character? He was sick of being Michael Havoc, anyway. He didn’t even care about the dumb Batman movie anymore. He just wanted love. True love. And a weird little part of him was starting to think that was Cas.

He had struggled to sleep in that dumb hotel bed, especially knowing Cas might arrive at any moment. He hadn’t responded by the time Dean finally fell asleep, but he hoped that meant he was in the air and would be there in the morning. He _had_ to hope.

“Winchester!” Ashton called out, as Dean snacked on some complimentary finger foods in the back room. He’d woken up to a text from Cas saying they landed, but he still hadn’t seen him, so he had never been more happy to hear that dick’s voice. It was short lived, though — Cas wasn’t with him. 

“Charles.” Dean finished chewing, deciding not to ask where Cas was since Ashton wasn’t alone. “Hey, Graves, long time no see.”

Their other co-star pulled him in for a hug. “I know! Ivy was on sabbatical, but she’s coming back in the season finale. I haven’t been to a convention since last year, I’m kind of nervous. Where’s Jo?” Adriana asked as she glanced around the room.

 _Shit… where_ **_is_ ** _Jo?_ “Um… she needed her beauty rest, should be down soon.” Dean pulled out his phone to text her and let her know people were asking about her. He didn’t notice Adriana walk away, but when Ashton spoke again in a much lower and serious tone, it was obvious they were alone. 

“Hey, nice work sneaking into my house, dick. You could’ve asked.”

“I don—” _Why lie? Asshat obviously knows._ “Cas wanted pie.” Dean shrugged and grabbed some more snacks to distract himself.

Ashton sidestepped so he was right in Dean’s face, and the fucker was smirking. “Yeah? Was the pie so good it had _you_ screaming my bodyguard’s name?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Dean whispered sharply, taking a quick glance around the room. _Of all fucking people, Sonny!_ Maybe this wasn’t Sonny’s fault anymore, but that never stopped Dean from placing blame. “You knew all these weeks and didn’t say anything?”

The grin he received was irritating as hell. “Oh, I said something to Cas the next morning, but he threatened to kill me in some pretty... _colorful_ ways if I said a word to you. But things are a little different today, so... you gonna admit it? I’m about to be your best friend, but I need to hear you say it first.”

Dean imagined all the ways he could punch the guy. He could right hook his ass right here and embarrass the shit outta him. He could jab his ass in the nose, fucking up his whole weekend. He could ask to go somewhere private and then clock his ass... the possibilities were endless. 

But Dean knew he needed to tread lightly. Coming out was _his._ His moment, and not even this dick was going to take it from him. “C’mon man, what do you want from me? You gonna bribe me?”

Ashton screwed up his face in offense. “Christ, Dean. I know we don’t get along all the time, but I’m not an asshole. No, listen...” He glanced around them and pulled Dean further away from everyone else. “Cas told me everything, okay? Don’t be mad at him, I said some really shitty things to get him to tell me. He’s got a car, and he’s outside waiting for you. If you don’t wanna do this, don’t wanna go through with the wedding — you’ve got an out. I’ll cover for you here while you two ride off into the sunset, but you gotta go _now,_ before your panel starts.”

Dean stared at him in disbelief, waiting for the punchline. _So, this asshat wants to help... nah... no way._ “That’s funny. Thanks.” He rolled his eyes and went to walk around him.

“Dean!” Ashton grabbed his arm to stop him from walking away. “I’m serious. No one should have to live a lie like that. And hell,” he smiled cheekily, “maybe it’s selfish of me. Luna Vale has never been big enough for the both of us.”

That reasoning made sense... Maybe the douche nozzle _was_ actually trying to help, but this was definitely self-motivated for _The Lives We Leave Behind._ Dean actually huffed a laugh at that, _what a fitting ass show title._ “Okay, and what? We just disappear and then what? For how long before I’m up to my neck in legal fees? Cas really has a car?” The possibility of just running away with Cas was actually enticing... but he was sick of hiding. Wasn’t running the same shit?

“Yeah, he does have a car. And I’ve only spent a few weeks with the guy but if anyone could keep you off Abaddon’s radar, it’s him.” Ashton shuddered like he’s learned the hard way what Cas was capable of. “But I’m tellin’ you, you’ve gotta go _now_ before you announce that bullshit engagement and the press crawls so far up your ass there won’t be _room_ for Novak anymore.”

 _No room for Cas, my ass!_ If everything in Dean’s life made no room for Cas, than everything else could fucking go. All he needed was Cas anyway. 

And yet still... he _had_ to fucking do this. “Well... thanks Ashton. But I have to do this the right way. I’m done hiding. LWLB is all yours.” Dean clasped his shoulder and walked around Ashton to go talk to Jo. She deserved to know where his head was at.

Ashton swore loudly enough to get Jo’s attention, and she looked up as Dean finally reached her. “Hey! You ready for this?”

“Ready as I can be.” He looked around and pulled her to the side. “I can’t do this. We can’t get married.”

Surprise flashed in her eyes and she gaped at him. “Dean, we talked about this. It’s not real, it’s just to help both of us. I promise I won’t make you stop seeing Cas or anything. Where is this coming from?”

“I... I wanna come out. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I’m fucking miserable.” Dean stared into her eyes, knowing this was big for her and Drake, too. “M’sorry. I’m being selfish. If this means that much to you, I won’t do it. I’ll go along with whatever, you went along with my shit way before Drake. But Jo... I’m drownin’ here.”

Jo threw herself at him, hugging him tightly. “Don’t be such a martyr, Dean. No need to drown in my account. Drake and I will be fine... I think we’re both tired of the secrecy, too.” She rocked back on her heels out of Dean’s embrace and pursed her lips. “When?”

Dean gallic shrugged. “Ah... You know me. Go big or go home, right?”

Her eyes widened. “So, wait… now? Here?” She squeezed his wrist and huffed a nervous laugh. “Man, I bet this convention goes down in the record books.”

“Probably.” He took a deep breath and looked around at all the people that worked so hard to be here. _Yeah... probably._ “I have to though, Abaddon has already leaked it, I know it. So, you know someone is going to ask.”

Jo nodded, chewing on her bottom lip. “Do you have a plan for what you’re going to do after?”

“Haven’t really got that far. Guess I’m hopin’ people don’t hate me. But I’m not holdin’ my breath. Probably find a hole to climb in until people forget. Then just... live. Be me, whatever that means.” He really had no clue. But living in a damn hole as himself was better than living as Michael Havoc in a fake marriage.

She hugged him again, holding on this time and tucking her head against his chest. “If you need anything from me, don’t hesitate to ask. You were the only one I had when I was a kid thrown into this very adult world, and if I can return that favor now… I will.” She looked up, kissing his chin. “I’m really proud of you, Dean. It takes a lot of balls to do what you’re about to do.”

“You know I like balls.” He chuckled, but the smile didn’t meet his eyes. This was a huge moment, and her support meant more than he could ever express. “Thanks, Jo. Really. You’re... one of my best friends. I wouldn’t be here without you.”

She winked, stepping back. “I know. We all know I’ve carried your ass on this show for years, why should real life be any different?”

Dean rolled his eyes and ruffled her hair lightly. Not hard enough to mess up her professional ‘do, but enough to stress her out about it. “You should get that looked at. Just a mop up there now.”

“You’re an ass.” Jo smacked his arm playfully and tried to fix it. “Oh, who cares. If you really follow through with this, no one will be paying attention to me, anyway. Now come on… let’s go break a million hearts.”

~~~~

It didn’t take long for the rumors of their engagement to be brought up in the Q&A and Jo smiled warmly as she took Dean’s hand. He could feel she didn’t do that for the camera, she did it for _him._ He felt her blessing in that touch and he glanced over to meet her gaze. He still hadn’t seen Cas all damn day, so he had no idea if Ashton was telling the truth or not — but that did nothing to talk him out of putting an end to all the lies. “I gotta do this, Jo.” He whispered in her ear. “I’m sorry.”

She leaned in and wrapped an arm around him. “Then do it. I support you no matter what.” Jo kissed his cheek and sat back in her chair, offering a small nod towards the microphone. 

Dean cleared his throat and glanced down at Ashton as the world stilled. _Everyone who matters knows. It’s time the world knows._ Dealing with Abaddon was going to suck, but fuck her for making him live a damn lie. He stared at the girl who’d asked the question, resolve spreading through his bones. “No, we aren’t engaged. Because we aren’t together.” The murmurs and camera shutters grew louder by the second, like a swarm of murder hornets approaching the stage. 

“You’re… what?” The fan asked, her face contorted with confusion.

“We’re not together… I don’t want to lie anymore. I fucking hate lying. Not even allowed to say ‘fuck’ and I’m twenty-four years old. I’m sick of having to fit into this cookie cutter box everyone has put me in. I’m not perfect, far from it. I cuss, I eat way too much pie, I didn’t even graduate high school, and I’m gay. I just want to be… me.” 

The low buzz of the crowd went back to full murder-mode in seconds. _Wonder if it was that last bit that set ‘em off._ Dean actually chuckled to himself. Maybe everyone _would_ hate him now… but he was free.

**  
Castiel**

Cas sat in the driver's seat of his new ‘67 Impala and wiped his palms on his slacks. If Ashton did his job, Dean would be sneaking out the back any minute and they’d finally be free; free of Dean’s restrictions, free of Cas’ grueling schedule, free of everyone and everything that tried to keep them apart. 

A piece of Cas knew that he was taking a pretty big gamble — he’d known for years how in love with Dean he was, but did Dean really feel the same? Sometimes it seemed like it, and sometimes it seemed like all Dean wanted was sex. Amazing, breathtaking, unforgettable sex. 

He was also very aware that Dean was the type of person that wanted whatever he couldn’t have, simply because there _was_ nothing he couldn’t have… except for the freedom to be who he really was. So, when Ashton had called him out about the night when Dean snuck in, Cas was at an impasse. He could’ve lied, found a way to explain the sounds… but something about Ashton’s demeanor behind closed doors — the decent human he’d proven himself to be, not the asshole he showed the public — told him he’d find an ally in him, not an enemy. Even still, Cas hadn’t made a secret of what he’d do to Ashton if he attempted to use the information to harm Dean in any way.

So they’d hatched a plan. Cas spent hours searching the internet for a car similar to the one on the poster in Dean’s game room that could be purchased near the convention center, and he’d found one. It needed some work, but that was nothing a few greased palms and well-placed phone calls from the famous soap star couldn’t take care of. 

Ashton had even hired another bodyguard in preparation — though they both thought that might’ve been a little premature. Dean was unpredictable and their decision not to tell Dean beforehand complicated things. But in the off chance that Dean got heated with someone or let it slip to the wrong person at a party, they couldn’t risk it. The success of the plan required them to be far, far away from the Miami convention center by the time anyone even noticed he was missing. 

But as the minutes ticked on, Cas started to accept the fact that Dean wasn’t coming. When a full hour passed, it cemented in his mind that either Ashton backed out, or Dean decided a quiet life with Cas wasn’t worth giving up his fame and fortune. Either way, Cas couldn’t wait outside any longer, the car was conspicuous and his face was too recognizable — someone would end up asking why he was lurking in the back of the center like a getaway driver. _Well, that’s what I was_ **_supposed_ ** _to be._

He reluctantly got out of the car and made his way back inside, just in time to see Dean backing away from an enraged fan. _Shit, Dean. What have you done?_

“...no. I never cheated. We were never actually a couple.” Dean tried to reason with the man with his hands raised but before security could reach them, the man charged.

“You cheating faggot! Jo deserves better!” He threw a punch, and Cas ran as fast as he could but the blow landed clean into Dean’s cheekbone just before Cas tackled the man to the ground. 

Rage coursed through him, not just at the violence, but the slur as well. He dug his knee into the man’s crotch and pinned his arms to the ground, cold fury on his face. “Do you have a problem with _faggots?”_

“They belong in hell!” The man grunted. “Get your knee — _ouch!”_ He struggled, trying to break free, but Cas only strengthened his grip. “He admitted it! He’s a cheating gay!” 

Dean walked over, his hand on his cheek. “I never cheated! It was fucking acting! Cas... get me outta here, please.”

There was no telling what happened in that room before Cas had come in, but he could make an educated guess based on the angry crowd and the bodyguards trying to keep them at bay. _Damnit, Dean._ Everything in him wanted to make the wriggling, idiotic, homophobic _prick_ underneath him bleed, but Dean wanted out, and Dean would always come first. 

Cas glared down at the man and released him. “Then I’ll see you there, and I doubt I’ll have as many restrictions in Hell.” He stood, stepping on the man’s wrist as he rolled and tried to get up. “Come on, let’s go.” Cas held out his hand for Dean and pulled him quickly toward the back of the stage and the exit that would take them to the car. 

Ashton gave them a thumbs up and then raced onto the stage, yelling loudly and trying to draw the attention to himself as they made their escape, and Cas had a fleeting thought that he might actually miss him. 

When they got outside, Cas led Dean to the Impala and smiled at the look on his face as they stopped in front of it. “Does it look familiar?” _Read: did I get the right one?_

“Cas! This is a ‘67 Impala! A black one, just like the photo! How’d you manage to snag this?!” Dean walked around it like he had all the damn time in the world to admire it, like he _didn’t_ just get punched in the face.

Cas opened the passenger door and gently pushed Dean in, fighting a smile. “I’m glad it’s the right one, but we need to go. We can admire it later.” He raced around to the other side and got in, starting the car and taking a deep breath. “You realize if that’s the reaction you got to your face, the reaction of the keyboard warriors will be even worse, right?” He hit the gas, peeling away from the convention center and toward the road.

Dean glanced back and then rubbed his eyes with a heavy sigh. “Fuck... I did it Cas. I fucking did it.”

He nodded quickly, trying to reform the plan in his mind to fit the changes. There were too many variables now and it was making him antsy, but he could sense that Dean was roughly eight seconds from a mental breakdown so he kept his voice as calm as he could as he stretched that Impala’s muscles on the highway. “I know, Dean. I only caught the tail end, but... I’m proud of you. How do you feel?”

“I don’t yet... is that normal? Should I feel somethin’? I mean my face kinda hurts. But... people are pissed and I feel nothing.” He looked down in deep thought.

The volumes of character growth that spoke were almost too much for Cas. When he’d met Dean originally, all he cared about was himself and his image, and Cas felt _honored_ that he’d been along for the journey. “That’s not a bad thing, Dean. It might be shock, but… it might also mean that you know you did the right thing.” Cas reached over and lightly brushed Dean’s cheek, lowering his voice as much as he could to try and make Dean laugh. “Should I kiss it and make it better?”

“Yeah...” Dean leaned over with a small smile on his lips. “Cas... Am I free?”

The hopefulness in Dean’s voice broke Cas’ heart in all the best ways. He nodded, dropping his hand down to grasp Dean’s. “Yes, you are. And no matter what happens… I’m yours, in whatever capacity you’ll have me. Bodyguard or otherwise.”

“How about otherwise?” He licked his lips. “Where we goin’?”

Cas grinned, keeping his hand right where it was as he looked out at the road. “I thought home might be nice. It’s been a while for me.”

“Awesome. Have you ever even been in my room?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “No. Prior to our pool game, that room and yours were the only two I hadn’t been in.” Cas shrugged one shoulder and brushed his thumb over the back of Dean’s hand. “I always assumed if you wanted me in there, you’d tell me.”

“Dumb. Course I wanted you in there. In my bed. Naked.” Dean grinned and started looking around the car. “Car is nice, Cas. Did you buy this?”

Cas squirmed at the thought, it had been _way_ too long since he’d had any ‘naked’ time with Dean. “Yes, I did. Ashton helped, he said it was my severance package. He fired me, by the way.”

“Fired you?! Why? Fucking asshat. Doesn’t he just have one of those punchable faces?”

“It’s not what you think. He said... and I quote, ‘if someone with a gun made their way on set, I’d need my bodyguard to actually protect me, not use me as a human shield to protect Dean’.” He smirked slightly, pulling his hand back and turning on the radio. “He wasn’t wrong, and I absolutely deserved to be fired for it.”

Dean looked over and then scooted closer, not caring about the seatbelt. “I didn’t get to give you a severance package.” He started fumbling with Cas’ slacks, and Cas gripped the steering wheel a little harder as a shiver ran up his spine.

“What are you —“ He shifted in the seat and lifted his hips up, almost involuntarily chasing Dean’s mouth. 

Dean didn’t respond with words. He disappeared into Cas’ lap and sucked him down hungrily. Maybe if Dean was smaller, this could be inconspicuous, but a 6’2 grown man giving another 6’ grown man head in a classic car was anything but. Dean didn’t seem to care; he bobbed and sucked Cas loudly as if he wanted the entire world to hear him. And maybe he did.

Cas let out a growl, thrusting up, and the movement had him pressing the gas harder than necessary. The engine roared as Cas’ cock started leaking in Dean’s mouth. “Dean…”

“Mmhmm.” Dean hummed but kept going, and Cas wasn’t sure Dean would stop even if they got pulled over. If he was being honest with himself, the fact that Dean wanted it so badly turned him on more than anything else ever had. 

It felt so fucking good that Cas didn’t even notice the car was approaching 100 miles per hour. When he did, he swore loudly and moved his foot from the gas, jostling Dean in the shuffle. “Off, I’m going to pull over. Take off your pants.”

Dean sat up with flushed cheeks. “Yeah? Can’t wait, Cas?” He started undoing his belt. “Oh, I’m clean, by the way. Haven’t been with anyone else, and I got tested that Monday after you asked me to. But I’m not open, gonna need a little help.”

One day, _one day_ Cas would have Dean somewhere where he could take his time, do things properly, the way he wanted to. But getting half of what he wanted was better than none, so he pulled the car as far off the road as it would go and slammed the gearshift in park. He got out, checking their surroundings and grabbing the small bottle of lube from his bag in the trunk of the car, then got into the back seat and pushed his slacks down to his ankles. The leather felt cold on his bare skin, but if anything, it was keeping him grounded. “Get back here, _now.”_

Dean chuckled and climbed back without pants or shoes, straddling Cas’ lap and rutting their hard cocks together. “Look... he missed you.”

“I missed him, too.” Cas wrapped his hand around Dean’s cock, neglecting his own on purpose and pulled Dean into a kiss that sent heat coursing through his body. He stroked slowly, his grip tight and thumb swiping over the tip. “Haven’t even had this car for a day and we’re already going to christen it.”

“Sounds about right.” Dean thrust into Cas’ hand. “C’mon, open me up so I can ride you.”

The moan that came out of Cas was accidental and borderline embarrassing, and his cock throbbed uselessly against his stomach. He fumbled for the lube and popped the cap open, soaking his fingers and tossing it back onto the seat. Cas knew he needed to keep himself in check, so he leaned his head back against the seat and slid his hand between Dean’s legs to toy with his hole. “You can be as loud as you want this time.”

“Yeah?” Dean bit his lip and tried to push into Cas’ finger. “Gonna have to stick somethin’ in there if you wanna hear me moan, baby.”

Cas raised an eyebrow and pulled his hand back, moving it back to Dean’s length. The lube was noisy, and allowed him to simply squeeze and let physics do the rest. “I put up with your brattiness the last couple of times because I’d wanted you so long I couldn’t help it. Now…” He pressed his thumb into Dean’s slit and flashed a small smirk. “You’ll ask nicely, or I’ll simply get back on the road.”

“C’mon, Cas. Fuck me... I want you... need you... please.” Dean was pouting — actually pouting — over the need to get fucked.

He didn’t think he’d ever get used to hearing the word ‘please’ out of Dean’s mouth in any context, so despite the fact that he couldn’t sense if there was sarcasm involved or not, Cas nudged a single finger inside Dean. “Oh, is this what you want?”

“Mmhmm.” Dean moved his hips in a circle, his heavy cock bouncing on Cas’ stomach. “Burns so good, Cas.”

Cas’ pupils dilated as he curled his finger, then added a second. “Say it, Dean. Tell me how bad you want it.” _Tell me you want it as bad as I do._

“Want it so bad I wanna skip the fucking prep and let you split me open. C’mon, Cas... let me ride that beautiful cock.” He started riding Cas’ fingers, tossing his head back with a groan.

As insanely, stupidly hot as that was... Cas had no interest in hurting Dean. He closed his fist around Dean’s length and carefully added a third finger inside him, scissoring and pumping them as Dean continued to move. “I can prep you all I want, but I’m still going to split you open.”

“I know.” Dean huffed a laugh and messily licked his lips. “Love how thick your cock is, Cas.”

Cas kept going until he’d reached his own breaking point and pulled his fingers out, reaching again for the lube and twitching when he realized he’d finally be going in bare. The anticipation drew a moan from him and he took his time slicking his cock, watching Dean through hooded eyes. “Think you can take it? I need you, Dean.”

“Fuck yeah, hold it steady so I can sink down.” As soon as Cas was lubed and ready, Dean finally sank down on Cas, groaning at the stretch when he pushed past his tight muscles.

For all Cas’ attempts at dragging it out and enjoying it, that plan went out the window pretty quickly. The moment he realized Dean’s body was done fighting him, he planted his feet and gripped Dean’s hips, pistoning up into him with grunts almost as needy as Dean’s words. 

“Ah, fuck!! Cas!” Dean gripped the seats behind Cas’ head and started riding through the pain. Cas could see the moment pleasure took over and Dean’s mouth went slack. “So full... fuck I l— ah, fuck, Cas!” Dean’s flush was absolutely beautiful, and his freckles shone like stars at midnight.

The cars passing did nothing to distract Cas; nothing in the world could. The way Dean’s ass was gripping his cock was too good, and the memory of Dean’s mouth on him wasn't helping. He felt heat pooling in his gut way too soon, and found himself stroking Dean almost violently. “Fuck — Dean — don’t… don’t stop, I finally get to come inside you.”

“Fuck yeah... Fill me up, Cas!” Dean tossed his head back and reached down, bumping Cas’ hand away so he could stroke himself quickly.

Cas bit his lip and placed a bruising grip on Dean’s hips as he lifted his own off the seat with each hammering thrust until the sight and feel of Dean pushed him over. He came hard, grunting and burying himself inside Dean. “Oh — _Dean!”_

Dean instantly followed, sinking all the way down and coming all over Cas’ dress shirt. It was one of his favorites, but in that moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

“Incredible.” He pulled Dean down to his chest and stayed inside him, brushing his fingers over Dean’s back with a sated smile. 

If they kept this up, they wouldn’t get home for a month… but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that, either. 


	11. I Heard It Through the Grapevine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually don't post additional trigger warnings after the initial tags are done, but this chapter includes quite a bit of homophobic language and just general shittyness.

**Dean**

The numbness Dean was feeling started to wear off about two hours in. He had hoped the first emotion he felt would be relief or happiness... definitely not panic. _Holy fuck. I’m fucking fired. People hate me. Abaddon might take me to court or some shit... Can she? Can she go to court and legally say ‘my client needed to stay in the closet and marry for publicity’? Was that even fucking legal?_ He hoped not. But that didn’t keep his breathing from becoming erratic as he stared out the window, pretending he was calm. _Cas is driving... play it cool, Dean. Inhale... exhale... what the hell kinda music is this?_ The radio had somehow switched from classic rock to some fucking new age ‘I’m not emo, I just have a lot of feelings’ type rock and _that_ definitely wasn’t helping his internal crisis. Dean flipped the station, hoping Cas didn’t notice the tremble in his hand.

But Cas knew him better than anyone else, and after about ten minutes of flicking his eyes from the road to Dean’s face, he finally asked. “Are you alright?”

Dean startled at the question and looked over. “Huh? Yeah... peachy. You? Are you alright?” _Talk faster asshat, he_ **_almost_ ** _understood that._

“Honestly? No.” Cas let out a breath and reached over to take Dean’s hand, keeping his eyes on the road in front of them. “I’m nervous. It’s worrying me that I haven’t heard from anyone yet. I don’t know what we’re driving into, and that... doesn’t sit well with me.”

 _Well... that didn’t help._ “What if everyone hates me? Can Abaddon sue me? I feel like I should be able to sue her, but she’s scary as fuck!”

Cas raised his eyebrow and glanced over at him. “Scarier than me?”

Dean nodded. “You’re not scary to me.” He smiled a little, knowing that didn’t used to be true. “I mean... you used to scare me, but really I would just get a fear boner.”

That drew a low laugh. “I noticed... and maybe once or twice, I did it on purpose.”

“Fucker, you probably did.” Dean rolled his eyes with a grin. “I might have let you see my ass more times than I needed.”

Cas let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you know how badly I’ve struggled over the last few years because of that? I used to think you were doing it purposefully for me, and then I realized you likely just enjoyed the attention.”

“I really only did it when you were there... if that helps.” Dean rubbed his stomach and looked out the window. “I’m gettin’ hungry. Can we eat soon?” It had only been about two and a half hours since Dean ate, but everyone knew he needed to be fed every hour.

He received a smile in response and a curt nod. “Of course, Dean.” Cas pulled off the next exit and drove around the small town until he found a diner. He parked and leaned forward, looking out the windshield like he was scoping the place out. “There aren’t many people here, which is probably for the best.”

“We gonna sit in there and eat?” Dean tried to remember the last time he sat in a restaurant and ate dinner. Normally, it was just delivered to his house.

Cas dragged his eyes away from the diner’s glass wall and back to Dean. “If you want. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, but this town is so small it doesn’t even have a red light. I can call in and get them to bring it out if that’s better.”

“No... let’s try it.” He reached out and grabbed Cas’ hand. “Would you go on a date with me? There’s this dingy ol’ restaurant in the middle of nowhere I’ve been dyin’ to try.” Dean smiled widely, trying to make the best out of their situation.

The heart eyes looked weird on Cas’ face, but in a good way. “It took you long enough to ask, honestly. Let’s go.”

“Ugh. Don’t get used to it, handsome.” Dean avoided everyone’s eyes and let Cas talk to the hostess. He hoped no one recognized him.

A moment later, Cas was lacing their fingers as they walked toward a booth around the corner. From there, most of the restaurant was out of sight, which meant _they_ were out of sight. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah... it’s okay.” Dean glanced nervously and then hid behind a menu. “Ooh, pie!” _Maybe the world isn’t goin’ to shit._

Cas’ long fingers snaked over the top of the menu and he gently pulled it down, smiling reassuringly. “You don’t need to hide, Dean. I’ve got you.”

 _I love that smile._ Dean smiled back, his eyes roaming every inch of Cas’ face. “I know you’ve got me.” He slowly reached out and took Cas’ hand.

“Good, then for now… you’re just a regular man, sitting down to eat dinner.” Cas glanced around what he could see of the diner and nodded to the menu. “And yes, you can eat all the pie you want… I certainly won’t stop you.”

“I want a burger and then pie. What about you?” Dean sat up straighter when the waitress came over and let Cas order for him. He pulled out his phone for the first time since they left and avoided her gaze. 

He had a few messages from Jo that said she loved him and a few from his bodyguards, all of those were them freaking out about where the hell he went. Before he could finish reading Jody’s texts, the waitress left and Dean set his phone aside. “Kinda nervous about looking on social media.”

Cas leaned his elbows on the table and let out a breath through his nose. “So don’t. Give yourself one day. We’ll get a motel, somewhere off the radar. Give yourself _one_ day as a regular human being before we worry about the fallout.”

“Alright.” Dean shut his phone off and pocketed it. “So, are you gonna ditch the suits now that we’re just regular guys?”

He immediately stiffened, but his shoulders relaxed quickly. “I suppose I’m not your bodyguard anymore. Well, I _am,_ but not in a professional capacity. Would you prefer me without the suit?”

Dean thought about it for a bit. He couldn’t decide. Seeing Cas comfortable was always nice, but he was hot as hell in his suits. “I’d prefer you naked.” He bit his lip and winked at Cas.

“I don’t think that’s advisable in public, Dean.” Cas shirked off his suit jacket and undid the buttons on his cuffs, then rolled his sleeves up just past his elbows. As he was loosening his tie, he tilted his head. “Compromise?”

Dean’s eyes devoured his arms and he licked his lips, slowly reaching out to run his fingers along Cas’ tattoos. “I want one.”

Cas turned his arm over so Dean could trace the other side. “A tattoo? You can get one. What would you get?”

“I dunno yet.” He thought about it. He used to have ideas, but now they seemed trivial. He wanted to get one with meaning.

The waitress came back over with their drinks and informed them their food would be right out. Cas watched her disappear back around the corner. “Well,” he said as he turned back to face Dean, “you’ve got time to figure it out. But there are things you need to decide before we get back home.”

“What kinda things?” Dean took a drink and licked his lips. He knew the decision he made today would impact a lot in his life, the main being his job. But when he focused on all the changes that were sure to come, he could feel the panic brewing in his chest.

Cas held him steady with his gaze and spoke low. “Mainly, you need to decide if you want to continue with your career or not. If you do, there’s going to be a fight ahead of us... but we’ll fight it.”

“I...” Did he? Did he really want to be part of an industry that tried to mute who people truly were? That focused on how things looked instead of how things should be? He wasn’t so sure anymore. Dean stared down at his hands on the table, trying to find one good reason to remain an actor.

“It’s okay not to know yet, Dean. I imagine the way the world reacts to your admission will play a big part, but it’s still something you’re going to need to decide for yourself in the end.” Cas’ watch chirped and he glanced down at it, his face paling quickly. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean sat up straighter, staring at Cas’ face.

Cas clenched his jaw and pulled out his phone, rapid-fire typing out a message and setting it down. “Nothing out of the ordinary, honestly.” The waitress returned with their food and went on her way, and Cas nodded to his plate. “Eat.”

Dean could feel something was wrong, but he had a feeling it would fuck with his appetite, so he listened. He picked at his near flavorless food in a way he never did and after ten minutes of complete silence, and Cas taking one damn bite of food, he tossed his burger down. “Talk to me.”

Hesitation lined every inch of Cas’ face. “It was Sonny, he… Dean, it’s not great. Abaddon is furious, and the response from the social media videos that have been leaked…” He rolled his tongue through his lips and typed out something else. “It isn’t great.”

“Videos? Of me comin’ out?” Dean pushed his plate away slowly. He knew there would be tapes... Why did it make him so nauseous?

Cas nodded, finally setting his phone down and continuing to eat. “Dean, I promise you. Whatever happens… I _will_ keep you safe. No one’s opinion of you matters but yours.”

 _And yours._ “Okay... is it like... threat level midnight or lay low a bit until it blows over?”

“I honestly don’t know yet, Dean. It’s too soon, and I think we’re only seeing half of the story so far.” He ate another fry and took a sip. “I’m always on high alert when it comes to you, so if it makes you feel better… my personal response to this won’t change either way.”

The waitress brought their pie and Dean instantly asked for a box. He couldn’t sit here anymore, he felt like the walls were closing in and everyone was watching him. “Oh my god... you’re Dean Winchester!” She exclaimed, and Dean’s eyes nearly flew from their sockets. The last thing he needed was to talk to a fan, or worse; not a fan... Someone that hated him. 

“No," he squeaked out, seconds before jumping up and running out of the diner.

Cas followed quickly, getting into the car a moment after Dean. He didn’t say a word as he pulled out onto the road and sped off.

Dean stared out the window, completely forgetting that he had wanted to drive. He wasn’t in the right mind frame, regardless. He took deep shaky breaths, trying to compose himself.

Twenty minutes later when they were safely back on the highway and heading North, Cas let out a breath and seemed to relax. “You don’t need to run away every time someone recognizes you, Dean. I don’t think she posed a threat to you.” 

“I couldn’t breathe.” He blushed, feeling like a child. “I’m sorry.” Dean didn’t even know why he was apologizing, it just felt... normal. He’d spent his whole life apologizing for being him, but things were different with Cas. He didn’t need to apologize anyore, Cas lov— _liked_ him for him. So, why _was_ he apologizing? “I forgot the pie.”

Cas smiled and pointed to the GPS. “Find another diner close. We’ll call ahead and order pie, and we’ll have them bring it out. And Dean… don’t apologize for feeling things during this. You’re entitled to react however you choose… All I can do is try to help you process and figure out what may or may not be an overreaction.”

Dean nodded and decided to wait on the pie. He was too upset and pie deserved him at his best. “Thank you.” _For seeing me for me and still caring._ “For... being you.” He held out his hand for Cas’.

“I think that’s the first time you, or anyone else for that matter, has ever said that to me.” Cas took his hand and adjusted his grip on the wheel. “But I’ll take it.”

“Well... people are idiots.” Dean smiled and lifted Cas’ hand to kiss it. “Can we find somewhere with cassette tapes so we can get some good music in here?”

Cas shifted to try and steal a peek into the backseat. “I think it came with some? There was a box back there, see if you can find it. I have no idea what’s in there but if you don’t like any of it, I’m sure there’s a record store somewhere that might have some.”

Dean looked back and had to turn around to grab the box. “Whoever you bought this from is awesome. Wanna hear some classics, Cas?” He slipped in a tape and hit rewind. “We actually have to rewind it. This shit is beautiful.”

“You can thank Ashton, actually. This was… well, nevermind. I’m happy you approve.”

“Guess that asshat is alright.” He pressed play and smiled at how it sounded when the music kicked on. “You seem like a Jovi type. Tell me I’m right.”

Cas chuckled quietly and started mouthing the words to _Shot Through the Heart._ “Yes. I don’t mind them as a group, though John himself is a little… upbeat for me.”

Dean leaned over and kissed his cheek. “You’re awesome, Cas. Fucking awesome.” He looked out the window and hummed along. “Bon Jovi rocks... on occasion.”

“A lot of bands rock on occasion. My father had a running joke about bands like the Moody Blues. He called them ‘considerate rockers’ because they ‘considered rocking’. It used to infuriate me.” 

“That actually makes a lot of sense. Is he... still around?” Dean asked, realizing he’d never asked about Cas’ family before.

He nodded, tapping his thumb on the steering wheel. “Yes, though I haven’t seen him since I came home from my final tour of duty, which was a couple of months before I started working for you.”

“There a reason for that? Or just me over workin’ you?” He lowered the music and leaned his head against Cas’ shoulder. “Sorry I’ve never asked.”

Cas kissed his hair. “I was overworked by choice, Dean. How many times did you tell me to take vacation and I refused? I didn’t trust your safety to anyone else enough to go home for any length of time, and both of my parents dislike California. We’re also... not close. We were when I was younger, but by the time I was discharged I was a very different person.”

“Well... I’m on vacation... kinda. We can go see ‘em if you want. No pressure, but I kinda wanna see Adam.” He had been thinking of his half-brother a lot recently, and wondered if he’d heard the news yet.

Cas fidgeted with his sleeve and nodded, flicking his eyes toward the GPS. “We can go see Adam. We should rest first, it’s getting late.”

“Alright.” Dean sat up and pulled out his phone. Once it turned on, he searched for the nearest hotel. “Should we go for one of the smaller motels instead of a nice hotel? To stay off the radar?”

“That would make things easier for me, but are you ready for that type of a sacrifice? Most motels are… seedy, to say the least.”

“I got the best bodyguard in the world by my side. M’fine.” Dean offered a forced smile, and when they finally made their way inside a room, he was anything _but_ fine. _Time to test those acting skills._ “See... we’re fine.”

**Castiel**

Not one part of Cas believed him, but that was simply because he’d spent enough years with him to know the things that would make Dean uncomfortable on a fundamental level. The motel they’d chosen wasn’t horrible; it had basic amenities and was cleaner than Cas could’ve hoped for, but it was… small. Cramped, even, and one of the reasons Dean had chosen the house he had was because it was so spacious. 

Appreciating the effort Dean was putting forward, Cas pulled him into a hug once they got their bags settled. “It’s only for a night. Get some sleep and you can drive tomorrow.”

“Yeah? So I was... good?” Dean leaned back to see Cas’ face and bit his lip.

His watch chirped again, but Dean was too enticing to look away from. Cas kissed him quickly, growling and then stepping away from him. “Yes, you were. Now go to bed.” He checked his gun and then locked the door and drew the curtains closed.

Dean eyed him a moment before he disappeared into the bathroom. “I’ll go to bed, but can I shower first?“

“Of course.” Cas nodded, and when Dean started the water, Cas finally looked at the message he’d received. 

**Sonny: Six more just came in, you keep that boy safe.**

_As if I need to be told._ Cas closed his eyes briefly and wondered if he hadn’t made a terrible, grievous mistake by running off with Dean. That made two dozen death threats in just a few hours, and while Cas was used to the occasional crazed fan or ‘hater’ sending threats, this was already out of hand. And in Castiel’s experience, the homophobes were infinitely more volatile and dangerous. _And stupid, can’t forget that._

Cas rubbed his jaw and paced the room, pulling off his tie completely and tossing it on the dresser. He was still trying to work out how he was supposed to sleep and keep Dean safe at the same time when the man himself finally came out of the bathroom.

He had a towel wrapped around his waist and eyed Cas like he could see right through him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, other than the fact that no one on Earth has the right to be as good looking as you are.” Cas unashamedly checked him out, which only made his predicament worse. _I’m not going to be able to touch him, either._

“Yeah?” Dean tilted his head and slid a thumb in the top of the towel. “Think so, Cas?” He pulled it off completely and stood there watching Cas’ eyes roam every inch of his body.

Heat coursed through him, heat and _need._ But doing anything sexual with Dean would mean pulling his attention away from keeping him safe, and that wasn’t an option. “You’re truly incredible, Dean. Every inch of you.”

Dean took slow deliberate steps towards Cas. “M’all yours.” When he reached Cas, he started unbuttoning his dress shirt, their eyes locked together as the world around them started to disappear.

Cas could feel alarms ringing in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t until the last button was undone that he listened to them. “Dean,” he started, wrapping his fingers around Dean’s hands. “You need to sleep.”

“I’ll sleep after.” Dean dropped to his knees and pulled at Cas’ slacks.

He put his hand on Dean’s forehead and tried to remain calm, even though his body was betraying him. Cas chuckled nervously, trying to keep his demeanor light. “Consider me on duty right now.”

“You’re not on duty anymore, Cas. We’re just... together.” He sat back on his heels and glanced up. _“He_ doesn’t seem to be on duty.” Dean pointed at the bulge in Cas’ pants.

Cas pointedly ignored it, despite the way his breathing was becoming shallow and hitched just from the sight of Dean in such a submissive position. “I can’t fault him for finding you insanely attractive, Dean. But I _can_ let my common sense dictate what happens here, and common sense says I will always be on duty when it comes to keeping you safe. Go to bed.” _Please don’t go to bed. Please go to bed. Please don’t go to bed. Shit, I don’t even know what I want._

Dean stayed down there, staring up at Cas for far too long before he finally stood and walked over to his suitcase.

 _Damnit._ He tilted his head against the wall and fixed his pants, adjusting himself and squeezing his fully hard cock. “Please don’t be angry with me.”

“Not angry.” He pulled on some boxers and then set the suitcase aside. “Doin’ what you told me to do.” Dean climbed under the covers and sighed. “Will you at least lay with me?”

Cas took a moment to gauge how tired he was, and the likelihood of him falling asleep if he laid with Dean. He thought he felt alright, so he grabbed his gun from the dresser next to him and set it on the bedside table before crawling into the bed behind Dean.

“Thanks. Night, Cas.” Dean closed his eyes and rolled on his side.

He slid his hand down Dean’s side and around to his stomach, then kissed the back of his head. “Sleep well.”

Dean’s breathing eventually evened out, and Cas slid out of bed as carefully as he could and made his way over to the window. He created a small gap to peer out of and let his eyes sweep over the empty parking lot. 

Satisfied that no one was creeping up on them, Cas took a seat at the small desk and grabbed his phone. _Just look, it’s better to be informed than to be blindsided. Just… look._

He started with his texts, shooting off quick ones to Jody, Benny, and Cole letting them know Dean was safe. Cas assumed they’d take care of telling Henry, and then his focus shifted to Sonny. He sent a brief summary of what had happened and where they were, but pointedly left out their exact location. _Better safe than sorry._

The next logical thing to do was check social media, and to review the email Sonny had sent him detailing some of the more credible threats made against Dean. Neither sounded like appealing options, but he started with social media. 

A quick search for Dean’s name on Twitter had his stomach rolling uncomfortably. 

_“I can’t believe they’d let a sinner be on a family show! I hope someone sends him to hell where he belongs!”_

Cas wanted to respond and point out that soap operas were hardly ‘family shows,’ but knew better than to engage homophobes. He kept going, scrolling through negative comment after negative comment. 

_“Poor Jo, that angel didn’t deserve to be tied to such an asshole for so many years.”_

_“Shame about Dean Winchester, and here I actually looked up to the guy. Big mistake.”_

_“That faggot will get his.”_

That last one had Cas slamming his phone on the wood so hard he thought he’d cracked the screen. Dean jerked and mumbled in his sleep, but rolled over and seemed to quickly doze off again. 

“Okay,” Cas whispered to himself. “Just open the damn email, Corporal.” He switched to his email and circled his thumb over the one from Sonny, and finally clicked it.

It was a compilation of threats made directly to Dean’s staff and social media inboxes, as well as some of the more explicit posts. Each one gave details on the person who made the threat and the FPCON level Sonny attributed to each. _Any of them, any that aren’t Normal, are a danger… but please let there be more Alphas than Deltas._ He paled when he saw how long the list truly was. 

_“If i ever see that fag on the street, I’ll end him myself.”_

  * Kipling Anderson, 32, Lawrence KS — Alpha 



_“Times like this I’m glad I live in America where it is my right to carry my gun. Let me run into that gay soap star one day, I’ll do us all a favor.”_

  * Fergus Crowley, 47, Los Angeles CA — Charlie 



_“We’ll see how much he likes things up his ass when I get my rifle up there.”_

  * Gordon Walker, 55, location TBD — Charlie



_“That girl didn’t deserve what you did to her. I’m coming for you, Winchester. And you bet your fucked ass I’m not the only one.”_

  * Raphael Montague, 36, Birmingham AL — Delta



On and on it went, with at least a handful being at FPCON Charlie or Delta, the two worst. _Yes, Sonny… I think it’s quite clear a threat to his life is imminent._

Cas responded to let Sonny know he understood and locked his phone, sitting in silence and darkness until Dean finally stirred a few hours later. He’d spent those hours going from absolutely certain that he should get Dean out of the country, to thinking they needed additional backup and could still make it home, and just about every option in between. He still didn’t have a solution he was happy with, but he knew he couldn’t keep this information from Dean if he had any hope at all of actually keeping him alive. So, he braced himself to have the toughest conversation he’d had since he’d come home from the war.

Dean sat up, his eyes squinting at the low light. “Cas?” His voice was thick with sleep and probably more adorable than a basket full of puppies. “C’mere.”

Nothing on earth could stop him from trying to bring Dean as much comfort as he could before they needed to talk, so Cas stood up and stiffly made his way over to the bed. His own shirt was still open from Dean’s advances, and he deliberately didn’t speak, knowing his voice would give away his exhaustion and fear. He pulled Dean to his chest and kissed his forehead, humming a short greeting. 

“Mmm.” Dean nuzzled in close, his arms wrapping around Cas. “Yer comfy.”

Being virtually all muscle, that was also something Cas hadn’t heard often. He chuckled quietly and then realized he left his gun on the desk. “I appreciate that, but I need to go get my gun.”

“Why?” He moved so he could see Cas’ face. “Did you sleep at all, Cas?” Dean reached a hand up to rub Cas’ scruffy face.

He shook his head, knowing lying was useless. “No, I didn’t. I’ll sleep in the car, as long as you’re still up to drive.”

“Course. What’s wrong, Cas... did you talk to anyone?”

Cas licked his lips slowly, and unconsciously tightened his grip on Dean. “Yes and no. We need to have a conversation, but I think you should have some coffee first. When you’re ready, I’ll make you some.”

“Ready now.” Dean sat up with a sigh and walked to the bathroom to wash up. It only took him a few moments to walk back out, by which time Cas had the coffee brewing. “Talk to me, Cas. Please.” He shrugged on a t-shirt and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed.

They listened to the coffee maker sputter for a moment and then Cas handed the cup to Dean. “You’re a grown man, and as such, I refuse to lie to you about any of this. You’re stronger than most people think you are, and you deserve to know what’s happening. The response has been overwhelmingly negative, Dean. I’m not sure where all of the supporters in our community are, but they’re unusually quiet right now.”

Dean looked down at the cup in his hand, processing that information. “Probably hate me too since I denied who I was for so long... Alright, whatever. I’ll quit _Lives We Leave Behind._ I can probably find work somewhere else.” 

Cas knew Dean wasn’t understanding, and that he was actually going to have to say it. “It’s deeper than that, Dean. There are some…” _Just_ **_tell_ ** _him._ “There are some that want you dead. For the lie, for allegedly breaking Jo’s heart, for… well, for being gay.”

“Okay...” He looked up to meet Cas’ eyes and then sat up straighter. “It’s probably all talk, Cas. Do you think my life is really in danger?” Whatever Cas’ face was doing must have given Dean his answer, because he quickly looked down at his coffee again. “Okay...”

The last thing he wanted to do was scare Dean, but this wasn’t a time for sugar-coating anything. “Sonny himself deemed a few of the threats real and present dangers. You’ve had threats made against your life before, but nothing like this. Life is hard enough for regular people that come out of the closet, but to do so when you’ve spent over half your life in the public eye? Americans don’t take it lightly when their heroes no longer fit into their molds. They can turn in an instant, and when you add something as controversial as homosexuality… Yes, Dean. I believe your life is in danger. But with that being said, I would give my life for yours. I will do absolutely everything I can to keep you safe.”

“Let me see them.” Dean took a drink of coffee and stood up.

There was no point in hiding any of it, so Cas nodded once and handed Dean his phone. “You should remember that not only are these angry, petty people… but there is absolutely not one verse in the original version of the Bible that condemns homosexuality. All of the verses that Christians and other groups use were translations made to fit narratives, so there is no proof that you, or any other gay man for that matter… is a sinner.”

Dean nodded and started reading. His face may have been unreadable but his body language told Cas how he was feeling. His posture was tense and the veins in his arms were visible as he set his coffee aside. “I thought... maybe... someone would be happy for me. All I see is hate.”

“I’m happy for you, Dean. Jody and Benny and Cole and Ashton and Sonny are happy for you.” Cas stood, grabbing his gun and walking back over to him. “Jo is happy for you. The people that know you? The people that love you? We’re happy for you. The people on that screen... they don’t know you — not the real you. All they see is the perfect, bullshit image Abaddon created of Michael Havoc’s portrayer, and they hate the fact that you aren’t him. But you were never _meant_ to be him, Dean. You were meant to be _you,_ and _you_ are good enough.”

Dean handed his phone back and sat on the bed again. “They even threatened Havoc, Cas. What is wrong with people? It’s like I wasn’t allowed to be a human.”

“People like that don’t want a human, they want a robot. You are not responsible for living up to other people’s expectations of you, you’re responsible for living up to your own. Do you think you’ve done that by coming out? Are you being true to yourself?”

He nodded in response but seemed lost in his own head, and Cas was out of ways to combat that. He kissed Dean’s temple and got up to pack their bags, hoping to Hell that some time in a classic car on the open road would help Dean see that there are things that mattered more in life than public opinion. 


	12. Have You Ever Seen the Rain?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the NSFW art provided by the wonderful Blucifer in the next two chapters.

**Dean**

Cas didn’t fall asleep until they were an hour away from the motel. Dean could see how bad he needed it, but the poor guy was so worried about Dean he was putting his own needs second. It was admirable, and Dean appreciated it, but he was also worried about him. 

He looked so peaceful as he slept, making Dean steal glances every few minutes. It was probably the only thing that could make him smile at a time like this. 

Unfortunately for Dean, Cas sleeping left him to his thoughts...

_People actually want me dead. Why? Why would I deserve to die for finally learning to stand up for myself? I’m a good person. Yeah, I could have treated those close to me better. I’m a little spoiled… but I’m not a bad person that deserves to die. I just wanted people to love the real me. Straight people hate me for lying, gay people hate me for lying, everyone hates me._

Dean had to literally force himself to think of the few people on earth that actually loved him.

_Cas_

_Havoc, not a person but still counts_

_Jody_

_Jo_

_Benny_

_Cole, sometimes._

_Jask? Hardly. But at least J didn’t hate me._

_Sonny…_

_Adam._

The more time he had for his thoughts, the more he thought of his half brother. They used to speak every so often, but Adam prefered people didn’t know they were related, and Dean had to be understanding. 

Public eye blows. Even when you’re loved, it isn’t for who you are and when they see your true colors, they turn on you in the blink of an eye. Why would anyone _want_ to be famous? Dumb question, Dean knew why. Money and attention were addictive, and he’d let it get the best of him for years. He was willing to lose himself to try and remain Michael friggin Havoc, all for money and attention.

He saved a lot of money, so hopefully that helped, but the attention? He didn’t need it anymore. Havoc smothered him with attention all day and then there was Cas, his ridiculously hot bodyguard who gave him the best kind of attention… most of the time. Not last night. _Why did the asshat deny me? My safety? Doesn’t he know I will die if I don’t get fucked soon?_ Dean chuckled for the first time all day. _Wonder how he’d react if he woke up to me jerkin’ it while driving._

Before he could try, Cas peeked open one of his beautiful cerulean eyes and looked around. He must have felt there were no threats, because he closed his eye and went back to sleep. _Good. Get some sleep, Betty. You’re fuckin’ me today, somehow, some way._

A few hours later, Dean’s appetite was back in full force. He didn’t want to wake Cas, he still looked so damn tired. But if he didn’t eat soon, he would… probably be fine, not that he would believe that. “Cas…” Dean interlocked their fingers. “Cas… m’hungry.” He felt like a child, but he knew if he tried to pull over and sneak off for some food, Cas would flip his shit.

Cas sat up quickly and looked around almost wildly, checking their surroundings. He must’ve realized they were still safe and in the car, because he relaxed and looked down at their hands. “I’m sorry, Dean. Did you say something?”

“Yeah... didn’t wanna wake you but I’m hungry. I can drive through a place and you can go back to sleep, I just wanted to let you know.” Dean glanced over and gripped Cas’ hand. “You look adorable.”

Ah, there’s the bitchface. Cas cleared his throat and shook his head, pulling his hand back to rub his eyes. “No, I should eat, too. And I should be awake any time we stop, so it’s good that you woke me up. We can get fuel, food, and maybe find somewhere to stretch.”

“Sounds good. I saw a sign that said there would be food and gas five miles up.” Dean reached forward to put on some music and then grabbed Cas’ hand again. “I miss Havoc. He’s probably all I want from my old life. The rest can burn.” _Kinda like my name did the moment I came out._

Cas smiled lightly and nodded. “We’ll see what we can do about Havoc. Go ahead and get off at the exit. We need to stop and talk about where we’re even going, anyway.”

“We’re not goin’ home?” Dean glanced over to meet Cas’ eyes. _Course we’re not. Everything really would burn._

He shouldn’t have been surprised, but the realization he may never see his house again actually stung a little. He liked that damn house and all its damn windows. _Whatever, it’s just a house. You have another._

In a lot of ways, the cabin was better than the house. It was more secluded, less windows but even more cozy. It was already stocked with all Dean’s necessities, clothes, and even his favorite guitar. “What about the cabin? No one knows about it.” 

Cas thought about that a moment. “A few people know.”

“Yeah but not anyone that isn’t close to me. I never even told Jask it existed. Jo is the only person besides my bodyguards that knows.” _Come on, man. I just want to go somewhere I can feel at home._

The minutes dragged on again before Cas finally spoke up. “It could work. I think we should take our time getting there and maybe have someone check on the place first. Maybe Benny. We’ll think about it all, let’s get some food.” 

They ended up picking another diner, but Cas went in for take out instead this time and they found a nice park to sit at and eat their breakfast in the car. “I don’t care what time it is, breakfast is always acceptable.” Dean mumbled with his mouth full of french toast.

“I agree with the statement, not how you said it. I’ll never get used to you speaking with your mouth full,” Cas teased, and Dean could see the ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Ehh… you like me. All is well.” Dean winked and took another enormous bite.

“So it seems.” Cas was full on smiling now, so Dean took that as a win.

After a few more hours on the road and another pit stop for food, Dean finally convinced Cas to lay low at Adam’s for a few days. Hardly anyone knew Dean had a half brother and the ones that _did_ had no clue what his name was or where he lived. The house was big enough — regardless of how often they spoke, Dean always made sure Adam’s little family was taken care of. He hadn’t seen his nephew in years and had never met his niece. It felt like a good place to reset and come up with a plan.

They switched places so Cas could drive, and Dean had to come up with a way to kindly invite himself to stay at Adam’s house — even though they hadn’t spoken in a month. He nervously tapped his knee until Cas gripped his hand, giving him the strength to finally turn on his cell. 

He had a new message from Jo and even a few supportive texts from Jask — which made him smile — but the one that caught his eye was a text from Adam.

**Adam: Hey bro. I heard the news, I just wanted to tell you I’m here for you in any way you need. All you gotta do is call.**

_Well, that’s nice… and also, a good opening for the favor._

**Dean: Hey Adam. That means a lot, really.**

_No time to beat around the bush._

**Dean: Might be in your area soon… mind if I come by? I’d love to see the family.**

_Not too forward but also enough to get the point across._

It took nearly a full side of a Zeppelin tape for him to respond, but it was well worth the wait.

**Adam: Of course. I’ll get the spare room ready.**

Dean grinned and looked over at Cas. “Adam said it’s all good. He’ll prepare the spare room.”

“That was quick. But good. We’re still quite a few hours away from his house, we’ll have to stop somewhere else for the night… but it’s good to have a destination in mind.” Cas fidgeted with his tongue ring and it clacked against his teeth. “Do you feel better?”

“Yeah...” _Better fuck me tonight though._ “I’ll look up another motel like the last one.” _But hopefully better._

It took him a while, but he finally found a decent one less than an hour out. “Think we can make it another 40 minutes before we call it a night?”

Cas nodded, leaning back in his seat again. “Can you? I should try and sleep.”

“Of course.” Dean kissed his hand and told him to just pull off right there so they could switch. Wanted Dead or Alive came on the radio, so Dean put it up and sang to Cas. “There’s your lullaby, baby. Sleep good.”

He raised a single eyebrow as he settled back into the passenger seat. “I’m not a baby.”

“Aww... thought you’d be my baby. Too cheesy?” Dean ruffled his hair and sat up straight.

Cas wrinkled his nose and closed his eyes. “Keep trying. I liked Betty better.”

He shook his head with a smile and kept the music low, lip-synching along to keep his mind from wandering to his hate mail. Cas fell asleep pretty fast, and all too soon they were pulling into the motel. Dean decided to let Cas sleep a while longer and parked as quietly as he could.

That lasted about forty-five seconds, the lack of movement must’ve alerted some part of Cas’ brain because he sat up, looking completely awake. “I’ll go get the key.” 

Dean huffed a laugh. “I’ll just... wait here.” 

While Cas was inside, Dean grabbed the bags and waited, leaning against the car. Standing felt good, his legs were sick of the car but he definitely found a new love of driving on this road trip.

A few moments later, Cas came back looking grumpy but holding the key. “That woman was… unpleasant. Come on.” He helped with the bags and opened the door, checking the place out quickly before letting Dean inside. Cas locked the door behind them and pulled the curtains shut before setting his gun down. “Did you give Adam an ETA?”

“Yeah, I did. He said any time is fine, just to call if it’s late at night. The kids would be in bed, but I can see them in the morning. I’m excited.” Dean started stripping off his clothes. “Gonna deny me again, Cas?” He undid his belt and slowly slid his jeans down.

Cas devoured him with his eyes and nodded once. “Unfortunately, yes. You’d have had better luck in the car.”

 _Goddammit._ “Alright, then.” 

Dean got some lube out of the bag and pulled down his boxers. _I’ll do it myself._ He started stroking himself slowly, his eyes fluttering closed. “Cas... mmmm.”

“Seriously? You can’t even go to the bathroom?” Cas sounded pained already, and his eyes were glued to Dean’s hand.

Dean ignored him, continuing to stroke himself and moan Cas’ name. He pictured Cas storming over and nudging his legs apart, sliding inside quickly to fuck the brat out of him. “Ah, shit... fuck me, Cas.”

Cas swore under his breath and kept watching him, but the fucker didn’t move despite the tent in his pants. “It looks like you’re doing fine by yourself.”

“Not talkin’ to you, talking to Cas. My Cas. The one that pins me down and fucks me like it’s the last thing he’ll do.” Dean groaned and sped up. “Fuckin’ manhandles me like it’s his fucking job. Ah, shit, Cas... don’t stop.”

The _other_ Cas rubbed his palm over his crotch and stayed still, clenching his jaw. “Far be it from me to interrupt, then. But if you’re pretending it’s me, the least you could do is move your hand right.”

Dean smirked and changed up his movement. “Like this?”

“No, and now you’re doing it wrong on purpose.” Cas bit the ball of his tongue ring and walked over, moving Dean’s hand away and taking over. He twisted his hand, swiping his tongue over Dean’s leaking tip and squeezed, picking up the pace. “To be fair, I’d have my cock buried in you at the same time, but… we can’t always get what we want.”

“Ah, fuck!” Dean gripped the bed happily. “Fuck yeah, Cas. Don’t stop. M’close.”

Cas kept going until Dean was grunting and arching off the bed, then abruptly pulled his hand back. “I thought you’d have learned by now to be nicer about it.” He wiped his lubed hand on his dress pants and walked back over to his gun, field stripping it.

“Goddammit... Cas... please. C’mon...” Dean didn’t give a fuck if he sounded needy, because he was. “Please.” He gripped his own cock and started stroking again.

The gun was put back together faster than should’ve been possible and Cas was hovering over him, kissing him hard as he moved Dean’s hand and took over. “Then come for me, Dean.”

“Cas!” Dean grunted and within a minute he was emptying all over his stomach. _Fuckin’ finally!_ He collapsed on the bed with a sated sigh. “Fuck... Thanks.”

It was hard to tell if Cas was pissed or not, but he went to get Dean a towel and brought it back to clean him up. He hesitated before making contact and leaned down, licking up the mess and groaning quietly before righting himself and tossing the towel onto Dean’s stomach. “Go to sleep.”

“Let me suck you off, Cas. I wanna taste you. You can hold your gun and watch the door.” Dean sat up and grabbed his boxers.

Cas shook his head. “No, because there’s no way I’ll be watching anything but your mouth. Your safety right now is more important than me getting off, now go to sleep.”

Dean got up and went to the bathroom. _This shit sucks._ All he wanted was to be free with Cas, and it was even worse than it used to be. 

He washed up, and then went to bed.

**Castiel**

Cas watched Dean climb into bed with a heavy heart and a cock so hard he could barely see straight. The taste of him still lingered on Cas’ tongue, and all at once he hated himself for licking him clean. _Yes, because I had to make this worse for myself. And now he’s probably angry with me._ He tilted his head back against the wall and ran his thumb over the length of his gun, trying to remind himself that this wouldn’t last forever and if Dean could just hold out a little longer, Cas wouldn’t need to be so reserved. _I’m sorry, Dean. I love you too much to be selfish._

Dean didn’t ask for him this time, which only made Cas feel worse — but at least it took care of the pulsing thing in his pants. He spent the rest of the night looking through more threats and more posts, then tried to convince Jody he had things under control. Part of him wanted the extra help, but the more people they had with them, the more conspicuous they’d be. So what if he’d barely slept at all in that car? As long as Dean kept driving, they’d be fine. 

Probably.

When the sun started peeking through the crack in the curtains, Cas began making coffee. The machine was old and louder than the last, but he managed to get the first few sips into his system and Dean’s cup mostly brewed by the time he heard movement from the bed. 

Dean sat up and looked over at Cas with a sleepy expression. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning. How do you feel?” Cas grabbed the coffee and brought it to the bed, sitting on the edge.

“Okay... Missed you.” Dean sat next to him and rested his forehead against Cas’ shoulder.

Cas kissed his head and handed him his coffee. “I’m sorry. It won’t always be this way.”

“Hope not. Eventually you’re gonna have to put the gun down and fuck your boyfriend.”

It took a second for the word to sink in, but even once it did, he assumed Dean was still half asleep. That didn’t stop his stomach from flipping and dropping right down to his cock, though. He chuckled, trying to play off his reaction. “I still might not put the gun down, but I promise I’ll do my very best not to shoot you.”

“Geez, Marine.” Dean chuckled and took a long sip of coffee. “Think we can hit Adam’s by tonight?”

They only had a few hours left to drive, so it was probable. “That depends on how many times you stop for food.” Cas smirked and stood up, nodding his head toward the gun. “Do you know how to use one? I need to shower.”

“Yeah, point and shoot. The bad guys will explode right?” Dean turned to meet Cas’ gaze, biting back a smile.

Cas rolled his eyes as he took off his shirt. “Yes, Dean. They explode. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He disappeared into the bathroom, stripped the rest of the way while the water warmed up, then wasted no time getting in. Every fiber of his body wanted to come, but he knew he didn’t have time. He also didn’t believe Dean truly knew how to use a gun, so he didn’t linger a moment longer than necessary. He came out in a towel with his hair sticking up in odd directions and relaxed when he saw Dean was fine.

Dean had finished his coffee and made his way over. “You smell better," he teased, tweaking one of Cas’ nipples.

“Very funny.” He motioned toward the bathroom and dropped his towel. “Feel free, you don’t exactly smell great either.”

“I smell awesome, thank you very much.” He stripped his boxers off and climbed into the shower.

Cas frowned, wondering why Dean had so much more of an effect on him than he had on Dean. _Right, because one of us is in love, and the other has a lot of shit going on and happens to be stuck with someone he used to complain about constantly._ He huffed to himself and got dressed, once again skipping the suit jacket.

Dean came out in his towel again, but finally didn’t tease Cas. He dressed quickly and started packing. “Can you teach me?” He pointed at the gun.

“I’m going to have to, there are going to be times when you have to protect yourself. Like when I’m in the shower.” Cas brought the gun to him and showed him quickly, starting with the safety. “The key is to squeeze with your whole hand when you pull the trigger.”

Dean watched the gun but was quickly distracted. Cas could feel the moment he lost his attention, and watched those beautiful green eyes travel up his forearm all the way to his eyes. Nothing could deny the raw palpable tension between them. “You’re... fuckin’ hot, Cas. Is a gun kink a thing? Cause you with that gun has me...” He cleared his throat and shook his head, looking back at the gun. “Sorry.”

Cas set the gun down carefully and turned to face Dean, bringing his hands up to Dean’s face. Moments like this he hated the fact that Dean was taller, because the effort of sweeping him into a kiss was decidedly less sexy than he’d hoped — but the second their lips met, he didn’t care anymore. He kissed Dean slowly but with all the certainty he felt in his bones, then pulled back. “Don’t apologize, Dean. And yes, I suppose it could be a kink.” He grinned, dropping his hands and picking up the firearm again. “Now, repeat back to me what I’ve told you.”

“You told me not to apologize... oh, the gun. Yeah, um... squeeze with my whole hand. Two hands, because this isn’t a damn movie, umm... mind the kick because it’s a 45 and apparently those have a hard kick... Was that it?”

He nodded once, holstering it. “That’s enough, at least until we can get you some practical training. And I feel obligated to remind you not to shoot unless you absolutely have to.”

“Yes, Sir. Food?” Dean smiled annoyingly wide, like he always did when he wanted something.

Cas melted a little and grabbed the bags. “Yes, and I’ll try to stay awake this time. I’ll feel more comfortable when we’re at Adam’s.”

“Nah, once I eat you need to get sleep. I’ll be fine for a few hours. We can even just get more food at this stop so we don’t have to stop again.”

Happy that Dean seemed to be making clear-headed decisions, Cas didn’t argue. They loaded up the car, Cas dropped the room key in the box outside the lobby, and then tried to get comfortable in the passenger seat. “Can we listen to something other than Meatloaf this time?”

“Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.” He winked at Cas and slid in a tape.

 _Well, at least it isn’t Meatloaf._ Cas was starting to feel the exhaustion and routed the GPS to the nearest diner. “What do you want?”

“Meat. All the meat... and pie.”

Cas sighed heavily. He called the diner and ordered enough food to get them through the day as Dean stopped to get gas. Cas pumped as he tried to explain to the woman on the phone that he was absolutely serious that he needed two full pies, and that chocolate didn’t count. By the time the tank was full and he’d gotten a confirmation from the lady that their food would be ready when they got there, he was back in the car, looking harassed.

“What’s wrong, Betty?” Dean rubbed his knee. “You okay?”

“I’m fine, I just wish people understood chocolate pie is _not_ pie.” He flipped his barbell between his teeth and stared at Dean’s hand on his leg, suddenly aware of how heavy his balls were. “It should be ready when we get there.”

“Chocolate pie is just pudding. They have any cherry?” Dean kept his eyes on the road and dragged his tongue across his bottom lip. He probably didn’t even realize he was doing it, but Cas sure did.

 _He’s going to kill me, and he’s barely touching me._ Cas looked out the window, focusing on the whir of trees passing instead of his own increasing heart rate. “Yes,” he finally said. “They had cherry and apple. I ordered one of each.”

“Have I told you how awesome you are? Cause you’re awesome.” He interlocked their fingers and kissed the back of Cas’ hand.

Part of him wanted to ask Dean if he’d been serious about the ‘boyfriend’ comment, but a much larger part of him was too afraid to hear the answer. He’d known Dean for years; he knew exactly how hungry for attention he was, and that little nagging voice in the back of Cas’ mind kept trying to convince him that for Dean, that’s all this was. Just someone soaking up a never-ending stream of attention and trying to make the most of an extremely shitty situation. The problem was, even if that was the case… Cas didn’t care. He might not be selfish enough to prioritize getting off over Dean’s well-being, but he couldn’t convince himself not to take full advantage of Dean’s affection while it was still directed like a beam of light in a sea of black right at him. _I’m the luckiest man in America, even if it’s only temporary._

When they arrived at the diner, Cas went in to get the food. The hostess gave him an odd look but didn’t say much as he paid and made his way hastily back outside, only relaxing when he was back in the car and no longer out of Dean’s sight. The bags rustled as he dug through them and handed Dean his burger. 

“Thanks, handsome.” Dean did kissy lips and waited for Cas to give him a kiss, and that wasn’t something Cas was about to deny. 

He kissed him quickly and ignored the rush through his veins at even such a simple gesture, then busied himself with eating before he said something incredibly stupid.

Dean stuffed his face as usual and then looked over with worried eyes. “I gotta pee. You think I can be in and out without being spotted?”

That wasn’t a chance Cas was willing to take, so he shook his head as he removed the bags from his lap and searched for places to put them. “No, I’ll go with you.”

“Okay.” Dean waited for Cas to get situated and then followed him inside, his sunglasses on and eyes on the floor.

It was a regular bathroom with one sink and a single toilet, so Cas waited outside as Dean did what he needed to do. He was pleased that no one seemed to be looking twice at Dean, but his own attire was drawing attention and he made a mental note to wear jeans next time. 

Dean came out wiping his wet hands on his jeans. “No paper towels.” He touched Cas with a wet finger and laughed when he pulled away.

“You’re a child.” Cas followed him back out, relieved when they were once again back in the Impala. “Are we good now?”

“Yup. Time for you to nap and me to have my own quiet rock concert.” He flipped through the tapes with his bottom lip between his teeth.

Cas stole one more kiss before settling back down and closing his eyes. The sun was shining through the window and casting a red-orange glow over his eyelids, so he didn’t imagine he’d get much sleep... but just being able to relax and not be hyper-focused on their surroundings was nice. 

He listened to Dean singing quietly and tried not to smile, feigning sleep, but when he started into a Bob Seger song, Cas couldn’t fight a sleepy smile.

Dean kept singing like he didn’t have a care in the world, his hand on Cas’ knee unless he was rocking out on his air drums.

The words _‘I love you’_ were ready to tumble right out of Cas’ mouth, but he was saved by a sudden jerk of the car as Dean hit the brakes. Cas sat bolt upright and glanced around in time to see a rabbit hopping off to the other side of the road.

“Thumper’s on a suicide mission! Damn thing! Sorry, Cas. Lie back down.”

No, that made it worse. Cas stared at Dean, exactly tired enough to say something stupid. “I love you...r concern for wildlife. I’m sure Thumper’s family will be thrilled to see him come home.” He grimaced at the poor save, and sunk back down into the seat. 

Dean glanced over and had a small unreadable smirk on his lips. “I _love_ how you always know what to say to make me feel better.”

Cas grumbled to himself, wondering why he was so scared to actually say it. Whether or not Dean felt the same wasn’t really an issue, because _Cas_ absolutely felt that way, and Dean deserved to know… but getting the words out was harder than he thought. He closed his eyes again and this time, nearly forced himself to go to sleep instead of staying awake to dwell on his thoughts. 

Whatever rest he would have gotten was interrupted rather quickly as what started out as a pleasant dream suddenly turned much darker. 

_“Wait, that’s Dean Winchester!”_

_“You’re shitting me, you mean that faggot that cheated on Jo?”_

_“He didn’t cheat, weren’t you morons listening?”_

_Cas tried to guard Dean as the rapidly thickening crowd came closer. His eyes darted toward the exits, but both were blocked by angry fans. Try as he might, Cas couldn’t remember what on Earth had possessed them to attempt a public appearance, but the situation was quickly deteriorating._

_“Dean, come with me.” Cas tried to pull Dean toward the shadows the stage curtains offered, but Dean wouldn’t budge._

_“No, Cas. Fuck it, I’m so goddamn tired of hiding. They wanna pound of flesh, let ‘em take it — maybe then I can take a fucking piss without my douchebag bodyguard holdin’ it for me.”_

_The words stung, but Cas knew he didn’t have time to dwell on them. Several people made their way forward and broke through the barrier separating them from the stage, and all of Cas’ efforts to physically pull Dean away went unnoticed._

_It was as though he had no strength at all, and his fingers brushed uselessly off Dean’s arm as they were overrun by a screaming, pissed off mob._

_Cas reached for his gun, but all he felt was empty space. “Dean! Where’s my — do you have my — DEAN?”_

_He was completely lost, swallowed in the crowd. Cas pushed his way through, but for every person he got past, three more appeared in his way._

_Dean seemed to realize these people weren’t his friends and cried out for Cas, his eyes wide and desperate as he was dragged to the ground and out of sight._

_Thunder raged in Cas’ mind as he clawed and scratched at the hoard of attackers, but nothing he did made a difference. He took a swing at a man who pulled a knife, but his fist glanced harmlessly off the contorted, fury-lined features._

_“He’s gonna get what’s comin’ to him, and I’m gonna be the one to do it. There’s nothin’ you can do to stop me.”_

_“No!” Cas screamed, surging forward one last time. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, and one by one he threw the attackers off Dean until he could finally see him again, but he wasn’t moving. “Dean! Dean! Talk to me, wake up! Wake up! Wake —“_

“Cas! Goddamnit, wake up!”

He jerked violently, sweat coating his forehead and soaking his shirt. His heartbeat was so loud in his ears he could barely hear Dean next to him, but he _could_ hear him. _It was just a dream. Just a dream._ “Shit. I’m… where are we?”

They were parked in front of a decent-sized house in the middle of a cookie-cutter neighborhood, but Cas was still having trouble adjusting to reality. He gripped Dean’s hand and looked into those gorgeous green eyes in an attempt to ground himself. 

“Cas, what the hell happened?”

He shook his head, trying to even out his breathing. “It was just a nightmare, Dean. I told you, I have them from time to time. I’m sorry I scared you.” Cas glanced out the windshield again and let go of Dean, running that hand through his damp hair. 

_Dean’s alive, and we’re at Adam’s. We made it._

_We made it._


	13. Midnight Special

**Dean**

Cas didn’t have a normal bad dream. He may be acting like this just happened sometimes, but this dream was about _him._ Cas mumbled his name over and over and was so far gone he couldn’t hear or feel Dean. His clothes looked like he just went swimming in a Freddy Krueger nightmare pond and his eyes were even wilder. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Dean asked, already knowing the answer. 

Cas sighed and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “Nothing to talk about, Dean. It was just a graphic dream. It wasn’t real. What time is it?”

“Almost 10pm. I called before your nightmare kicked in. Kids are in bed but we’ll see them at breakfast. Ready to go in?”

“Of course.” Cas got out of the car, surely to get out of any more questions and reached for their bags.

As worried as Dean was, he got it. Dreams were personal, especially nightmares.

Adam opened the front door just as they reached the front porch. “Dean. Long time no see.” 

Dean smiled and pulled him into a hug. “Too long.” He pulled back and cleared his throat. “Um… this is Cas. My bodyguard… Well, _was_ my bodyguard. Now he’s my boyfriend… Actually, we haven’t had that talk. Is there supposed to be a talk with these things? Ima shut up now.” He could feel how deep his blush was and wished he couldn’t.

Cas grabbed his hand and Adam laughed. “Still ramble, I see. Come on in.”

The room was a decent size and the bathroom was right across the hall. Adam didn’t hover too long, and after Cas checked and double checked every nook and cranny, he finally came back into their room to relax. 

“Gonna come lay with me tonight, Cas? Cause I’m gonna need you… my _boyfriend,_ to come cuddle me.” Dean could see how much Cas seemed to like that word, and loved the smile he got in return. 

The house was well-equipped with an alarm, and it was probably that alone that had Cas stripping down and crawling into bed with Dean. “Do you mean it? The boyfriend thing? Or is this just… a way to make this situation easier?”

“I mean it. I’ve never actually had one before, but I’d like you to be it.” _This is going well._ Dean cleared his throat. “If you want.” _Smooth... just... smooth._ “Will you... be my boyfriend, Cas?”

Cas hovered over him and kissed him deeply, grinding against him and then peppering kisses down his jaw. “Yes, I think so.” His teeth caught Dean’s neck and he bit gently, sucking on the skin there.

With a grin, Dean bared his neck and reached down to pull Cas even closer. He could feel Cas was hard too, and hoped they were actually going to fuck tonight. “House has alarms, no one knows of this place...” Dean rutted up into Cas. “Gonna fuck your boyfriend tonight, Betty?”

“I think it would be incredibly rude to wake the kids up on our first night here.” Cas growled against his skin and flattened himself on top of Dean. “And we both know you can’t stay quiet. I’d have to gag you.”

“Gag me!” Dean said way too fucking loud and then blushed profusely. “Shit... Sorry," he whispered.

Cas kissed the flush right off his face, then left the bed, rooting through their bags until he found what he needed. A few seconds later, the mattress bowed as a very naked Cas climbed back on and straddled Dean’s waist, a silk tie in his hand. “Tilt your head up. I’m going to secure this as comfortably as I can.”

Dean did as told, nearly shaking with anticipation. He was much more on board with this than he thought he would be, and couldn’t wait for Cas’ intense fucking eye contact while he fucked him senseless.

“You won’t be able to use a safeword or anything, so just push me away if you need me to stop.” Cas grabbed a second tie after securing the first and raised an eyebrow. “Can I bind your hands as well? Just nod or shake your head.”

Dean nodded, his eyes widening for a second before he internally told himself to play it cool. He had never been bound before, though he always found it intriguing. Trying it for the first time in his half brother’s house wasn’t ideal, but Dean wasn’t complaining.

Cas hummed appreciatively and a wet spot formed on Dean’s stomach as Cas gently took his hands and tied them together. He moved slowly, giving Dean every opportunity to change his mind as Cas brought his hands above his head and secured them to the bed frame. “Are you okay? Again, just nod or shake your head.”

Dean nodded again. _Holy fuck... This is hot!_ His cock was so hard it hurt. He wanted to kiss Cas, but this was definitely worth having to wait a bit.

“Good. Then spread your legs. And you’re still going to have to try and be quiet. That tie isn’t very thick.” Cas stroked himself twice and leaned forward, dragging his leaking tip over the fabric in Dean’s mouth and growling low. “You look incredible like this, Dean.” 

Dean did as he was told, surprising himself with how much he wanted to listen, how much he wanted to make Cas proud. The pleased look on his face was too fucking beautiful. Cas shuffled back as Dean spread his legs, and he grabbed the lube, coating Dean’s hole. When Cas pressed a single finger in, he groaned at the stretch, happy the sound was mostly muffled.

Cas leaned forward, dragging that damned tongue ring up the length of his dick as he added a second finger, scissoring slowly. He couldn’t fight the moan that escaped; everything Cas did was just _so_ fucking hot. Dean arched his back and pushed down onto his fingers. _C’mon, Cas._

The guy seemed intent on teasing the hell out of Dean. He licked over his tip and sucked his dick right into his mouth as he began moving his fingers faster, but not fast enough. Dean squirmed down, and _finally_ Cas pushed in a third finger and started opening him up properly.

Dean released a low satisfied moan, still trying to push down. It had been days since he’d had Cas’ cock and he felt like a fiend. Cas pulled back with a _pop,_ a trail of saliva still linking the tip of his cock to those swollen lips. 

“You’re impatient tonight. Need I remind you how long it’s been since I’ve gotten off at all?” He nipped at Dean’s hip, chuckling quietly as he pushed his fingers in deeper, harder. “How badly you teased me in Valdosta? You deserve this, Dean, every bit of it.” He brushed against Dean’s prostate and sucked him back in, pressing the ball of the tongue ring against his shaft as he moved.

There was no way Cas could understand him, and maybe Dean was thankful. Because _‘fuckin’ kidding me?’_ was definitely something Cas wouldn’t wanna hear. Instead he mumbled _‘please’,_ hoping he would forget that something bratty just happened.

“Shh, don’t wake the kids up.” Cas leaned back and slicked his cock, tipping his head back as he stroked himself, pure fucking bliss on his face.

 _God he’s so beautiful. Why did this take me so long? He’s absolutely fucking perfect for me._ Dean hoped Cas could see the love in his eyes, because he sure didn’t know how to say the words. _Maybe I should try... not like he can actually understand me... nah. If ima say those words for the first time, I want him to understand them._

Cas bit his lip as he slid in slowly, locking eyes with Dean. _Fuckin’ finally._ His breathing immediately caught in his throat and those baby blues got a helluva lot darker as he inched his way in, making Dean’s eyes flutter closed as Cas gripped both of his hips and lifted his ass off the bed. 

“You know, part of me misses your bratty responses... but this is kind of nice.” Cas snapped his hips and bottomed out fully, his muscles flexing as he kept Dean elevated. He groaned, biting the tongue ring and smirking around it as he dragged his cock backward, catching it on Dean’s rim and sliding back in.

 _Glad you like the brat, buddy. It's not goin’ anywhere._ Dean mumbled Cas’ name over and over behind that tie, fighting to keep his eyes open at the sight above him.

The pace Cas set was too fucking loud, and he growled quietly as he started stopping his thrusts just shy of actually smacking his hips against Dean’s ass. He finally wrapped his meaty hand around Dean’s cock to compensate and jerked him roughly, his fingers digging harder into Dean’s hip.

Maybe it was the thrill, maybe it was the fact that he missed Cas fucking him, maybe it just felt that fucking good. But Dean was coming within a minute, emptying all over his stomach with a groan that had Cas releasing Dean’s hip and clasping his hand over his mouth.

Cas wasn’t far behind and the poor guy had nothing at all to muffle the sounds coming out of him, but he tried. The vein in his neck popped as he came with a grunt, looking like it was near physically painful not to fuck the life outta Dean in that moment. A shiver ran up his spine as Cas finally emptied and collapsed forward, blindly reaching one hand up to untie Dean.

When his hands were free, he took the tie out of his mouth and moved to kiss Cas as he tugged lightly on his hair.

“Are you okay?” Cas kissed him again, making it hard for him to answer.

Dean smiled against his lips and laid his head back with a sigh. “More than okay.” _You kiddin’ me? That was awesome._

Cas’ softening cock slid out of him and he groaned in protest, kissing over Dean’s jaw and down his neck. “Good. Now drink some water and go to sleep.” 

That would be a lot easier if Cas wasn’t still kissing down his body, flicking his damned tongue over Dean’s nipple then licking the come from his stomach.

Once they were clean and Dean was comfortable as hell with Cas spooned around him, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

~~~~

Dean woke up first — thanks to Mother Nature — and made his way to clean up in the bathroom. Cas was still asleep, probably because of the broken ass sleep he’d had the past few days.

He was happy he thought to put on a shirt and pants though, because he ran smack into Adam’s wife when he exited the bathroom. “Oh shi...oot. Hi, kids.” His nephew Jesse waved and Claire hid behind Kate’s leg. 

“She’s iffy with new people. Honey, that’s Uncle Dean. Remember his photos?” Claire nodded but stayed hidden.

“S’okay, I get it Claire. You’ll get to know me.” _Sure we act the same age sometimes, anyway._

“Hey, Dean. Morning.” Adam walked up. _Is this a damn family hallway meeting?_ “Let’s go get some breakfast. Is your boyfriend coming?”

“Yeah, he’ll be down soon, he needs the sleep. Hardly slept since this all... started.”

Adam nodded and led the way to the kitchen, where the smell of bacon wafted quickly to Dean’s nose. He pointed at the stove and a stack of plates next to it. “Help yourself. We weren’t sure what you liked or what you were even allowed to eat, so Kate made a little of everything.” 

“I eat everything, seriously... everything.” Dean grabbed a plate and piled it high. “Thanks, guys. For the food and for lettin’ me crash.” He sat down across from Adam. “Been kinda in hiding.”

Kate busied herself cutting up Claire’s pancakes as Adam nodded slightly. “Yeah, we uh… we saw the video. People are jerks, Dean. You’re welcome here as long as you guys need a place to lay low. To be honest, it’s nice to see you without an entourage.” 

Dean huffed a laugh and stuffed his mouth, waiting until he was almost ready to swallow before he spoke. “You see that ass— _dude_ punch me? People are crazy.” _Watch your mouth, Winchester. Children are present!_

“Yeah,” Adam laughed. “We also saw your boyfriend about kill the guy. How long have you guys been together?” 

“I dunno... like nine hours?” Dean laughed. “He’s been my bodyguard for almost five years, but I think he thought I was annoying...” Adam made a face at that — probably in agreement with Cas. “Right? I’m a joy to be around. Anyway, I started realizing how much he cared recently and how I just can’t live without him. I was looking for something that was right in front of me all this time.” He smiled down at his food and took another huge bite.

Jesse eyed Dean and looked up at his mom. “How come I get yelled at when I eat like that but it’s okay when Uncky Dean does it?” 

Kate ruffled his hair and smiled sweetly at him. “Because I’m not Dean’s mother, but I am yours. Just eat your breakfast.” 

“Anyway,” Adam took a bite and waved his fork toward Dean. “Good for you. I think it’s great you’ve got someone willing to go through all this with you, I can’t imagine it’s easy for either one of you.” 

“Yeah, definitely.” Dean tried to eat better with a kid watching. “I feel bad he’s stuck with me but I don’t want him to get wise. I’m fallin’ for him.” He blushed at the admission.

Cas spoke up from behind him. “I think if I was going to get sick of you, it would have been when you were pranking me on a daily basis.” He kissed the top of Dean’s head and made his way toward the stove.

Adam chuckled quietly. “Bet you were a nightmare.”

 _Goddammit, of all times._ Dean blushed even harder and shoved food in his mouth as a distraction. _Talk about how I was a nightmare and not about what I just said. Please._

“He was, but I don’t think he was nearly as effective as he thought he was.” Cas put some more food on his plate and came over, sitting next to Kate. “Dean isn’t exactly a mastermind when it comes to pranks.” He winked at Dean and took a bite, making a tiny noise of appreciation. “This is delicious, Kate. I haven’t had a home-cooked meal in a very long time, unless you count diner food.”

She smiled pleasantly and passed him the syrup. “There’s plenty more where that came from.”

“I made you a sandwich.” Dean smiled innocently and then went back to that diss he almost missed. “And my pranks were awesome. Remember the time I put chili powder in your boxers?” Dean started laughing. “He wasn’t standing so straight that day.”

Adam grimaced and Cas acted like he couldn’t hear him. 

“It’s a wonder he likes you at all, Dean.” Kate fed Claire a bite of her pancakes and sighed when Claire spit it right back out. “Don’t ever have kids.”

_Kids... how could I ever have kids? Do I even want to have kids? Holy shit... do I?!_

**Castiel**

They’d settled into Adam’s so well that Cas was starting to think it was going to be hard to leave. Sure, the first couple of nights when Claire _demanded_ he be the one to read them bedtime stories were odd, especially considering that Dean was the actor… but he had to admit, it was incredibly nice to feel so welcomed. 

That’s not to say he let his guard down, because he didn’t. Now, instead of just protecting Dean, he felt responsible for the entirety of Adam’s family because if someone happened to find Dean there, everyone would be in danger. Having an alarm at least helped him sleep at night, which was nice. He hadn’t noticed how tired he truly was until the morning of their fourth day there when he woke up feeling normal. _Why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer…_

Dean was still sleeping, and Cas spent several long moments watching the shallow rise of that beautiful chest. He’d give everything he ever owned to afford Dean the luxury of looking that peaceful all the time, but they still had an awful long road ahead of them before either of them could truly be at peace. At least now they had a destination. Cas had checked thoroughly to make sure the cabin in Vancouver had no trace back to Dean. It was purchased under a pseudonym that Dean had only used for that specific purpose, and the agent that had altered the papers to make it look like the house had been purchased forty years previously had died in a car accident. So, as long as Dean hadn’t been lying, the only people that knew it belonged to him would die for him before selling him out. 

Cas was getting antsy from not working out for so long, so he slid out of bed as non-disruptively as he could and dressed silently before heading out to the kitchen. Adam was already awake reading the paper, so Cas offered him a polite nod and poured himself a cup of coffee. “You’re up early.”

“I like to wake up early. Once the kids wake up it’s chaos. It’s nice to have a cup of coffee in peace sometimes. Why are you up so early?”

He smiled, he could understand that motivation. “In case you haven’t noticed, Dean is… chaos all on his own. I was hoping to go for a run, actually. The last time I attempted to bring him, it didn’t end well… and I think he could use some space from me.”

“He’s kinda needy, huh? He’s always been a needy one. I think that was why he wanted to be famous, he needed to be needed.” Adam took long sip. “He’s matured a lot though. I’m happy for him. I knew he was gay but he isn’t exactly quiet about it with people close to him, I don’t know how it was a secret so long.”

Cas’ grin only widened. “I sort of like that about him, honestly. The needy part, not the fact that he spent so many years having to hide who he truly was. It only worked because he truly is an incredible actor.” He took a sip of his coffee and set it down on the table. “He missed you, you know. It bothered him that he couldn’t he a part of your life, even though he understood your desire for distance.”

Adam’s face softened. “I missed him, too. We were separated at a crucial age, it made getting back in touch hard. But him being here for a few days has been amazing for our relationship. We needed this.”

“I can tell. Honestly, I was expecting Dean to have something of a breakdown when he realized he was quite literally running for his life, but he seems… happy here. This is the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him, and next month it’ll be five years since I was placed in his employment.” Cas finished off his coffee and took his mug to the sink to wash it out, not wanting to be a pain. “When he wakes up, will you tell him I’ll be back?”

“Yeah of course. Hey, Cas? Thanks for taking care of him.”

Cas tied his shoes and licked his lip slowly. “I’ve been in love with your brother since the day I laid eyes on him. He doesn’t know that, mind you... but there is nothing I wouldn’t do for him.” He pursed his lips and nodded at Adam’s expression, then snuck out the front door as quietly as he could. 

Leaving the porch was harder than he thought; theoretically, he knew Dean would be fine... but the Marine in him didn’t want to take any chances. Thankfully, Adam lived in a cul-de-sac, so instead of running off into the distance, Cas settled for running laps on Adam’s street. It wasn’t as relaxing as he’d hoped since the scenery didn’t change, but at least he was running, and at least he was still close enough to protect the others if necessary.

He ran until his leg started to cramp and he cursed himself for not stretching first, but jogged back onto the porch and stayed outside for a moment longer to catch his breath. Cas wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone, but the last thing he wanted was to wake the entire house up because he was teetering on the edge of being out of shape. 

When his heart rate calmed, he slipped back inside.

Dean was already dressed when Cas walked in the house. He turned to face Cas with a mouthful of donut and smiled like he was his favorite person in the world. “M’rnin’,” he mumbled.

It wasn’t something Cas ever _wanted_ to get used to. It felt incredibly good. He walked over and wiped some powdered sugar from Dean’s mouth and licked his finger, rolling his eyes with a smile. “I should’ve known I’d find you with food.”

He grinned and huffed a laugh as he finished chewing. “There’s always food in this kitchen. It’s awesome. Feel better?” He pointed at Cas’ sweaty clothes.

“Yes, actually. I’d feel even better if we _both_ went to a gym, but I’ll take what I can get.” Cas grabbed his mug from earlier and filled it up with tap water, sucking it down. “How… how long do you want to stay?”

Dean popped the rest of his donut into his mouth and dusted his hands with a shrug. “Dunno. Probably should hit the road, I haven’t gone anywhere but their backyard in days.”

Cas hesitated; he wasn’t sure he was ready for the last leg of this journey… but he’d run on Dean’s time for years and this would be no exception. “Let’s stay one more night, you and Adam deserve the time to catch up.” _And I need to call a lady about a dog._

All he received in response was a shrug that sent powdered sugar cascading down to Dean’s shirt, and Cas fought laugh as Dean walked away to get cleaned up. He knew he needed a shower and some food, but while Dean was occupied he might as well get the phone call over with. 

He stepped back outside and dialed Jody, keeping his eyes on the front door and his voice low. 

“Castiel! You haven’t responded, what the hell is going on?”

 _Oh, just the end of the world._ “We’re safe. I can’t tell you where we are… but we’re safe. _He’s_ safe. What have you heard about the threats?”

Jody made a noise that sounded like _yeesh_ and cleared her throat. “There are more coming in every day, though he’s finally getting some support. Sonny’s still cataloguing everything that even remotely _smells_ like a threat. The file should’ve been sent to you. Our boy really pissed people off with that admission.”

Cas had been prepared for that answer, but it didn’t stop him from clenching his jaw. “Are there any I need to be actively worried about?”

“All of them, Cas. All of them. Even the most innocuous threat could be serious, you know how the fringe fans are. Celebrities have been killed for less, there's just no talking sense into these people.” She sounded tired, prompting Cas to wonder what their schedules were like now.

“And you’re keeping up with the house? How’s Havoc?”

He could hear her smile. “He’s good, he’s getting in better shape without Dean feeding him table scraps every day… but I’m pretty sure Havoc misses him. He sits outside of Dean’s room and whines all night.”

 _So, someone is there, then. Good._ “Jody, I hate to ask this of you… but would you be willing to bring Havoc and meet us somewhere? On the outskirts of Seattle, maybe? I’m not going to say where we’re going, but Dean won’t be returning home and I think he’s suffered enough. I’d come get him myself, but it’s too dangerous.”

“Of course, when?”

Cas tried to do the math. Adam lived in Blackwater, Missouri, which was a full day’s drive. Factoring in sleep and stops for fuel, it would probably take them another three days to get there. “We’re not leaving where we’re at until tomorrow… it’ll take us a few days to get to Washington. Hang on.”

He minimized their call and pulled up his navigation system, looking for a spot that would be en route for them to Vancouver. Cas put the phone back to his ear. “Scratch Seattle, can you meet us in Teske next Wednesday?” 

There was a rustling on the other end like she was flipping through papers, then she hummed an affirmative. “Yep, sure can. Text me the address, I’ll bring the little furball and all his fixins. Do you need anything else?”

Cas hated asking so much of Jody, but there were things he hadn’t been prepared for when the original plan was a quick vacation or a silent slip from the limelight. _But Dean never did do anything halfway; this shouldn’t have surprised me._ “Actually, yes. You should still have a key to my old house, yes?” She hummed again. “Good, there’s a safe in my room behind the promo poster for _The Lives We Leave Behind’s_ 25th season. I’ll get you the passcode once you’re there, but there’s a box inside that I need. And anything you can bring from Dean’s would be helpful… clothes, things he was fond of…”

“Copy that. How are you holding up, by the way? It can’t be easy with just you, are you sure you don’t want company?”

 _The help would be nice, but no._ “I’ve got it handled, Jody. You know better than anyone that I’m the best suited for this job.”

“I’ve always said you were too close to it, but maybe… that’s exactly what Dean needs right now.” 

He didn’t know what to say to that, so after a beat of silence, she continued. “Alright, Novak. I’ll see you two on Wednesday with as much shit as I can fit in my Jeep.”

Something inside of his chest loosened, and he felt better now that they had a plan. “Thank you, Jody. I’ll be in touch.”

Cas hung up just as Dean came back outside. “Who was that?”

Deciding not to lie, Cas pocketed his phone. “Jody. It was just a progress report. There’s nothing new that’s noteworthy except the fact that she states you have supporters now.” He walked over, kissing Dean gently. “You’re not alone anymore.” 

Dean smiled and kissed him again. “I wasn’t alone. I have you.” He touched Cas’ cheek gently. “Did she say anything about Havoc? Have her send a picture!”

 _Damnit._ Cas blinked, irritated at himself for not thinking to ask for a photo while he Jody on the phone. Thankfully for him, Jody was ahead of the game. His phone chirped and he glanced at it, smiling when he saw the selfie of Jody and Havoc. “Here.” He handed the phone to Dean and smiled smugly. 

Dean grinned ear to ear and then sighed. “Man he’s cute. I miss him.” He stared at the phone a bit longer before handing it back. “He looks healthy... and happy.”

Cas debated on telling Dean he’d see him soon, but something told him this would be worth the wait. “Well, it’s been less than a week.” He stole a kiss and opened the front door. “Think Adam will let you get away with showering with me?”

“Yeah. I’m bigger.” Dean grinned and grabbed Cas’ hand to drag him inside the house. “Think we’ll fit?”

He laughed, not caring either way in the slightest. Cas grimaced apologetically at Kate as they passed her in the hall and disappeared into the bathroom, and the second they were locked inside, Cas caged Dean against the sink. “We’re terrible houseguests.”

“I’m terrible at most things, so it’s fine.” Dean kissed him and wrapped one leg around him. “Shower sex is complicated, are we really doing this?”

Cas slid his hands up under Dean’s shirt and flicked his tongue over his earlobe. “Who said anything about sex? Maybe I want you on your knees while I wash my hair.”

Dean huffed a laugh and shrugged, pulling off his shirt and then his pants. “You got it, babe. Tell me where to be.”

A compliant Dean was a Dean that Cas could very much get on board with, so when he stripped down and turned on the water, he jerked his head toward the shower. “You first, sucking you off turns me on too much and if _I_ go first… I’ll just be hard again when we’re done.”

He waited until Dean got situated under the water and admired the way it cascaded down the lines of his body, then climbed in after him. Dean hadn’t been kidding; it was a tight squeeze, but Cas managed to kneel down and lick up some of the liquid running down his thigh. It was too uncomfortable to waste time, so he dove right in, sucking quickly as he stroked himself and played with Dean’s balls. 

Dean braced himself against the wall and stared down at Cas, his bottom lip between his teeth. Cas could feel he was struggling to keep quiet, but there wasn’t much Cas could do about it here. He hollowed out his cheeks and flicked the ball of his tongue ring right under the head of Dean’s cock, closing his eyes at the spray of water bouncing off Dean’s chest. 

The taste was so good that Cas forced his eyes open again just to be sure it was real, but of course it was. Somehow, against all logic… he’d gotten _Dean._ Cas’ cock pulsed in his hand and he moaned around that thick shaft, forcing the tip past the back of his mouth and into his throat.

“Ah shit, Cas...” Dean whispered, his eyes slamming shut. “So fucking good.” He began to rock into Cas’ mouth slowly as his left hand fisted in Cas’ hair.

For once, Cas let Dean move. Half of him just wanted the constant gratification that Dean was just as into this as he was, and the other half was already sore from being cramped down there and not moving was easier. He kept his throat open as Dean moved, rolling his balls between his wet fingers and moaning at how hard he was himself just from the precome leaking down his throat.

“Casss... gon—” Dean’s grip on his hair tightened as he released into his mouth, he muffled the groan as much as he could, but the grunt that escaped sounded so incredibly delicious Cas nearly came then and there.

He pulled off, breathless as he swallowed the rest of it and tipped his head against Dean’s thigh. His body was screaming to kiss, lick, touch, _worship_ every inch of Dean, to turn him around and bury himself so far inside of Dean that no one would be able to separate them — but none of that was possible at the moment. Cas stood on shaky legs, his length bouncing in the small space between them. “You’re driving, right? I’m going to want to do that again… soon.”

“Yup!” Dean grinned and leaned in to kiss him. “My turn.” He kneeled down, glancing up into Cas’ eyes with a grin before finally taking him in his mouth.

How he managed to actually get clean during that shower... he’d never know. 


	14. Side O' The Road

**Dean**

Saying goodbye to the only family he had was hard. Claire had definitely warmed up to him and wasn’t afraid to boss him around, Jesse thought he was fun to climb like a jungle gym, and he got to have a few nice talks with his brother. But it was time to go.

The open road felt nice, the walls had begun to close in on him in suburbia and he already missed the rumble of this baby. _Baby...Sounds like a fitting name._ “This car is fucking awesome! Woo!” Dean hit the steering wheel with a grin. “I’m obsessed with this car, Cas!”

“I’m glad, Dean. It was supposed to be your engagement present, so you could have something of your own even once Abaddon took everything else from you.” Cas smiled gently and reached over to take Dean’s hand. “I like this better.”

“Shit, me too!” He brought his hand up for a kiss. _Engagement... was that even my life?_ It felt so distant at this point he could hardly remember how depressed he was.

Cas finally ditched the damn suits and looked almost normal in jeans and a tight t-shirt, but not much could make those tatted, muscular arms less attention-grabbing. He leaned forward to turn the radio up a little louder and kept his fingers laced with Dean’s. “We need to head toward Washington, we’ll cross the border there.”

“Okay.” Dean started singing to Cas, doing anything to see that beautiful smile. “I feel free, Cas. Like... I know I’m not; I’m literally on the run, and I’ve never felt more free.”

He drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, like tension from the last few years was leaving him. “We still have a long way to go, Dean… but we’ve made it this far. We’ll make it the rest of the way, and then you _will_ be free.”

“I think it’s you. You make me feel free.” Dean smiled, and it didn’t fade for miles.

They finally pulled into a diner and Dean was starving. “I wanna go in, Cas. I just... feel so good and I don’t wanna hide for one meal. I wanna hold my boyfriend’s hand in a booth and eat some greasy food. Can we?”

Cas’ free hand went to his gun and he nodded, looking like he wouldn’t be able to deny Dean anything in the damn world. “Of course we can. Whatever you want.”

Dean was nervous as hell, but things had gone alright so far and he wanted to spread out his elbows on a damn table to eat. Maybe he got spoiled at Adam’s, but the idea of eating in the car just didn’t sound fun. 

They walked inside — hand in hand — and were led to a booth. “What you in the mood for, Betty?”

“Steak,” he answered, without any hesitation. “Is that possible here?” 

Their waitress — Madison, by the name tag — nodded and scribbled it down, then took his drink order as well before turning to Dean. She tilted her head a little bit when they made eye contact, but smiled sweetly even as Dean attempted to hide behind his menu. “And were you ready to order, or did you need a few minutes?”

“Uh... nah. Can I get a steak, too? Also... what kinda pie you got?” He looked back up and smiled, hoping she didn’t see how nervous he was.

Madison gave him a knowing smirk and flipped to a different page on her pad. “Any kind of pie you can think of, sugar. We’re good at that ‘round here.”

Dean looked back down at the pies and smiled. “Can I get a whole apple? Thanks, Madison.” He closed his menu and sat back in his seat.

“Of course, I’ll bring your drinks out in just a moment.” She placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed lightly, then leaned down. “You know… you’ve got a lot of friends here. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need something, okay?” She winked before walking away, but it wasn’t suggestive, it was… like they shared a secret. 

Dean swallowed and looked over at Cas with his eyes wide. “Should I not run? That was fine, right? Tell me it was fine.” He didn’t know how to feel. It was obvious he was recognized, but he didn’t feel threatened in any way. He felt... accepted. 

He was not only recognized... he was _seen._

“I think it’s fine, Dean. She showed no threatening behavior, there was no stiffness in her posture or anything at all that would suggest she wasn’t being genuine.” Cas leaned forward and took Dean’s hand in his. “I think this was a reminder that we both needed.” 

Dean nodded, longer than necessary but Cas didn’t seem to judge him. “That was nice, Cas. It felt... good.” It was one simple sentence, but it lifted a weight he didn’t think would ever budge.

“Then that’s what matters.”

Madison came back a moment later with their drinks and one of those children’s menus you can color on, but it was already filled in. She smiled warmly at him and pointed to what appeared to be a young boy sitting with his mom… a young boy wearing a dress. “He said ‘if Dean Winchester can be himself, so can I’. He wanted you to have this.” 

The menu had a simple drawing of a child and his mother, with a rainbow over their heads. Dean stared down at the drawing, and his eyes watered slightly, causing him to clear his throat. “Um... wow... t—thank you.” He looked back down and huffed a laugh. “Can I... meet him?”

“Of course. I believe he’d love that,” she nodded, stepping back from the booth so he could get out. Cas tensed in his seat, but also didn’t stop him. 

Dean walked over with the menu and waved somewhat awkwardly at the woman and her son. “Uh... hello. Did you draw this for me?” He kneeled down to the kid’s level.

The little boy blushed furiously but nodded quickly, his eyes wide. “Yes! You’re D—Dean Winchester!”

His mother was beaming at them. “He’s looked up to you for a couple of years, but your recent admission has made you his hero.”

“That’s awesome. I like your dress. Never let anyone tell you that you aren’t good enough okay? Whoever you are… is perfect. Ima hang this up in my house.” He didn’t know what to say, but he hoped he was doing okay.

Tears formed in the boy’s eyes and for a moment, he looked like he was going to break down... but he launched himself from the booth and wrapped his arms so tight around Dean’s neck it would’ve been painful if he was older than maybe eight years. He buried his face in Dean’s neck and Dean could feel the dampness there as the boy muttered something that sounded like ‘thank you.’

Dean smiled and patted his back softly. “You’re the hero here, buddy. I’ve got you.” The emotions he was feeling were overwhelming, and before he could catch it, Dean closed his eyes and let a single tear fall.

“I’m Aaron,” he choked out, pulling back and wiping his soaking wet face. “This is the first time I’ve been brave enough to wear one of my dresses outside. Everybody’s always expected me to be strong because of my name.” 

His mom was crying, too, and as Dean looked around… they weren’t the only ones. There were only a handful of people in that diner and they were all keeping their distance, but not a single face was dry… not even Cas’. Aaron’s mom brought a napkin up to blot her eyes and clenched it in her fist.

Dean made a _pfft_ sound. “You’re stronger than me, bud. Look at you, you know how brave you are right now? I’m almost twenty five and I’m just finding my strength. You’re the strongest dude I know.”

Aaron puffed out his chest proudly despite his puffy eyes and sucked in a breath that still sounded like a sob. “You be strong too, then. I know what they’re saying about you, but don’t believe them. They’re just... _buttheads.”_ He looked at his mom like he was gonna be in trouble but she just laughed, shaking her head.

“You’re right, honey. They are.”

Dean chuckled, unable to fight the cheek-splitting grin. “Yeah... I’ll be strong. Thank you for saying that, Aaron. Can we take a picture together?” 

His mom nodded happily and asked if she could take one with her phone as well. Dean noticed his food had arrived and struggled to say goodbye. “I’m going to go eat some food, but thank you, Aaron. You made my entire week. I’ll always remember your strength. Keep being you, buddy.” They hugged and parted ways.

Dean slid back into the booth and stared down at the drawing again, before looking up to meet Cas’ eyes. “Cas... I...”

“I don’t have words, Dean. What you just did for that boy… you’re truly everything I always believed you were. _That_ will be your legacy… not Michael Havoc.” Cas wasn’t smiling, but he looked… proud. Deeply, irrevocably fucking proud. 

He blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “That sounds like a good legacy. Thanks, Cas. That felt... amazing.”

Cas glanced back over at Aaron and his mom as Madison brought them their food out. “If you think it felt amazing for you, imagine how good it felt for him. At eight years old, maybe nine… he received the validation so many of us live our entire lives without receiving. You just did a very, very good thing.”

Madison set their silverware down and wiped her hands on her apron. “You’re welcome here anytime, Dean. No one in these parts will judge you or make a fuss about it, we’ll leave you to your business. I’ll have that pie out to you shortly.” She turned on her heel and disappeared back into the kitchen. 

“I suppose the steak knife was overkill.” Cas stared at it with a slightly grumpy expression. “I only ordered steak for the extra weapon.”

“Geez, Cas.” Dean laughed loudly and shook his head. “Don’t have to shank people, you have a mean right hook.” He cut into his steak and took a bite. “You won’t be disappointed. Here.” Dean reached over and cut off a bite, feeding it to Cas across the table.

Cas frowned. “I take your safety seriously, Dean. Knives are much easier to control in a situation like this than a gun, and sometimes my fist isn’t enough.” He leaned in, biting the fork and chewing the steak slowly. 

Dean nodded with his eyebrows up. “Ehh... see. Delicious, _and_ you get your knife.” He winked and went back to his food feeling a helluva lot lighter than he had when they walked in.

~~~~

Within a day, Dean was over the driving. “I miss Havoc, Cas. What if he forgets me?” He asked sadly as he climbed in the passenger seat. 

Cas took his hand and kissed it. “He won’t. How could he?”

“Cause I’m not there for him. Jody is.” Dean thought it sounded dumb now that he said it out loud, but he still couldn’t help to be jealous. “She gets to cuddle his fat little body and I want to.”

“Me too, actually.” 

Dean looked over with a grin. “Ha! I knew you fell for him too!” For some reason, knowing that made him feel better. “I know he misses Daddy Cas, too. He loves you.”

“I know, I’m ‘awesome’, right?” Cas smiled, the big one that crinkled his eyes adorably. 

“Yeah, super awesome.” Dean leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I decided to check out social media.”

Cas looked over abruptly. “Are you sure, Dean? You don’t have to.” 

“I know. But… Aaron actually really helped me. He made me want to be stronger, and I wanna deserve to be his hero. I wanna stop hiding, Cas. I know right now isn’t safe, but I mean hiding in here.” He pointed to his head. “I’m ready.”

He wasn’t fucking ready. The second he logged onto his Twitter, he saw more backlash than he anticipated. There were even memes and parody videos made to humiliate him. “This is my fucking life, it isn’t some joke.” He frowned down at his phone. “The holy rollers are one thing; they believe I’m going to hell, and it isn’t my job to convince them I’m not. But this shit… making a joke about the hardest thing I ever did. Telling me to kill myself. This is evil, Cas.”

“Close it out, Dean. None of it matters, and none of those people matter.” Cas gripped the steering wheel and placed a hand on Dean’s knee. 

Dean came across an interview being shared of a man claiming they slept together. “Ishim… wouldn’t I remember someone named Ishim if we actually hooked up? This is bullshit.” He clicked the video and the second he heard the man’s voice, he knew. “Cas… it’s the guy. The one that tried to hurt me.”

Cas had the car pulled off in a matter of seconds and they both watched the phone with horrified expressions. 

Interviewer: _So, you claim to have dirt on the latest hot goss, Dean Wichester. Let’s hear it._

Ishim: _*chuckles* Goss? I just have my personal experience with him, and his creepy voyeuristic bodyguard._

Interviewer: _Voyeuristic bodyguard?_

Ishim: _Dean had an entire anonymous sex setup, since he was so far into the closet he couldn’t even handle lights. His bodyguard interviewed me, took my phone, led me to a dark room where Dean was waiting to be fucked. It was pitch black, I could hardly see my own hand in front of my face, but his bodyguard stood there and watched the entire time. Probably got off, too._

Interviewer: _Is Dean Winchester a bottom?_

Dean felt shame for the first time. He had always been a bottom, a proud bottom. But that wasn’t the world’s business, especially to hear from a fucking stranger. And the way she said the word bottom was like it was an insult. 

Ishim: _Oh yeah. A very needy bottom. Likes to be spanked, too._ The creep looked at the camera and winked.

Dean was instantly nauseous. “This is _my_ life! _My_ fucking story! Not this fucking creep’s! He won't mention at all how I told him to stop!” Baby’s walls were suddenly closing in, and Dean couldn’t breathe. He shut his phone off again and jumped out of the car, trying to catch his breath. “Cas…” 

Cas was at his side in an instant, watching their surroundings and holding him close. Feeling his strong arms around him helped Dean finally breathe some of the tension out from his chest, and he nearly collapsed into Cas. “Ima joke, Cas. A fucking joke.”

**Castiel**

It wasn’t blind fury that raged through Cas, it was _pointed_ fury. Fury at every single person that made _anyone_ feel like they were somehow ‘less’ because of who they were or what they liked. He held Dean as tightly as he could without hurting him and placed his lips against Dean’s head. “You’re not a joke, the only joke around here is Ishim and the people that think like him. I should have never let him in that room, I should’ve never let _anyone_ in that room.” 

“M’sorry I put you through that. It was pathetic. All to get fucked. I don’t care if people know I’m a bottom, but this is embarrassing, Cas. Didn’t he sign a contract not to ever speak of that day?”

Cas nodded, not letting go. “Yes, but it was also based on you being in the closet. Since you’re not any longer, my guess is he found a way out of it.” He pulled back just enough to look at Dean. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about… or, at the very least… if _you_ do, so do I. Voyeuristic bodyguard? That just about kills my chances of ever getting hired again. Not that I particularly want to. We’re in this together, Dean.”

“I hate that he called you that. I wanna punch him in his asshole face! I hate that his nasty dick ever touched me.”

Sadness washed over Cas and he pulled Dean back in, unsure of what else to do. _I failed him. I should’ve never approved Ishim… or anyone._ “I’m sorry, Dean. It’s over, and that interview ran in a tabloid. Chances are good no one that matters will believe him anyway.”

Dean nodded, sighing into Cas’ neck. “I only want you. Forever," he whispered.

He wanted to believe that, he really did. But he still couldn’t shake the feeling that none of this was real — that when Dean was no longer on the run, he wouldn’t look twice at Cas. _He never did before this, what’s different now?_ “I’m here, Dean. Always.” Cas held him for a moment longer and pulled back again. “Are you ready to go or did you want to take a walk?”

“Can we take a walk?” He reached out his hand for Cas to take. “Being famous sucks.”

That seemed like an understatement, but Cas knew he didn’t need to point that out. He locked the doors to the Impala and glanced around. They’d stopped in the edge of the highway, but he figured the car was far enough away from the road that it wouldn’t be a problem. Out of habit, he made sure he had his gun and started leading Dean into the woods. “We probably could’ve picked a better spot.”

“Maybe. We don’t gotta walk far, just want some air. Highway is pretty dead around here.”

Cas stopped when the trees started getting too thick to maneuver through without difficulty. But the view was gorgeous, and despite being completely out in the open, it was the most secluded they’d _ever_ been. “This was a good choice.”

“I agree.” Dean pulled him in and kissed him, his hands running through his hair as he rutted forward. “I miss you.”

 _I should’ve known._ Cas immediately responded, wrapping his arms around Dean and gripping his ass as he spun them around, caging Dean against a thick oak tree. He bit Dean’s bottom lip and pulled it back slowly, keeping eye contact. “You tricked me.” 

“Promise I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking about anything but negativity when we started this walk. It’s just... peaceful, and you’re gorgeous.” He shrugged and rutted again. “But you can treat me like I tricked you.”

Cas’ hands snaked back around and he hastily undid Dean’s jeans, kissing him hard and pressing his tongue into that delicious, bratty mouth. By the time he had Dean exposed, Cas was rock hard, pressing against his thigh. “Tell me you still have that packet of lube you picked up in that extremely shady truck stop?”

“Yup. In my wallet.” Dean leaned down to reach his pocket and mouthed at Cas’ crotch. “Got it.” He handed it to Cas, his cheeks already flushed from arousal.

Cas let out a breathy moan and shoved his jeans down, running his hand through Dean’s hair and guiding him closer. “Open your mouth.”

Dean did as told. Cas could feel how eager he was and kept a firm grip on his hair as he sucked him in. He’d never get tired of Dean’s tongue or the way he looked while sucking him off, but they both had another goal. Cas pulled Dean off by the hair and pulled him to his feet, kissing his own taste from Dean’s mouth and spinning him around. Cas tore open the packet and winced at how little there was, but figured if he was careful, there’d be just enough. He slicked his fingers and braced his forearm over Dean’s shoulders as he started working him open a little quicker than normal.

Dean groaned and laid his head back against Cas’ arm. “God. I miss your cock.”

“Then relax for me, Dean.” Cas rolled his hips forward, his bare cock brushing against Dean’s ass. “I’m ready for _you,_ but you’re not quite ready for me.” He scissored his fingers and fingered him harder as he leaned in to bite him.

“M’ready. Always ready. Want you to come inside me so I feel you in there for miles.”

Cas shuddered and moaned, pulling his fingers out and using the rest of the lube to inch his way inside of Dean. He paused, fully seated, breathing heavily against the back of Dean’s neck. “We need to figure out a way to drive like this, your ass feels incredible.” He thrust once, barely pulling out before slamming into him hard enough to shove him against the tree. 

Dean cried out and huffed a throaty laugh. “Fuck, Cas. I’d let you fuck me anywhere.” He planted his feet and pushed back, and Cas drove himself deeper. 

He bit and licked over every exposed inch of Dean’s skin he could reach and rocked into him, letting out deep, throaty moans each time Dean’s ass hit his hips. Cas reached around to stroke him faster than he was thrusting. “Fuck, I’ll never get enough of you.”

“Shit... shit... shit... Cas!” Dean was pushing back and gripping the tree. “Fuck, right there.”

Cas slid his hand up under Dean’s shirt and pressed his palm flat against his abs, holding him impossibly close. He breathed in Dean’s scent and nearly lost his mind, still not over the shock that Dean actually wanted him, too. Another handful of thrusts into that gorgeous, tight ass had Cas emptying with a grunt that echoed through the trees.

“Ah, fuck yes, fill me up.” He rocked back into Cas, his cock still painfully hard.

Coming inside Dean felt too good for Cas to be embarrassed that he came so soon, even though it meant he was sliding out way before he wanted to be. Cas spun Dean around and shoved him against that tree before dropping to his knees, the leaves crunching under him. “Good, I wanted to taste you anyway.” 

He took Dean in his mouth and nudged his hand between Dean’s legs, pushing two fingers back inside of him and groaning at the feel of his own come. 

Dean chuckled and was instantly rocking into his mouth and back on his fingers. “M’close... don’t stop, Cas.” He gripped his hair and before he could warn Cas, he moaned his name and emptied inside his throat.

Cas pulled back, messy as hell, but with a sated, almost dopey smile. He looked up at Dean and again, nearly word-vomited all the things threatening to explode out of his chest. He stood up, fixing his jeans and wiping his fingers on his pantleg. “We should go on walks more often.”

“I absolutely agree.” He tucked himself in his jeans. “Want me to drive?”

Driving was the last thing on Cas’ mind, so he pulled Dean in to kiss him again — just lazily this time, slowly, conveying all the things he was stopping himself from saying in that kiss. _Why? Why won’t I tell him? He deserves to know, now more than ever._ But as he carefully broke the kiss, he realized he didn’t want his words being misconstrued as something he only felt post-orgasm, not when the reality of the situation was so intense and real. “If you’d like to drive, that’s fine with me. But, we should really find a place to get you cleaned up. As hot as that was in the moment… I have a feeling you won’t be comfortable for long.”

Dean grinned and shrugged his arms in a carefree manner. “Probably. We’ll find somewhere. Let’s get back on the road, I feel much better. Thanks, Cas.” He kissed him one more time and interlocked their fingers.

If orgasms were all it took to keep Dean happy, Cas figured he could handle that. They climbed into the car and got back on the road; the road Cas was starting to think was never going to end. 

The answer to Dean’s _issue_ turned out to be a rest stop a few miles down the road, and while Dean was inside cleaning up, Cas decided to check in with Jody. 

“Hey, Cas.”

Exhaustion was clear in her voice, which immediately put Cas on edge. _Why would she be exhausted? Has she been reassigned? What does that mean for Dean?_ “Jody, talk to me. What happened?”

She sighed, like she should’ve known better than to think she could hide something from him. “Well, the good news is that I’m on my way to Teske with the fluff ball, and he’s fine. Dean’s house, on the other hand…”

Every hair on Cas’ body stood on end and he got up from the bench he’d been sitting on. “Jody.”

“They torched the place, Cas. There was a break in a couple nights ago but Benny was there, and he brought Havoc to me that night — and thank god, because _last_ night, someone threw a freakin’ Molotov cocktail through the front glass wall.”

Cas closed his eyes and tried to breathe, but the memories the mere mention of those brought up made him queasy. He swallowed and dug his nails into his palm in an attempt to keep himself grounded. “No one was hurt? Do they know who was responsible?”

“No and no. The police are still investigating, but Cas… the threats just keep coming. I’m glad you got him out when you did… how’s he doing?”

That answer seemed to vary quite a lot throughout any given day. “He was doing better, but then he saw the interview Ishim gave… and now _this_? I have to tell him.”

Jody was silent for a long moment. “And how are you? Are you sleeping? Eating?”

“I’m fine, I’ve been sleeping in the car mostly but we spent a few days somewhere safe and I actually slept in a bed. I eat when Dean eats, which… is about a hundred times a day.” 

Dean came back out, standing a little straighter and looking more comfortable. _And I’m about to ruin your progress, yet again._ Cas heard Jody’s voice, but cut her off. “I’ll see you in Teske. Call me if you need me. I need to tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Dean’s grin only broke Cas’ heart even more, and he contemplated not telling him at all. Ever.

But he’d never be able to keep that secret for long, and it was far better for Dean to hear it from Cas than a tabloid. He took Dean’s hand and pulled him back down to the bench. “Someone, or several someones, set fire to your house in LA. It’s gone, Dean. Havoc is safe, everyone’s safe… but the house is gone. I’m so, _so_ incredibly sorry.”

Dean stood up and stared at Cas in disbelief. “W—“ He sat back down, struggling to find words. “Our home, Cas. All my things were there. That was my dad’s guitar.” Dean’s head fell in his hands.

For the first time since this started, Cas was close to real, actual tears that weren’t from pride. He wrapped his arms around Dean and rested his chin on Dean’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Dean. People can be… unbelievably cruel.” _And I can’t save you from all of them, no matter how badly I wish I could._

Dean melted into him and sniffled. “I stole it. I stole his guitar and brought it on set with me to show it off. I went the whole day, thinking he would be mad at me and I never got to say sorry. It was all I had of him, that and the dog tags. It was all I had of all of them. Cas... I don’t even have pictures.”

“Adam did. He didn’t have many, but Kate showed me a few while we were there. You were in them, your whole family was. Maybe he can make you a copy.” Cas kissed the top of Dean’s head, knowing he was useless with a loss this devastating. Anger welled in his chest at the people who would do something so heinous to another human being, and he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he’d murder the person responsible if he ever saw them. That thought should have been scary, or repulsive… but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “I’m so sorry.”

Dean nodded and wiped his cheek but kept his face in Cas’ chest. “Adam told me he had them and I couldn’t look at them. I wish I did. I feel like I just lost them again. Is that dumb?”

“No, it’s not dumb. Nothing you’re feeling right now is dumb, or invalid. You’ve suffered more than most could ever dream of, Dean.” _And most of it thanks to fire._ Cas squeezed him, trying to embrace him in a way that would somehow shield him from the world, even though Cas had already proven time and time again that he couldn’t. 

“I hate fire. I want to live in a cold snowy place that hardly has fires. Every year in LA is fucking scary. I could have lost everything every fire season.”

Cas kissed Dean’s hair again. “Sounds like Vancouver was the perfect choice all along, then.” He stayed put for a moment longer and then rubbed Dean’s arm and leaned back a bit. “Are you ready to go? We’re a little too vulnerable here. I’ll drive.”

Dean nodded and stood up, wiping his eyes and climbing in the car. He scooted much closer to Cas this time and laid his head on his shoulder.

“We’re going to be fine. I promise.” Cas repeated the same gesture he had a dozen times already and brushed his lips against Dean’s head. “Now, would you like some good news for a change?”

A soft, bitter laugh escaped Dean. “Is there such a thing anymore?”

 _I sure hope so._ “I suppose we’ll find out… I have a surprise for you in Teske.”


	15. Hideaway

**Dean**

As they pulled off the road in Teske, nothing could be seen for miles. “Cas, are you sure this is where we should meet? Why not somewhere closer to... civilization? Is this even a town?”

“Technically, yes, it’s a town… we’re just on the very edge of it. It was safer this way, you’ll see why in a moment.” 

They finally spotted Jody’s truck, but still had to wait a couple of minutes as she drove down the long country road before finally reaching them. Dean couldn’t help but wonder what she brought...  _ wasn’t everything burned? What could she poss— Havoc. _ It hit him before she put the car in park. “Havoc?! Cas?” He jumped out of the car and sprinted to her truck, not caring how desperate he looked as he pulled her locked door three times. “C’mon.” He begged, knowing she was toying with him. 

His little fat body was jumping at the window and Dean could hear his whimpers through the glass. When she finally unlocked the door, Havoc jumped into Dean’s arms and started licking. “Havoc! Daddy’s here... I missed you too... You got bigger... Not the mouth, boy.” But Havoc didn’t care, and neither did Dean. A few tears escaped, but Havoc licked them away before anyone saw. He may not have anything but the things in that Impala, but he had his dog… and suddenly he knew everything would be okay.

Jody laughed as she got out of the car. “Thank god! He’s not exactly the world’s greatest passenger, he almost made me wreck about a dozen times.” She rounded the corner of the car and pulled Dean into a hug. “Hey, sweetie, how you holding up?” 

“Hey, Jody. I’m okay... Cas made sure of it.” Dean smiled over at Cas, thinking about where he would be without him. Maybe even dead. “He takes good care of me.”

She glanced between them and raised her brows, adopting that very ‘mom’ expression he actually kind of missed. “I’m surprised you two haven’t killed each other yet.” 

A small smile worked its way across Cas’ face as he approached to pet Havoc. “I’m quite sure he’s been tempted once or twice, but no. I think we’ve put our differences aside. Not to mention, I believe things will get easier once we’ve reached our destination… Life on the run hasn’t exactly been ideal for either one of us.” 

Dean huffed a laugh and leaned in to kiss Cas’ cheek. “He’s been a joy. Really.” He wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, that was for sure.

Jody didn’t appear surprised in the slightest. “How much longer do you guys have on the road?” 

“You know I can’t tell you that. We should be safe within the next couple of days, but beyond that...”

She sighed. “I know, I know. Well, I’ll let you boys get back to it then.” Jody reached out to say goodbye to Havoc and nodded toward her truck. “I wasn’t able to bring much, but Henry and Ben got to your house in time to save at least a few things. It’s all there.”

Dean handed Havoc to Cas and walked over to the bed of her truck. It was hardly anything. Some random clothes, his favorite mug, his pajama pants they knew he loved and... the guitar. “Jody! The guitar! Cas, look!” He brought it out and showed them with a huge smile. Not all was lost.  _ This _ was all that mattered — his dog, his guitar, and  _ his  _ Cas.

“That’s wonderful news, Dean.” Cas held Havoc close and the little fatass wriggled in his arms, but Cas didn’t seem to be pissy about it. He let Havoc kiss him and laughed quietly as Jody started moving Dean’s things to the Impala. “It’s about time something good happened, hm?”

Havoc licked his nose and Dean walked over with a grin. “So he can lick your face but I can’t?” He leaned in to lick his cheek, feeling too happy to care.

Cas’ bitchface was beautiful. “I’d prefer that no one licked my face, but if you must…” Havoc seemed to take that as an invitation, because he did it again. Cas sighed and handed the chubby pup back to Dean. “He’s all yours. I’ll drive the rest of the way.”

Jody smiled warmly at the two of them. “You boys be safe, okay? I’m only a phone call away if you need me, and I know the others would say the same thing. We’ve got your back.”

“Thanks Jody.” Dean walked over and pulled her in for a big hug. “Missed you. Glad you’re doing okay. Sorry for all the stress.”  _ It’s all my fault. _

She shrugged it off and rubbed his arm. “Eh, what’s life without a little excitement, huh? It’s been a pleasure working for you all these years, stress or no stress. Keep in touch, okay?”

“Will do. You take care of yourself. Drive safe.” They piled inside the Impala and Dean held Havoc a little closer. “I missed you, boy. Did you miss me? I’m never leaving you behind again.” He kissed his head softly.

Cas waited until Jody’s truck was out of sight to even start the Impala, and then the last leg of their journey began. “We should be at the cabin by nightfall, as long as we don’t have to stop too many times.”

“Havoc might need to stop a few extra times, but we’ll get there. And you know how he eats. He needs food every other hour like his daddy. Huh? Daddy Cas is gonna take care of both of us, Havy.” Dean kept baby talking and petting him like he was the best thing in the world... because he was. “He’s bigger, huh? Heavy as hell on my lap now.”

He nodded in response, reaching a hand over to scratch Havoc’s head. “He is. I can’t tell if he’s just growing quickly, or if this entire ordeal has lasted longer than I think it has. My days are starting to blur together.” 

_ Mine too, Cas. Mine too.  _ “Maybe we can stop in Seattle? Sleep in a real hotel before that last stretch. Maybe have a date? Outside of course.” He knew it was a long shot, but the idea of having one last normal day in the States made him feel a little better.

Cas looked like the word ‘no’ was itching to come out, but one glance at the hopeful expression on Dean’s face had him softening. “And you’ll listen to me, no matter what?”

“Don’t I always?” Cas’ face made him laugh obnoxiously loud. “Okay fine... I’ll listen.” Dean reached over to take his hand, and Cas reluctantly took it. 

He was squeezing too tightly, like he already regretted agreeing. “Where do you want to go, exactly? I want to be prepared.”

“Uhh...” He pulled out his phone. “Let me look at somewhere nice, open and not too packed. Sound good?” Dean ignored all his notifications and started googling. It only took a few minutes for him to find a place for pie, now he just needed to find food.

Cas sighed quietly and shifted his position in the driver’s seat, which wouldn’t have meant much of anything if Dean didn’t know a squirmy Cas was a nervous Cas. “I’d actually prefer it wasn’t  _ that  _ open. Something with controlled points of entry and exit would be better, my eyes can’t be everywhere at once.”

“I have eyes too, ya know. But okay, what about a restaurant with a back patio for Havoc? Looks like a woodsy area is close by... remember our walk in the woods?” He winked even though Cas had his eyes on the road.

The ghost of a smirk played across Cas’ face. “Yes, of course I do. But if we’re stopping anywhere near Seattle, it’s too risky. There wasn’t another human being around for miles last time.”

Dean’s phone buzzed a moment later and he looked down to see a message from someone he didn’t expect to hear from again.

**Jask:** **_Hey, I know this is a few days late, but I figured you were getting overwhelmed. I’m fucking proud of you, D. Seriously. Fuck what people say. You need a friend, you gimme a call, okay? Tell that bodyguard of yours I said hey. 😛_ **

The little shit included a tongue emoji at the end, but Dean would never be able to express how thankful he was for what he said. 

**Dean:** **_Hey J. Thanks man. I haven’t been on my phone much but I really appreciate it. Bodyguard is off limits tho, you get a haircut yet?_ **

He was grinning, because it had been so long since he played around with someone that  _ wasn’t _ Cas. He added a scissor emoji before pressing send.

“Good news for once?” Cas glanced over and flicked his eyes to the lit phone screen. “I haven’t seen you smile at something other than Havoc or sex in quite awhile.”

“I smile at you all the time. And not just for sex.” He scrolled back to the text and read it to him. “Just feels good to see any support right now, Cas.”

Cas beamed at him. “I suppose I can’t hate him anymore, hm?”

**Jask:** **_Hell no, these locks are here to stay. I’m happy for you, D. Seriously. Hope you’re safe out there. Things will get easier soon. I wasn’t the only one that came out to support you publicly._ **

**Dean:** **_Publicly?_ **

He hadn’t looked at any social media in a while, but maybe he should? Maybe it wasn’t all negativity anymore.

**Jask:** **_You didn’t know? Hang on._ **

A second later, another text came in with a link to an interview that Jask had done with one of those dumbass entertainment magazines. It wasn’t a tabloid, which meant people might actually pay attention to it. 

—

Interviewer:  _ So, you were close with Dean Winchester. Did you know he was gay?  _

Jaskier:  _ Of course I did, I was his boyfriend for awhile, not that it’s any of your business. I think it’s great he finally came out, and what they did to him was sh*tty.  _

Interviewer:  _ As an openly gay man yourself, how did it feel to be kept in Dean’s closet? _

Jaskier:  _ Honestly? It didn’t bother me that he wanted to keep me a secret, it bothered me that he  _ **_had_ ** _ to. I mean c’mon, how f*cking uncivilized are we as a whole that Dean had to hide at all? That anyone needs to hide?  _

Interviewer:  _ You raise an interesting point. Do you think that someone as influential and loved as Dean coming out will change the tide? _

Jaskier:  _ If it doesn’t, then I don’t know what will. The only other thing I’ll say about it is people need to mind their own d*mn business, and quit threatening him. You guys just look stupid, and you’re messing with someone’s life. For what? So you can reach some pearly gate? Bet none of those Bible-thumping idiots even realize God never said a d*mn word about homos. Oh, and one more thing — to anyone else out there that’s in the closet, you call me if you need help coming out. I got you. And if I can’t, I’ve got about a hundred friends that’d help you in a heartbeat. Nobody should have to live in fear because of who they love.  _

— 

The interview drifted into areas about their sex life, and Dean was extremely fucking grateful Jask didn’t go into details; his only response from that point forward was ‘if you can tell me what that has to do with anything, I’ll tell you. If not, next question.’ 

Cas cleared his throat quietly. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh yeah... J did an interview about me, listen...” Dean read him the interview, smiling the whole time. “... he didn’t have to do that for me, but he did. Feels nice.”

His phone chimed and he went back to their text thread.

**Jask:** **_I figured boyfriend was better than telling them the truth, you have enough shit to deal with. Also, fuck that Ishim guy... let him come to one of my games. Imma aim right for his stupid fucking face._ **

**Dean:** **_Yeah... that dude was a rapist man. He should probably be in fucking prison, but I have no proof so, whatever. It was my fault anyway._ **

The response came almost instantly. 

**Jask:** **_Wait, what?_ **

**Jask _: That fucking asshole raped you then bragged about it?_**

**Dean:** **_No no no, let me explain. Sorry._ **

**Dean:** **_I technically can’t call him a rapist, I got him into my hotel, I prepped myself, I told him to fuck me. But he shoved it inside without lube and I doubt he’d have stopped when I said stop, so I called for Cas. He may not have “raped” me, but the dude had serious rapists vibes. Didn’t seem the type to take no for an answer._ **

The car abruptly came to a stop and Dean looked up from his phone to see they’d arrived at that restaurant. Cas left the car running and looked over at him, a slightly concerned look on his face. “Dean… help me out here. Everything you told me has been positive, and yet you’re clenching your jaw. Talk to me.”

“It’s okay, Cas. I was just telling him about Ishim. He brought him up and the thought of him makes me angry. It’s fine. Let’s try this restaurant.” Havoc jumped up and sniffed around. “You want some food too huh, boy?”

Whether Cas believed it was fine or not, he got out of the car and circled around to open Dean’s door. He looked nervous, but then again that was kinda just Cas’ face now. After a quick confirmation they allowed dogs, they got seated on the outside patio and Dean checked his phone again. 

**Jask:** **_Fuck, D. I’m sorry. I hope you and Cas at least quit denying how you feel about each other. I know he and I didn’t get along but I know he’d never do some fucked up shit like that to you._ **

**Dean:** **_No he wouldn’t. And yeah, no more dancing around it. He’s... amazing, J._ **

Dean was smiling again and showed Cas the texts, and the giant bear actually blushed. “I’m glad you think so, Dean. For better or worse, I have a feeling we’ll be stuck together for quite some time.”

“More like forever.” Dean looked down at his menu. “I wanna burger. You gonna get stabby with a steak knife again?”

Cas raised an eyebrow and tried to look innocent. “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about. I brought my own this time.” He patted the pocket of his jeans. “Courtesy of Jody.”

“Fucking ninjas. I didn’t even see that deal go down.” Dean smiled and reached out for Cas’ hand. “Think they’ll give Havoc a bowl of water?” He waved a hand at the waiter to ask.

It happened in an instant — Cas took Dean’s hand and shifted his eyes toward the waiter, and whatever the hell he saw had him standing so fast he nearly flipped the table over. “Dean, cover your head.” His tone was ice and precision, and by the time Dean tried to see what the fuck was happening, Cas’ huge body was completely blocking him.

“Cas! What’s happening?” A few people around them looked over in surprise, Havoc growled from under the table and Dean stayed sitting as he fought the urge to stand. He didn’t want Cas to block him, he wanted Cas safe. For the first time in his life, Dean had someone that  _ he _ wanted to protect.

**Castiel**

Blood pulsed in his ears even as the rest of the world went quiet. His hand was on his gun before he could think twice about it, and the waitress screamed despite him not having drawn it yet. His eyes locked on the  _ other  _ man with a gun, and for a moment, nothing at all happened.

The man slowly raised his arms, palms out, and stared straight at Cas. “Hey, I don’t want any trouble. Just a man taking his family out for dinner, there’s nothing to see here.”

Cas searched his periphery for proof and saw two young children cowering against their mother, and the truth of the situation knocked incessantly at his brain.  _ He’s not a threat. He recognized Dean and happens to have a gun, he didn’t come here to attack Dean. Not everyone wants to attack Dean.  _ He forced his shoulders to relax despite his still-climbing heart rate. “As you were. My apologies.” 

His words didn’t seem to be convincing enough, because the family quickly left the restaurant without turning their backs to Castiel.  _ Damnit, now I’m terrorizing innocents.  _ Shame threatened to bubble to the surface but at the end of the day, he’d rather startle a family than not react at all and have the worst happen. Dean would  _ always  _ come first. 

“My apologies,” he repeated, to no one in particular. The waitress was still staring wide-eyed at his hand, and Cas slowly moved it from its place on his gun and offered her a weak, exhausted smile. “I’m his bodyguard.” 

Dean stood up and touched Cas’ shoulder. “Let’s get it to go, Cas. We’ll feel better when we just get to where we need to be. Can we get our food to go please?”

Hearing Dean’s tone didn’t help the embarrassment burning in his gut for ruining everyone’s evening over nothing, but the waitress regained her faculties quickly enough to nod and take their order. Cas wasn’t even sure what he ordered, he was eager to get to a place where people weren’t staring at  _ him _ instead of Dean. 

Ten awkward minutes later, they were back in the car with their food and a bottle of water for Havoc. Cas took a deep breath when he pulled out onto the road again and snuck a sideways glance at Dean. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m sorry I had that dumb idea. We’ll get there, I shouldn’t have rushed it.” He took Cas’ hand and kissed it. “We’ll be there soon and we’ll finally relax. Thanks for being prepared though, I woulda freaked if I saw the gun before you.”

The fact that Dean was being so kind about it nearly made it worse, but the fact that he wasn’t angry ended up doing quite a lot for the knot in his chest. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to  _ not _ react like that, Dean. I’m sorry, I know I keep saying that, but…” he trailed off, not knowing how to equate the things he’d seen in war to what they were experiencing now in words. He’d never been very good at that. 

“It’s okay. Tell me anything you can, I wanna understand. Talk to me, Cas.”

He licked his lips, focusing on the yellow lines splitting the road to keep himself centered. “When I was overseas, threats came from everywhere, you have to understand that. The people we were fighting… they weren’t some cohesive unit that attacked all at once in a neat little formation. They used women…  _ children. _ Anyone they could, the less outwardly threatening, the better. They came from all sides, all directions, all times of the day and through the night. No one was innocent; no one could be trusted. That kind of suspicion, fear, and distrust isn’t something I think I’ll ever move past, especially when I know there are people that would rather see you dead than alive. When I realized he recognized you and saw that gun…” Cas clenched his jaw, the ball of his tongue ring pressing into the roof of his mouth in a way that would’ve been painful if it wasn’t doing such a good job of holding him steady. 

Dean scooted over and kissed his cheek, holding his arm in a way that implied he wanted to hug him but driving made that impossible. “I’m sorry you went through that. I... wish I could help.”

“You do help, Dean. First of all, you gave me a job when not many others would have. I have no skills other than this. Not to mention, you were so… innocent. So  _ pure, _ that it reminded me what it was all for. Of course, there were days I fantasized about ending you myself, but… when it came down to it, you reminded me how to be more than just a Marine.”

“Well good. I wanna help you forever... or until you get sick of me. But you’re so much more than a Marine, Cas. Especially to me.”

A small smile played across his lips and he took a deep breath, knowing that he didn’t have to hide from Dean. He’d never have to try and be something he wasn’t, and he was offering the same to Dean in return. “I’ve loved you for years, Dean. You know that, don’t you? There was never any chance I’d end up with someone else, even if you had chosen differently. You gave me my life back, and now I’m going to do whatever I can to give you back yours.”

Cas may have been watching the road, but he could still see the big smile on Dean’s face. “Nah, I choose you. Only you.”

The words sent warmth flooding through his veins in the best way, and he was grateful Dean hadn’t tried to say it back yet. This meant more, so much more. He brought Dean’s hand to his lips and kissed it softly, holding for a couple of moments before releasing. “Good, then eat your dinner. Forever won't be very long at all if I let you starve to death.”

Dean chuckled quietly and unpacked their to-go bag, and Cas turned up the radio for him as they had their dinner date inside of that Impala.

~~~~

A car had followed them for several miles, so when they got close to the cabin, Cas made about a dozen additional turns just to make sure they weren’t legitimately being tailed. Sheer exhaustion was tugging at his bones, but Dean and Havoc looked so peaceful snuggled up together that he hadn’t been able to bring himself to wake them up to switch. 

As it was, by the time he pulled into the long, winding driveway to their little hideaway, Cas considered it a miracle that they’d made it in one piece. He wasn’t sure if it was fatigue, relief, or both, but when he finally stopped the car and put it in park… he nearly cried. They were safe, after what amounted to nearly two weeks of uncertainty and danger. 

They were  _ safe.  _

He tapped Dean’s shoulder lightly and whispered his name. Havoc huffed, wiggling his fat body on Dean’s lap and settling back down like he was content to stay in that car all night.  _ Well I’m not, I need a bed. And a toilet. And a shower…  _ “Dean?”

“Hmm?” He hummed, not opening his eyes. “C’mere.” Dean pulled him in to cuddle, and Cas got the feeling he’d forgotten they were in a car.

Dean was warm and comforting, and even Havoc scooted over to make room. It was nearly enough to convince Cas to simply close his eyes and let sleep take him, but they weren’t as safe in the car as they would be inside. He fought his instincts and the tug of his eyelids and sat up, gently shaking Dean. “Come on, we’re here. Wouldn’t you rather sleep in a bed?”

“Bed?” Dean peeked an eye open and glanced around adorably. “Finally.” He sighed and looked up at the well-lit cabin. They had the cleaners come out a few days prior and yesterday the handlers had enough food delivered to last about a month... for normal people — probably much less for Dean. “Let’s go shower. Think there’s food here?” He jumped out of the car and made his way up.  _ He’s already thinking about food, I shouldn’t be surprised.  _

Knowing there had been people there at all worried Cas, he would’ve preferred handling things himself instead of allowing an unknown number of strangers to know the cabin would be in use at all, but this way he wouldn’t need to leave Dean in order to shop for groceries or try to set up a delivery account with the alias Dean had used to purchase the property in the first place. All it meant was that he’d need to remain as vigilant as ever, but at least they had an alarm system so he’d be able to hopefully rest for a few hours at a time. 

They settled in quickly, and Dean snacked on whatever he found in the cupboards as Cas unpacked their things and Havoc sniffed out his new habitat. Not having much meant the unpacking was easy, and after a quick trip to the restroom, he was beyond ready to go to sleep. “Do you remember the code for your alarm?”

“Dick! The code is dick. 3425.” Cas could hear him giggling about it in the kitchen and didn’t need to see him to know how pleased he was with himself.

_ I should’ve known.  _ Cas set the alarm and relaxed only once the green light flipped to red. “Are you tired, or did you get enough sleep in the car?”

“I’m still tired. But I wanna shower first. You should get some sleep.” He hopped off the counter and wiped his hands on his pants as he walked over. “You hungry? Or too tired?”

Cas shook his head, pulling Dean in the rest of the way and kissing him gently. “I’ll eat when I wake up, I probably won’t sleep for long.”

“You need to. We’re safe out here, Cas. Get some sleep.” Dean kissed him again, wrapping his arms around him. “Home, sweet home.”

_ Home.  _ He wasn’t sure they’d ever be truly safe, but it was worlds better than where they’d been. Cas couldn’t help himself; he kissed Dean a third time and slid his hands into his waistband to bring him closer, and this time, he wasn’t prepared to stop right away. He nipped at Dean’s bottom lip and slid his tongue forward until Dean opened for him.

Dean went pliant and willing to Cas’ touch as he moaned into his mouth. Exhaustion was pushed aside as their bodies rutted together, and just as it started, it ended. Dean pulled away and licked his lips with a grin. “Bed, Cas. You need sleep. I’m all yours tomorrow.”

He would’ve been offended if that wasn’t the first time he’d ever witnessed Dean truly putting someone else’s needs above his own, and because of that, Cas simply nodded. “Join me when you’re done in the shower.” He smiled sleepily at Dean and ignored the budding erection in his jeans as he made his way to the bedroom. 

In a few quick, practiced movements, Cas was collapsing on the bed in just his briefs. He heard the water running not long after, but despite how hard he tried to stay awake… he didn’t make it. He dozed off thinking about everything they’d done to get where they were, and all the things they still needed to do to get where they wanted to be. 

It didn’t make for very restful sleep. 

The next morning, Cas woke up and felt a lump between him and Dean. Frowning, he rolled back far enough to get a good look at it and saw it was just Havoc, sandwiching himself between them. They were both still fast asleep, and as Cas didn’t exactly have somewhere to be, he settled back down and smiled contentedly. His fingers traced lazy, gentle circles over Havoc’s back and angled his upper body to be closer to Dean, tired of all the space that had been repeatedly shoved between them for way too long. 

The dog, on the other hand, had other plans. Not five minutes later, he was yelping quietly and wriggling off the bed with a muted thump. Cas rolled his eyes but used the opportunity to slide closer to Dean, until he realized Havoc probably had to pee. Grumbling, Cas got up and took Havoc outside. 

It was a lot colder in Vancouver than it had been in Miami, and it made the entire thing more jarring for him. Realistically, he knew not much time had passed since Dean officially came out and they’d started their journey, but it felt like so much had occurred and the weather had changed so drastically that it may as well have been months later. It wasn’t as though time mattered anymore. For the foreseeable future, they were both unemployed and wouldn’t be leaving the cabin barring a catastrophe. 

Havoc did his business in the snow and looked grumpier than usual as he trotted back up the stairs to the porch and shook off the white powder. Cas followed him in quickly, shaking slightly because he hadn’t thought to put a coat on himself. The dog scurried back into their bedroom and Cas almost went with him, but the sun was starting to come up and Cas was ready for some coffee.

The smell of breakfast must’ve enticed Dean to finally get up, because he felt arms around his waist just as he was moving the bacon from the skillet to a plate. Cas hummed quietly and turned his head to kiss him. “Good morning.” 

“Mornin’.” Dean kissed down his cheek lovingly and nuzzled in his neck. “Missed you.”

Cas smiled and turned to face him, bumping his nose against Dean’s. “I would’ve still been in bed with you, but our dog had other plans.” 

“Havoc’s a butthead. Is it snowin’?” Dean let go of Cas and walked to the window. He was wearing some red flannel pj’s and a white shirt, his hair was disheveled from sleep, and his smile could light up a room. “Don’t get this in LA.”

_ There are a lot of things we couldn’t get in LA.  _ Cas nodded, dishing up the rest of the food and sitting down at their small kitchen table. “I assume it snows quite a bit up here. I’m surprised  _ you  _ seem surprised, given how much time you spend in Vancouver.” 

“Not surprised. I just... Love it. I dunno. Normally when I come, it already snowed, or I wake up the next day with snow everywhere. I don’t get to watch it fall often.” He left the window and sat next to Cas. “Just feels... romantic. Wanna roast some marshmallows after breakfast? Maybe fuck by the fire?” Dean took a bite of bacon and wiggled his eyebrows.

Cas let out a laugh, not bothering to mute the smile that spread across his face. “Why not both? I certainly don’t have anywhere else to be.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more 😬


	16. Long As I Can See the Light

**Dean**

After breakfast, Cas insisted he clean the kitchen for Dean — which was fine with him. Havoc needed to explore anyway, so he took the pup outside and sat on the deck for a while. 

It was so fucking nice outside. Yeah, it was cold, but Dean felt a sense of calm and peace he never thought he’d feel. The cabin was always his safe haven, and it was crazy to realize that even back then, he was never truly happy. The cabin was where he ran when things got hard, and although that was why they were here, it felt different. 

He didn’t run _away_ here, he ran _to_ here. Toward the one place where he wasn’t Dean Winchester, child actor. He was just… Dean. 

Havoc sniffed around the trees, marking the place as his own and Dean pulled out his phone to check on Jo. They hadn’t really spoken in a while, and his decision affected her too. It was selfish of him to come out, but she had his back and he could never express how much that meant to him. 

Dean opted to call instead of text, and maybe he should have texted first, because she didn’t answer. He wasn’t worried though, she was probably just enjoying her coffee with her— _ring._

“That was fast.” He answered the call with a smile. “Hey, Jo. How’s it goin’?”

She laughed softly. “Better than you, Renegade. You two holding up okay?”

“Three. I got my fat boy here, too.” He chuckled. “We’re okay. Takin’ it one day at a time, but I think we’re finally somewhere we can relax. How are things over there?”

Jo _aww’d_ and let out a sigh. “We’re fine, Drake and I decided not to keep our relationship a secret anymore. If you had the guts to come out, so did we. It’s been rocky and the paparazzi hasn’t left us alone for a second, but I’m proud of him. He’s handling it better than I thought he would. How’s your _bodyguard_ handling things?”

“That’s good to hear, Jo. I’m happy for you. People really wanna know our damn business, huh? Cas is doing good. Still very protective, but in a cute way now.” He paused a minute to stand up and kick some snow off the deck. “I dunno if I ever wanna leave.”

A satisfied hum snaked its way out of her. “I knew you two would figure it out. And if you don’t wanna leave, don’t leave. I’ve watched him follow you around like an extremely tense, pissed off guard dog for years — I’m sure he’d stay with you if you asked.”

“Yeah... probably. I just hate the fame now, Jo. People are ugly and I saw their true colors. I don’t want any part of that. I saw who my real friends were, though, and Ashton really surprised me. He helped Cas get me outta there.”

Cas came out a moment later and sat down next to him, and Dean missed the first part of her response. 

“... not that bad, honestly. He keeps asking me if you guys made it or not, and I haven’t answered because I didn’t know _what_ to tell him. I’m really glad you called, Dean. A lot of us have been worried.”

“M’sorry. I just needed to clear my head. I expected some negative shit but not this. I didn’t expect my life to be threatened and my home to be burned down.” Dean looked down as Havoc ascended the steps to sit by his feet.

He could practically hear her heart breaking through the phone. “I’m so, so sorry, Dean. And I’ll never understand why that had to happen, but maybe in a weird, horrific way… it was the push you needed.”

“Yeah, maybe. I’ll check in more often, sorry. I just checked out for a bit, but I already feel better. I needed to get away. I do still feel bad for basically outing you, too. That wasn’t fair to you.” Cas reached for his hand and he took it happily, bringing it up to kiss it multiple times.

“I understand, that’s why I didn’t call. I figured you just needed time. Reach out whenever you want, okay? And don't worry about us, we’ll be fine. We both love you.”

“Love you guys, too. Take care, okay? I’ll randomly send some pics of Havoc to make you smile.” Havoc put his paws up on him when he heard his name.

Jo said goodbye and hung up, and Cas was frowning at Havoc. “Mine.”

“Hey. No fighting, you two.” Dean grinned and slid over into Cas’ lap. “Hi.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him and kissed him, pulling back looking decidedly less crabby. “What can I say? I get my attention-seeking tendencies from you.”

“Mmm, well I love it.” Dean kissed him and then moved to straddle him. “Think this chair can even hold us?” He looked at the legs of the chair, and Havoc took that as his cue to jump up on Cas, too.

That seemed to be all that chair could take, and Dean heard it snap a half second before they tumbled to the ground. Everyone was unhurt, but Havoc licking Cas’ bitchface was the icing on the cake, and Dean laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe.

“So. How about them marshmallows, Cas?”

~~~~

They had to search a while for something that could be used for the marshmallows, but Dean found some old kabob sticks from last summer that would work just fine. Whoever got their groceries was awesome. They had everything they needed to make smores if they wanted, but they opted for just some hot chocolate and roasted marshmallows. Dean started some chili for later while Cas set up the fire and took a shower.

The lube was next to the couch, but there was no rush. Just sitting together sounded so enticing, Dean felt like a kid on Christmas. He set out a few blankets and pillows for them on the floor, and set up the scene to look like a winter picnic. _Blankets and pillows — check. Candles — check. Hot chocolate — check. Marshmallows — check. Sticks — check. Surprised prepped asshole — check. Needy boyfriend in need of cuddles — check. Sexy bodyguard — hmpf. Where the hell is he?_

Within a minute of those thoughts, Cas walked out in some adorable bumble bee pajama pants and a black t-shirt, looking so damn comfortable Dean couldn’t wait to get cozy by the fire. “C’mere handsome. Alarm is on, Havoc went to the bathroom, dinner is on the stove, time to relax with your boyfriend.”

Cas looked around and took in the scene. “You did all this while I was in the shower?” He climbed on the covers with a surprised but pleased look, and leaned in for a kiss.

Dean suddenly realized that he would probably never get used to kissing Cas. He still got those damn butterflies in his stomach when he remembered that of all the people in the world, this strong, gorgeous man chose _him._ And not just for looks, but for who he was as a person. 

“So, I been thinkin’. Not just since we got here, since… hell, before I even came out.” Dean looked down and started fidgeting with a string on the blanket. “I don’t think I wanna… be famous anymore.”

Silence met his confession and Cas looked like he was actually struggling to process those words. After a moment to collect himself, Cas nodded. “Are you sure, Dean? I don’t want to seem like I’m undermining your decision or making it out to be something it’s not, but I want to make sure that this isn’t coming from a place of fear. If you want to fight for your career, I’ll stand beside you.”

“I know, Cas.” Dean reached for his hand, trying to find a way to explain. “I know you have my back no matter what. I just want this. I’ve never been happy before this. But... I’m happy now. Here, with you. I don’t wanna go back. There’s nothing out there for me.” Maybe he was ‘hiding’, but it didn’t really feel that way. He just felt... home.

The look in Cas’ eyes was unreadable. “As long as you know that if at any point, you change your mind… I’ll understand. I don’t ever want you to feel like you're boxed into a situation ever again, and I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason for it. So if in six months, or another five years, you decide you want to go back to acting? I’ll understand, and I will support you. Nothing has to be permanent anymore.”

“I know. Thanks, Cas.” Dean kissed his lips softly. “I’ve honestly never wanted anything more. I know it’s only been like less than a day, but I already feel happy here. This was always my happy place and now I get to be here with you.”

Cas nodded, reaching over to take Dean’s hand. “And believe it or not, _you_ have been _my_ happy place since the day we met. So, wherever you go or don’t go… count me in. I love you, and I can’t imagine being anywhere else.” 

He cut off any chance of response with another soft kiss, which quickly became heated — unlike their forgotten marshmallows — and Cas rolled Dean onto his back in one swift movement, pinning him down in a way that had Dean’s dick so on board it felt like it might rip through his pants. Feeling Cas’ arousal against his had him pushing at their pajamas like they were offensive, anything to get skin on skin contact with the man he loved. _Loved. Holy shit, I fucking love Cas. Even crazier — he loves me, too! I gotta find a good time to tell him… not right now. Focus Dean._ He may have never said those words or even felt those feelings before, but he knew exactly what they were — true love.

“Cas.. fuck me. M’already prepped.” He wiggled underneath Cas’ weight and smiled as he watched Cas’ pupils dilate in pleasure. His growl spoke volumes as he rutted his bare cock into Dean’s. “Lube is right there babe. I need you.”

Dean knew what _those_ three words did for Cas. Cas absolutely _loved_ feeling needed, and Dean hoped he knew that he was needed for so much more than just sex. He needed him, because he made him feel whole. Cas didn’t have to say he felt the same; Dean knew. Cas always made sure Dean knew. 

Castiel grabbed the lube and was back on top of Dean in a flash, lubing up his fingers, “I know you said you prepped, but I want to be sure you’re ready and I still want to taste you.” Before Dean could respond, Cas swallowed his throbbing length down in one swoop. 

“Ah Cas… fuck! That mouth is fucking perfect.” Dean kneaded through Cas’ messy hair, groaning when he slid in two fingers at once. “See…” 

“Mhmm.” He mumbled around his cock, working those fingers until Dean was about to beg for more, and then he slid in a third. 

It took everything to keep his mouth shut. Dean could feel how close they were to actually fucking and he knew one bratty remark could push things back to step one. He bit his lip in effort to be good and bucked his hips upwards. Cas grabbed his right hip with his free hand and pinned him back down, sliding up and down his length two more times before finally pulling off with a flushed smile. 

“Impatient, are we?” Cas’ voice was sinfully wrecked from having Dean’s cock in his throat. 

“Please…” Dean whispered, not caring if he just begged. 

Cas noticed, he sat up and tilted his head, amusement on his face as he lubed up his dick absentmindedly. 

Dean huffed a laugh and playfully rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I said please, and I ain’t too proud to say it again. I want you, I need you, please fuck me, baby.”

In any other circumstance, Dean surely would have heard something about that eye roll, but apparently his words got him off the hook, because Cas kissed him fiercely and lined up his cock. “So beautiful, Dean.” He pushed the head inside and moaned happily. “You begging for my cock is something we are definitely going to have to experiment with, but right now, I need you, too.” Cas brought their lips together again and pushed further inside.

“Fuck... yes… I love your dick so fucking much!” Dean loved feeling full, loved feeling how aroused his partner was as he sunk into his body, and loved knowing that hard dick was all for him. Cas took his sweet ass time, probably to keep Dean from feeling any pain, but also… had to be teasing. “Cas, move… please.”

Again, Dean saw a look in Cas’ eyes that said Dean was being bratty, but before he could comment on that, Dean reached down to stroke himself. As soon as Cas’ eyes traveled down to his fist, Dean knew he was once again in the clear. Cas pulled out until just the head was inside and slammed back in. Their moans were so loud it was impossible to know who was louder. 

Dean glanced down and saw Cas’ pajamas were still on, around his knees and the idea that Cas wanted this so bad he didn’t bother to take off his clothes had Dean leaking onto his stomach. His ass was getting pounded by an ex-Marine in fucking bee-printed pajama pants, why was that so damn hot? “Cas! M’close!” Dean stilled his hand, letting Cas’ thrusts do all the work and soon he was emptying all over his torso with a series of _ah_ noises.

Cas must have liked what he saw, because his thrusts became erratic and he slammed deep inside, filling Dean up with the hottest sounding grunt Dean had ever heard. They laid there as long as they could, breathing together as their orgasmic bliss slowly faded away and his ass kicked Cas’ spent cock out of his body. 

Once they were all clean, they finally started on their marshmallows. It didn’t matter that their hot chocolates were now cold chocolates, what mattered was they were together. They were home.

**Castiel**

Time blurred as the weeks flew by, and Cas was still head over heels for Dean. He had unsurprisingly fallen more in love with the brat with each passing day. There were times when Dean was just that — a brat. But mostly, Cas had seen tremendous growth in him. 

Dean was still spoiled, but it was different now. He acted spoiled for Cas’ attention, not just because he was entitled. He took care of Cas in ways he never expected, and he had gotten ridiculously good at cooking, so much so that they decided he was the cook in the relationship. Cas was fine with that, he preferred cleaning anyway. 

He sat on the porch with Havoc, staring out at the snow dusted trees, remembering how he got here. 

The day Cas met Dean, he knew he was in for it… but he had no idea just how far they would come.   
  


_“Alright. No way I’m going to pass up a fellow Marine with this sort of resume. But you need to know all the facts here.” Sonny pulled out a sheet of paper and slid it forward. “Before I can tell you, I need you to sign this confidentiality form, and if you’re okay with what I tell you, we can move forward with employment.”_

_Cas had eyed the form with all the suspicion his life experiences called for, but ultimately signed. He needed the job, and a quick glance at the fine print told him there was nothing malicious about the form. He signed his name and slid it back. “Aye aye, Sir.”_

_“Okay, Dean is well... Dean. You will know what I mean by that soon. He’s been famous his entire life, lost his entire family while he was working on set as a child. Maturity is... not his forte.” Sonny cleared his throat. “He’s also closeted. Abaddon has ensured it in his contract that he stay in the closet. The problem with it is he doesn’t want to be. And he makes our lives difficult. Keeping him in line is a full time job all on its own, but I think you might be the best man for the job. Is him being a gay man a problem for you?”_

_That thought was laughable, but Cas maintained a stone expression. “It’s not, but I should disclose that I’m also a gay man. I assure you, it won’t get in the way of my responsibilities.”_

_“That’s actually good. He could use someone to talk to, and someone to look up to. Have you met him yet?” Sonny pulled out a cell phone, typed a message and then put it away._

_When Cas had confirmed he hadn’t met Dean, he was taken to him. He was a few years older than Dean, but there were very few people in the States that didn’t know who he was, and Cas thought he was prepared for actually meeting him._

_He wasn’t._

_One look at Dean had Cas feeling lightheaded — there was no_ **_way_ ** _that he was naturally that beautiful, it had to be makeup. But why would he be made up in the comfort of his own home?_

_Dean shoved an entire cookie in his mouth and walked over to Cas, shamelessly checking him out. He then stood next to him stiffly with his hands behind his back in a mock stance. “What’s the 10.4, Officer Statue?”_

_There were so many things incorrect about that it was nearly physically painful — but as far as Cas was aware, his job was to keep Dean alive, not correct his ignorance. “My name is Castiel, although something tells me you’ll never remember that. I’m not sure how much you were told about my arrival, but I’m now your bodyguard.”_

_“Cast— Ima call you Cas. Military, huh? Let me guess, Marines?”_

_His attempt to stand straighter went unnoticed, because it wasn’t possible. Though not being labeled as a soldier right off the bat was a very welcome change, he was curious what gave him away. “Yes, how did you know?”_

_“I have this theory. Every branch has a different sized stick up their ass, Navy got the smaller sticks because they like shit up their ass but really couldn’t handle anything bigger. Then there's the Air Force, they can handle the average stick. Army sticks are bigger than Air Force just to be able to say they have a bigger stick. That leaves the Marines, and buddy, you have an entire oak tree shoved up yours.”_

_The longer Dean talked, the more irritated Cas got. However, not only was it to be expected of someone like Dean, it would also at least make things interesting… particularly because Cas had zero intentions of letting Dean walk all over him. He raised a single eyebrow and smirked just enough to prove a point. “I’m a hard top, Dean. But that was a valiantly juvenile answer, I now understand why I was told maturity wasn’t really your thing.”_

_“Hard top, huh?” Dean licked his lips and smiled. “I like you, Cas. The last bodyguard told me to fuck off after that joke — probably because he was Navy — just had to make sure you had the stones. Honestly, I have the most respect for you guys. I know how hard it is to take something that big.”_

_Cas found himself internally softening. It made sense Dean would want to battle-test his guards, if nothing else, they needed to know how to keep a cool head. “Thank you, Dean. May I ask you a question?”_

_“Shoot.” Dean moved to stand in front of him, and Cas noticed — really noticed — how green his eyes were._

_It took him a moment to speak, to register anything at all other than the purity in those eyes that directly contrasted his extremely abrasive nature. “Is it true that your bodyguards perform additional duties? I was told it wasn’t just protection, and I’d like to know what I’m getting myself into before I officially accept the position.”_

_“Sometimes they make me a pb &j. Is that too much work?” He licked his lips and cocked his head, the corner of his mouth twitching in amusement. _

_“I’m not a maid.” The thought of going from an active war zone to making sandwiches for a spoiled rich kid was at once horrifying and strangely enticing. It was... simple. “But I’m willing to be flexible.”_

_“Oh, are you now?” Dean pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and huffed a laugh. “I’d like to see that. I’m used to being the flexible one.”_

_Cas allowed another ghost of a smirk to cross his face — if only Dean knew exactly how flexible Cas could make him, or about the tongue ring and tattoos he hid for this interview..._

_He snapped himself out of those thoughts and focused instead on how difficult guarding a brat would be, especially if he was as promiscuous as Sonny let on. “I’m interviewing you as much as you’re interviewing me. Tell me something about yourself that makes you different from the other celebrities currently seeking someone with my skill set. In other words, why should I choose you?”_

_“Well, my name is Dean Winchester. I am an Aquarius. I enjoy sunsets, long walks on the beach, and frisky men. I can bake a pie like no one’s business and unless I’m on set, I’m a prisoner in this house. At least your job would be easy if you vote Dean.” He clicked his tongue with a wink and walked over to grab another cookie as Cas squinted at him._

_There were probably several reasons not to ‘vote Dean,’ but there was something about his demeanor that made him want to stay. Yes, he was spoiled. Yes, he was crude and inappropriate. But he’d also suffered, and for Dean to still be so… full of light, there was real strength under that ridiculously handsome exterior._

_As he watched the crumbs tumble from Dean’s mouth to his tight-fitting shirt, Cas should have been grossed out… but somehow, even that was endearing. When Dean grinned sheepishly at having an audience for that, Cas’ sanity and judgement paired off and took a vacation together — and despite the fact that he could never explain it in words, he knew in that moment that he would die for Dean Winchester. It was stupid and abrupt and borderline unreasonable, but it was true._

_He took a deep breath and nodded once, sealing his own fate. “When do I start?”_

Cas smiled fondly as the memory faded out and he was brought back to present day. Five years later, he was still absolutely, unreasonably in love. 

Havoc jumped onto his lap, and Cas scratched behind his ears as he waited for Dean to join him on the front porch. The snow had finally made its way out and given way to the faintest hints of spring. It was unusually warm for the season, which was something they planned on taking full advantage of. 

The music took a moment to register, but he quickly realized Dean wouldn’t be joining him on the porch. _I should’ve known he’d get distracted._

He opened the door a crack to listen. In all their time at the cabin, Dean hadn’t touched the guitar — so hearing it along with his beautiful voice had Cas smiling and slipping inside the house. Havoc padded off towards the music, but Cas hovered, listening to Dean sing a song he was sure they’d heard on the radio. For someone who hadn’t played in months, Dean’s fingers were still making magic. 

“...I'm thinking out loud, that maybe we found love right where we are, oh...”

And that voice, Cas had never heard him sing that way before. There was no trace of humor, he wasn’t mocking some old hit, _this_ was Dean's real voice — and it was absolutely, unequivocally, the best sound he’d ever heard. 

When the last notes of the song trailed off, Cas cleared his throat and took a step closer to Dean’s back. “Only until we’re 70?”

Dean had the nerve to blush and set the guitar aside quickly. “Uh... didn’t I say 170?” He rubbed the back of his neck and stood, walking over with a small smile. “You creepin’ around the corner, Cas?”

“Yes, actually. You never sing like that for me, you’re usually a fool about it.” Cas pulled him in and kissed each corner of his mouth. “But I love you, and I loved _it._ I hope someday you’ll sing like that when I’m allowed to be listening.”

The air between them changed almost instantly, but it wasn’t bad; it was charged. Nervous, almost… and one look in Dean’s eyes told Cas it was coming from him. “I love you too, Cas.”

He’d never said it back before. All the times Cas had made it a point to tell him, to show him how much he was loved — Dean had never said it back. It simultaneously broke and repaired something inside of Castiel and his breath caught permanently in his throat. “What?”

Dean said it again, this time with confidence and truth ringing out in his words. “I love you, Cas. And not just cause you’re the only one here now. I love you because you’ve been there all along. Whether it was good or bad, you were there. You loved me before I loved myself... and thanks to you, I actually _do_ love myself. I love your personality and how you’re secretly nerdy. I love how fierce you are in everything you do, because that’s just who you are. A fierce Marine, a fierce friend, and an even fiercer lover. I don’t know if fiercer is a word, just roll with it.” Dean laughed with a smile that lit up the room. “The point is, I feel safe with you, I feel home with you. I... _love_ you.”

There weren’t words in any language Castiel had ever heard of that could convey the things going on in his chest, so he responded by cupping Dean’s face with both hands and kissing him with all the passion and intensity he couldn’t verbalize. Five years of love and fear, and a lifetime to come of promises. Cas could kiss those lips a million times and it still wouldn’t be enough. He'd always want more, need more, _crave_ more. 

He pulled back, breathless and happier than he had ever been, and the rest of the world ceased to matter — if it ever had at all. “I suppose it’s not so unreasonable then, is it?”

Dean tilted his head, still smiling like he’d won the lottery. “What the hell does that mean?”

Cas huffed an elated laugh and kissed him again. “Nothing, nothing at all.” _Dean loves me. After everything we’ve been through, everything he’s suffered and all the things I failed to protect him from… he loves me. He sees me, just like I see him._ “But now I’m no longer ashamed of thinking about where you and I will be in another five years.” He grinned, flipping the ball of his tongue ring between his teeth. “I have to admit, it’s crossed my mind more than once that it would be hilarious to see you get your brattiness handed back to you by an army of toddlers and bulldogs.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “You think I deserve kids? They’d probably kick me out the building if I tried to adopt.”

“You’re being overdramatic. You’d be an excellent father, if that was something you wanted.” Cas ran his thumb over the strong line of Dean’s jaw and leaned forward to kiss it. “Is it?”

He shrugged and averted Cas’ gaze. “Yeah... I do.” Dean blushed and chuckled to himself. “I always wanted kids. I used to say I didn’t, because I used to imagine how they would feel if I died and left them behind. But even then, I wanted them. D—do you?”

If Cas was telling the truth, he’d have to say that the thought never crossed his mind until that exact moment. His life was never very child-friendly, but now that everything was different… he glanced around their little cabin and could clearly picture one or two kids running around, and Dean serenading them to sleep with their grandfather’s guitar, and it felt more right than he’d anticipated. “Yes, with you… I think I do. But not for a couple of years, I’m not ready to share you.”

Dean beamed at Cas’ answer and leaned in to softly kiss his lips. “Good. I’m not ready to share you either.“

Cas smiled at the implication that they’d need to get married first, but didn’t want to overload Dean… and he had a plan for an _actual_ proposal. The details could wait, the rest of the world could wait. For now… Cas just wanted to dance. “Will you dance with me?”

“Course I will.” Dean kissed Cas’ forehead and walked over to turn on the radio. 

Of _all_ the songs... even if Cas was suddenly deaf, he’d know what song it was by Dean’s face. 

“Come on, Betty! ... If you'll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal. I can call you Betty, and Betty, when you call me, you can call me Al...”

That wasn’t the dancing Cas had in mind, but as Dean shimmied his way back over, he realized he couldn’t have picked a better song. “I’m not calling you Al, no matter how many times you make me listen to this.” 

Cas was still smiling as Dean reached out to take his hands and they started twirling around the room, tripping over a jumping, yapping Havoc. 

Dean spun him around and just kept singing. “... Na na na na, na na na na, na na na na, na na na na na na...”

He smiled down at Cas and pulled him close so their foreheads were pressed together. “I wanna be your bodyguard too, Cas.”

“You are, Dean. You are.” He kissed him, wrapping his arms around his muscled frame. “We’re a team, you and I. We protect each other, now that the rest of the world has moved on from us.”

“Thank god, right? Finally living in peace. Just you, me and the hellhound... always.” He kissed Cas’ nose and started swaying slowly to a new song on the radio. “You okay with that, Betty?”

Cas rested his cheek against Dean’s shoulder as he laced their fingers, humming contentedly and planting a soft kiss to the hollow of his neck. “Absolutely, Dean. After all, who cares about the lives we’ve left behind?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, can we give a huge round of applause to Blucifer? Seeing the art for this was incredible and I'm so, so grateful. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and see you soon 😉


End file.
